Chronically ill and sad

I think it’s very normal and common.
They do have just online / chat options if it helps, it’s mostly online actually

If I can offer some advice - seek help from a therapist who is disabled themselves. I agree about Radical Acceptance / Radical Compassion but maybe hearing that message from someone with a disability will land better.

It sounds like you’re losing hope for and grieving the life you thought you might have. Very tough. And you need others to share it with you.

You mentioned you can’t have children due to your condition - don’t know if it’s going to be relevant or not but Gateway Women is a great connection/support organisation for the childless not by choice and have a group specifically for women who are childless due to health conditions.

Hugs

I totally understand how you feel, @Chronicallyill6. I'm 45 and have had M.E since I was 14. I've had relapses and remissions, but the relapses have become more common as I've got older. I used to absolutely adore running in the remissions, I can't run at all now. To be honest, there's not much I can do now. I've recently been dismissed from my job on the grounds of medical capability. I grieve for the life I could've had. I have no children or partner. I feel like I'm living a shell of a life and it makes me so angry and sad. Since the relapses have gotten worse, I've developed type 2 diabetes and now can't even really enjoy the comfort foods I used to. Believe me when I say, I truly understand where you're coming from and how you feel. Sending love 💗 💐

I used to hike a lot.

Now post-accident I can't walk far but I do do wild swimming.

I don't swim far if at all - sometimes I just dip - but it can be disabled friendly and you do get some of the "being in nature" hit.

It doesn’t sound silly at all. Loads of stuff out there now about the brain/mind/body connection.

This might sound silly but I worked out my illness was functioning as a protective barrier. As a kid my mother was very abusive and as an adult when I planned to visit her my chronic fatigue would suddenly get tens times worse and I had to cancel.

Maybe start to pay attention to when your health dips and plateaus. It might help you unravel a mental component.

@Chronicallyill6 i see you xxxx

I’ve had long Covid since 2020. Although improved, I grieve for the person I was. I absolutely understand.

Sorry, I’ve nothing really to add apart from I listen to audibles, live as healthy a life as I can and meditate.

One thing that’s really helped is having zoom chats with other friends in similar situations. One of us is often too poorly to physically meet, but a 30 minute zoom cheers us both up.

That's where I was with it for months. I got why it should work, the nuts and bolts of it but it just meant nothing personally.

I don't know what to suggest other than continue playing with these ideas etc and see where they take you.

At the same time I was reading things about radical acceptance things I was reading zen things, Buddhism without beliefs, "I am that" ( can't remember author ) lots of things about body and mind connection / disconnection.

I read a lot of weird shit to get to here. Seems like maybe an approach you may like?

I think this is one of the most relevant threads for my situation that I’ve ever seen on MN. So much wisdom in everyone’s posts. Thank you for starting it, @Chronicallyill6

If you like reading would you consider reading Buddha in Your Mirror? (available from Amazon). I read this book many years ago when I was in a really tight spot. It really helped me

I can relate, I've become disabled. I have my son. But not much more adult company.

People seem so interested in when you will get better. Drs will not remove my cyst in spine cord as it will come back and presently 'safe'. But so much pain. Going out sends my back into spasms. People talk about going hiking again I wish they could understand the outcome of being disabled there is not always a reset, or treatment that leads to a cure.

Money on benefits is so low by the time I'm paid 2 days later no money left and that makes me very vulnerable going out. I never felt the same able it's incredibly scary when you legs shut down with hardly any notice. Wheelchairs don't fit in handbags just incase.

I can relate as well. I absolutely hate being disabled. I used to be so strong and fit. Now I have days where the walk from my bed to the bathroom and back is the most I can manage.

I'm not suicidal. But the irony that I'd have been put down by now if I was a pet animal doesn't escape me.

I do try to enjoy the little things and be grateful for what I can do. I force myself to do as much as I can. But it's hard. Going from being able to do sets and sets of push ups to not even being able to hold a hair straightener without being in pain just plain sucks.

I've got no advice unfortunately. But you're not alone xx

You sound just like me. I was so angry and upset and focused on getting back to hiking up big hills that I think I blocked out other options for trying to meet that need if that makes sense?

I totally agree that it's important to acknowledge your feelings and 'be' with them.

Disability and illness shakes your entire identity. There is a social pressure to be brave etc but actually sometimes what I need is to sit and wallow and rage about how shit it is. Because it is shit.

Maybe part of being OK sometimes is accepting that you don't have to be OK all of the time?

Not ignoring your self harm, I've been there with self harm / suicidal and there isn't anything that I can say. I've had so many damaging things said to me re. all of that, mostly by highly paid doctors. Take care of yourself the best that you can x

This thread really resonates with me. I am not ill but have become disabled over the past two years. I have gone from fell running, mountain biking, hiking to just about being able to walk. I struggle so much with my new reality, especially as my husband and friendship group are so active and I feel left behind.

I've tried so hard to reach acceptance but I just...can't. I feel so angry. I self harm some days because of the rage inside me.

I completely understand how you feel, OP. The world seems so unjust and it's hard to feel separate from it. I also don't think therapy works (personally) and there isn't really a cure to this feeling or a solution. But acknowledging your sadness is important.

@Chronicallyill6 have you read anything about radical acceptance?

I've been thinking since last night and I do think that was one of the things that changed my mindset. I hated it to start with, my wife listened to many, many rants about how stupid it is. Then something clicked.

I wouldn't say that I "accept" how I am now, I'm too stubborn for that. I have more developed a tolerance to be able to get along with it.

Hope that helps, I saw that you read a lot of academic papers so it could be a rabbit hole for you to explore and see if there's anything for you there.

I second this. Good therapy can be incredibly valuable in coming to terms with life changing disability and finding a new way forward. It certainly was for me.

I also have a chronic illness so i do understand.. but .... you have to take ownership of this.

You are clearly competent to work and maybe they're are taking away responsibilities to help you (reasonable adjustments?) If you aren't happy about that you must control and speak to HR

You sound rather depressed and I echo others. You should seek help. Your GP is your first stop
You can self-refer to counselling on the NHS