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Original poster

Checking in on 23 year old

35 replies

Lacky301 · 28/08/2024 20:47

Okay I'm willing to be told I'm daft here but I'm trying to get a grip on my anxieties.
I always feel the need to check on my 23 year old ds as to where he is if out late or how he's getting home as I worry about him been attacked etc it's crazy I know I also worry about him been in a car accident etc etc was wondering how many of you like this and if you leave your dc of this age to get on with it.

OP posts:
pinkroses79 · 28/08/2024 21:06

My son is the same age but doesn't live with me so I don't really know what he's doing most of the time. I don't particularly worry, only a little bit sometimes if I hear that something has happened near where he lives. In the past there have been times I've felt a bit like you when he didn't come home or I hadn't heard from him but I generally refrained from checking up on him and just worried on my own!

Pantaloons99 · 28/08/2024 21:05

I would have loved my mum to have been like that. I'd imagine if it bothered him he'd let you know.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/08/2024 21:02

If he's living at home, he owes you the common courtesy of letting you know when you can expect him home in a roundabout timeframe, and a quick text if he decides to stay out later. That is absolute basic level courtesy when you live with people who care about you. He doesn't have to tell you where he is or give a running commentary about what he's doing, but he can be polite enough to let you know plans have changed, he's fine, and he'll be later than originally planned.

BarbaraHoward · 28/08/2024 21:01

Does he live with you? I think it's perfectly normal and reasonably to check in with anyone who lives with you. Although more along the lines of letting each other know when you expect to be home and dropping a text if that changes, just as you would with a partner.

If he doesn't live with you then probably worth easing back a bit, being too suffocating will only harm your relationship.

scoopoftheday · 28/08/2024 21:01

My 23 year old lives with housemates and we speak every day.

If she doesn't video call me, I call her.
When she's on a night out, no matter what time she's home she'll send a msg "home safe".

My 20 year old son is a whole other kettle of fish.... I ask him to text when he arrives safe at his GF house (he forgets) I ask for a wee message to say he's OK as he lands in a new country on holiday (he forgets) but I know by now he forgets and he always tells me "just send me a msg, I'd rather reply than you worrying about me"

So we all know where we stand. I don't see it as controlling, I see it as caring.

If it doesn't bother your son then why let it bother you?

Letmehaveabloodyusernameplease · 28/08/2024 20:58

I too worry, OP, my kids are grown but the anxiety never goes away.

Gogogo12345 · 28/08/2024 20:56

Hmm I don't do this with my 20 year old. Mind you he doesn't live with me so I'd have no idea on where he was half the time. When he spent a summer working abroad last year some of the time I didn't even know what country he was in.
He's an adult. Although if something did go badly wrong he'd soon be in touch

Original poster
Lacky301 · 28/08/2024 20:50

Mum2jenny · 28/08/2024 20:49

I’m hoping your ds has mates to check if he’s ok and he doesn’t need to rely on mum

Yes he has loads of mates who sometimes drive him around and drop him home etc etc as he isn't driving yet

OP posts:
Mum2jenny · 28/08/2024 20:49

I’m hoping your ds has mates to check if he’s ok and he doesn’t need to rely on mum

stayathomer · 28/08/2024 20:48

My dad used to check in on me regularly. When I stayed in the house because I was going out I’d see the light switch off when I got in. I think our kids are always are children xxxx

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