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AIBU?

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Family issues what would you do

27 replies

Parkermumma07 · 28/08/2024 20:03

im after a bit of advice from
people who may have been in similar circumstances or who or just wiser than myself.
recently mother was diagnosed with an illness which although will not end her life will shorten. This coupled with my father who has terminal cancer has led to a lot of stress within the family.
recently my mother had to have a pre arranged operation where she would be in hospital for two days maximum. In this time myself and my sibling took care of our father and his medical needs, he needs regular care and due to the operation being a last minute cancellation we were unable to sort out care for him so both pitched in and cared for him ourself.
my mother returned from hospital after her operation all went well. As soon as she returned she started shouting at my sibling and myself about how we hadn’t done things around the house to the standard she liked for example we had hung washing on the clothes airer rather than putting it in the dryer as it seemed a waste to put the dryer on for two items. This caused her to shout and scream telling us we were useless.

im at my wits end with it all I just want to go No contact with her but would miss my father too much. He isn’t able to facilitate contact himself due to his advanced cancer and only has months left to live. I don’t want to miss out on the last few months of his life simply because of my mothers behaviour.

what would others do in this situation go no contact or ride it out for the next few months?

OP posts:
GodSavetheJean · 28/08/2024 20:54

I am so sorry you are dealing with us because I had this happen to me recently and it was awful. Sorry for making it about me but I do have some conclusions at the end.
My father is ok but he is 85 and needs reminders about taking his medicine, etc. so when my mother suddenly was hospitalized for several weeks my sisters and I took care of him, taking turns visiting, making him meals, making sure he was taking meds, etc. My mother runs a very tight ship but my Dad is really easy. He looked after himself (washed his dishes, did laundry, etc.) and they have a regular cleaning lady so the house was its normal, organized, tidy clean home. When my mother came home from the hospital, she was HORRID. We are a very close family but she went off on me, my sister, etc about how the house was a mess and how it would take her weeks to get it back in shape.....Blink.....WHAT????? At most there may have been a magazine left out on a table, and a glass left in the sink. I have never yelled at my mother before but it became a really loud and angry confrontation. She was completely unhinged and very nasty. I was (and still slightly am) in SHOCK.
After a few days, we realized that she was completely out of control of the situation that put her in the hospital, and what happened with my Dad while she was hospitalized, so part of this was her control issues. We think she was also rather miffed that all went on well without her. Her identity revolves around keeping a nice home and taking care of my Dad, so when she got home she had to find things to complain about to self-validate that she was still needed. It was a rough first week but she eventually came back to her senses, apologized, and is normal again.
I am not sure if this helps or not OP, but I knew I hadn't done anything wrong, or failed my Dad in any way, and that this was all my mother and her issues.

LuvMyBoyz · 28/08/2024 20:33

This is such a hard situation for you. I’m sorry I have no advice but I hope you find a resolution soon.