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Original poster

How do I react to DH becoming unemployed

43 replies

SnoodieLife · 28/08/2024 20:29

DH has been with this company just over two years, he seemed to get on great at first, being trained and signed off as capable of working in different areas etc. However back in February there was one area of work he seemed to struggle with, they gave him an extension to have more time to get to grips with it and I thought he was doing ok until last week he told me he had a meeting with HR and some other people where they said he hasn't made significant progress in this one area so his choices are to leave the company with a settlement payment now or stay on for one more month to try and be signed off on the department he's been struggling with but at the end if he hasn't turned it around he basically leaves with nothing. I honestly didn't know things were that bad and now I'm in a state of shock and not knowing what to do. I'm thinking I'm equal parts angry/upset/panicking but also trying to stay positive in thinking things will be ok (probably naive but I'm trying to not stress too much) I work but only a small part time job which I'm currently on maternity leave from as I'm heavily pregnant 😔 how could he let things get this bad at such a time

OP posts:
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Ilovecardiff · 29/08/2024 09:21

I hope he has a trade union to support him. If not please persuade him to join one in his next job - essential for employment advice, legal backing, having your back basically. I am very sorry this is happening, best of luck to you both for the future.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/08/2024 08:50

SnoodieLife · 29/08/2024 08:46

I'll be off the thread now as I'm going to use the helpful advice I've already had on here and move forward positively 👍🏻

That's the healthiest attitude to MN I've ever seen Grin

All the very very best with the pregnancy and his job hunting!

MovingShadowS · 29/08/2024 08:47

He needs his P45 & P60 & he can claim contributions based job seekers allowance which is part of universal credit
Put in a joint claim the day after he leaves work

Original poster
SnoodieLife · 29/08/2024 08:46

I'll be off the thread now as I'm going to use the helpful advice I've already had on here and move forward positively 👍🏻

OP posts:
Edingril · 29/08/2024 08:46

There was a recent post on here where the woman left their job and there was a lot of sympathy for her

But regardless it happens

Original poster
SnoodieLife · 29/08/2024 08:44

Thanks to everyone who has given helpful advice, of course I'm going to support DH we had a talk last night where I reassured him I'd do everything I can to help and he's been job searching since he got home yesterday, calling round everyone we know to see if they know of any jobs going right now, he's already applied for two jobs. I know things will work out it was just a shock for both of us, from what it sounds like the company isn't doing so well anyway so maybe it's a blessing in disguise. They've made several redundancies since DH has been there and never replaced anyone for those areas, the work has increasingly slowed down and DH hasn't been the only one to have been sacked after struggling in this one area so he was already abit wary of being trained in that department.

OP posts:
Sparklytoe · 29/08/2024 08:34

Hiw would you expect him to reach if this happened to you?

It's awful when things are horrible at work and there's nothing in your post about supporting him.

tamade · 29/08/2024 08:32

Based on the information given; 'doing well for 2 years except for a hiccup in one particular skill/task/area in Feb'

If they wanted to they would have found a way to make it work. Most employers accept that people can't be good at everything and could have assigned him in one of the roles he had on lock. So based on that I would take the money and run, I doubt the extra month to get it right is a genuine offer.
Actually if they are so brutal it is probably a blessing in disguise

Grandmasswagbag · 29/08/2024 08:09

1984Winston · 28/08/2024 20:54

Completely get this, my DH lost his job when I was heavily pregnant too, he took a labouring job bless him and then got a job in the right field just before I had our DD. I know it's stressful but all you can do is support him

Exactly the same happened to us. DH lost his really well paid job a month before DC was born. Had to labour for quite some time before finding another as he had to completely change industry. We basically used all the savings we'd saved and have never really been on the same financial footing but we got by. It's stressful but things will likely work out eventually.

sunseaandsoundingoff · 28/08/2024 23:13

How much is the settlement payment?

Are they calling it redundancy?

Since he's been there more than 2 years, he has a strong hand. They want him to leave quietly, so they should be prepared to pay more than the initial offer.

DeclutteringNewbie · 28/08/2024 23:13

MidnightPatrol · 28/08/2024 20:33

You should be empathetic.

Companies make people redundant for lots of reasons - making it ‘his fault’ sounds unfair given the circumstances. He’s probably very upset.

You should support him in the period to try and turn things round (is it something you can find outside help with?), and if he loses the job help him find others. It might be worth looking at alternatives now if the writing is on the wall.

It’s not redundancy if the work still exists.

A settlement is not redundancy.

sunseaandsoundingoff · 28/08/2024 23:11

ToBeDetermined · 28/08/2024 20:52

Companies will often have several new hires on the go to train up with the unstated but very real intention of keeping whoever they like the most. The “not getting it” and “not working out” is code for of the two, three or four we hired, we like the other guy/someone else more than you, so bye bye we wish you well, it’s too bad really because you’re such a nice person.

I doubt your DH did anything other than lose a popularity contest.
He just needs to start applying for a new job, and not let it hit his confidence.

if you're playing that game you don't let people go after 2 years because it's much easier for them to claim unfair dismissal after 2 yrs.

magicmushrooms · 28/08/2024 22:51

Yes, you are in a tight spot but this is not the time to kick your DH when he is down. It will be a huge blow to his confidence and he will be feeling very small right now. I would say to take the SA, unless it is really basic, but essentially it is better than nothing. Make sure they provide a decent reference and encourage him to take any job going for now to supplement the money from the SA and take things from there.

DadJoke · 28/08/2024 22:39

Is he in a union? Has he spoken to his rep?

ThinWomansBrain · 28/08/2024 22:33

If it's a compromise agreement, he should have paid for legal advice, as a PP has suggested. The first £30k (sorry, appreciate the offer may be much less than that, but you haven't said) will be tax free - unless it's just a payment in lieu of notice, that's contractual, so taxed.

Work out the net money from the payout, and how many months of his normal wage (less commuting, lunches out, etc ) that equates to - can DH use some of that time to focus on a job search before taking on the first thing offered, if that means taking a lower level role?

Personally, when it's happened to me on occasions, I've taken the time to find a role I really want rather than taking any job - I do appreciate that I'm in a fortunate position to be able to so that. For me the break will be spent at least 4 days a week often more looking for, researching and applying for roles & interviewing. It also gives me time to get my head in the right space so that I don't come over as negative in interviews.

GRex · 28/08/2024 22:16

2 years in, they made a decision and it isn't necessarily fair but he needs hugs to brush off the hurt and immediate job hunting. Get him to contact recruiters who specialise in whatever he does and message old colleagues. Ideally getting the settlement and a new job at the same time.

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 28/08/2024 21:29

Comfort him, reassure him, let him know you're his team mate and it will all be OK. Help him come up with a plan of attack, support and encourage him, peppered with being kind to him right now. Make his favourite dinner, give him some TLC. It can't be underestimated how much he will be feeling deflated and as though he has failed, you need to be the person you'd want him to be if it was you in his situation. Maximum love, comfort and handholding all needed at times like this.

Grandmasswagbag · 28/08/2024 21:24

Errrr you're married. You take him for richer or poorer! I've been through similar with my DH. Going from great salary to not, job changes I probably wouldn't have made, etc. It's an awful lot of pressure being the main breadwinner for a family. Sounds like he's buried his head a bit and you need to be supportive..he should leave and find another role obviously! That will probably be easier for him with support.

GivingitToGod · 28/08/2024 21:17

MidnightPatrol · 28/08/2024 20:33

You should be empathetic.

Companies make people redundant for lots of reasons - making it ‘his fault’ sounds unfair given the circumstances. He’s probably very upset.

You should support him in the period to try and turn things round (is it something you can find outside help with?), and if he loses the job help him find others. It might be worth looking at alternatives now if the writing is on the wall.

Spot on.
Sorry this has happened OP, especially at such a vulnerable time. Step by step, things will get better. Take care and be kind to each other

Purpleturtle45 · 28/08/2024 21:16

My husband has lost his job a couple of times over the years, he worked in hospitality which is particularly brutal. It's really hard as your initial reaction is just to panic. The main thing is that he commits himself to getting on the job search asap and doesn't stop until he has found something. Hopefully he will find something quickly and the settlement will get you through in the meantime. Sometimes it can be a blessing in disguise, my husband used his settlement to start his own business 4 years ago and is doing really well. Many things can go wrong if course but at least he won't get sacked! 🫣

Shortpoet · 28/08/2024 21:13

It sounds like they’ve made up their minds already so are loading the decision so that he goes quickly without fuss.
If they want him to sign a compromise agreement as part of the settlement, they should pay for his legal advice.
Also, he needs to get a written agreement as to what his reference will be. It will probably just confirm dates and job title, but it is reassuring to have that agreed in advance of needing it.

And yes, go and sign up with agencies for temp work as soon as possible.

Probably also worth signing on for unemployment benefits the day after his employment ends as you can’t backdate your claim if you leave it longer. Hopefully won’t need it but good to have back up.

Elphamouche · 28/08/2024 21:05

OP I could have written similar myself.

I was 5m pregnant when my husbands employers turned into cunts. Then again when our daughter was 3m old.

You WILL get through this. After 8 weeks off work DH has been offered a job yesterday morning.

Take the settlement, apply for EVERYTHING, not even specific in his field, get something to tide you over and buy you some time.

You will both get through this, we’ve had a really shit couple of years.

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