Called a c*nt by fellow train passenger - AIBU

I was in a swimming pool today and the old ladies were getting in for their aqua aerobics.
A kid started screaming as we all had to get out for the class. He was not happy.

One old lady shouted ‘oh shut up’ whilst the others encouraged her and egged her on, agreeing the child was being outrageous. Lots of tuts and condemning looks at this poor mother trying to calm down a child (who did look like they were potentially ND).

People forget what it’s like to have kids, or they never had them and have no tolerance for them. They’re generally c*nts and I generally stay away from them! You did nothing wrong Op. They walk among us.

There is generally a melee at train doorways, people trying tp push on at the same time as people are getting off, and often there is a sizeable step down and a gap between train and platform.

Bikes on trains are a bloody pain.

Years ago they used to travel in the guard's van- but those are long gone. {Mum remembers bikes in guard's vans}

What a prick. I hope he gets a flat tyre.

Would people here have also not apologised? Seemed to have been pointless too.

I would have apologized. “I’m sorry about that” is a complete apology, the point of which is to acknowledge that you (or your child) misstepped. You don’t apologize in order to get them to apologize back to you or give any other response. No excuses for why you really shouldn’t be the one apologizing at all (hint hint stranger apologize to me). And if they don’t accept then you leave it alone.

If you were annoyed by a strange man on the subway and he gave a passive-aggressive apology that you chose to ignore because you thought it best not to engage, but then he proceeded to confront you further down the way for not talking with him, how would you feel?

''Do we just accept it''....After I was beaten up for trying to stop someone ''being aggressively rude'' I'd say leave it EVERY TIME.

If you see someone in real trouble, call the police, but don't intervene unless you are sure you won't get hurt yourself.

Public transport is generally awful in the UK anyway.

The reason? The public.

On my train line, if you press close, they'll beep and slide shut until they hit you, and then reopen. As is the case on other London commuter trains I've been on. So yes, I probably would have rolled my eyes or whatever at you too if that's what happened (I know you say they didn't shut and just beeped but are you sure?).

Anyway, regardless, you going and starting on him again later calling him rude was just totally unnecessary and absolutely asking for a fight. Why on earth would you do that?? Just let it go.

Would people here have also not apologised? Seemed to have been pointless too.

Again, your child did something that they shouldn't have. So yes, if that had been mine when they were little, I would have apologised. Even if I felt someone was overreacting a bit. Because that's a) modelling good manners to your kids and b) often de-escalates a situation. I'd have said a quick sorry and gone on my way. That's all that was needed.

Rude people who are intolerant of small inconveniences are part and parcel of life, unfortunately, and in our modern society where we are used to instant gratification people only seem to be getting more intolerant. Confronting a rude person in a high stress situation like a packed train/platform is rarely going to change someone's behaviour or reactions.

OP not sure what I am voting on here — there’s only one cnut in this story and it isn’t you. He sounds like a vile arsehole — sadly too many men like this around. you and your DH didn’t do anything wrong and glad he was there to admonish him too.

So you multiple times picked at a fight and then got your DH to join in by going after the person in front of your child?

Wow parents of the year.

Your child did something irritating, a clearly already exasperated person probably after a long bad day exclaimed to themselves 'seriously?' at something not going their way and you REPEATEDLY set out after them to get your say in.

YOU and then your DH too put your child in danger. There have been multiple child stabbing recently and even before that there have been children killed when their parents have been involved in road rage incidents etc... you had no idea how this clearly already agitated and irritated man could react but you just couldn't let it lie (multiple times) for your own sense of pride so risked a rage incident with your child right there.

Proud moment, glad you posted it to the whole world to show how you act.

There’s a reason police officers are taught to de-escalate conflict situations —- and they’re the ones with weapons! Never worth putting yourself , and worse your children , in danger just to get the upper hand verbally.

Neither of you covered yourself in glory. He was an impatient, rude twat and you, I’m afraid to say, were a passive aggressive, escalating twat. I’d venture you were slightly more annoying in the situation due to the escalating - he did right to ignore you at the barrier.

But we’ve all been there. Life can be muggy sometimes.

You’re never going to see him again - just forget about it.

Sounds like a silly situation which escalated for no reason tbh.

I can be fairly assertive with people like this and might have done worse than you, but I would have only done so immediately when he kicked off rather than bringing it up later, and not when I had a little kid with me.

(I also wouldn't be upset at the name calling personally - when someone gets to that point they just look stupid rather than scary to me)!

Edit to say: making fun of your condition was extremely rude of him though and I'm sorry you had to deal with that

Tl;dr: he's a twat - just forget it

Not everyone likes small children. They get irrationally annoyed about them, especially if they have also had a bad day. You don't need to defend your toddler to these people, just ignore it next time.

But you were rude too OP. It's as simple as that.

It is NOT rude to be visibly annoyed at what you perceive as stupid, annoying or bad behaviour in public.

It IS rude to provoke people because you're annoyed they didn't accept your apology.

It IS also rude to use the term he did towards you and that was where he went wrong and took it too far.

You can't go round saying or doing whatever you want to people in public, and then try to put all the blame on them when they lash out after being provoked.

You need to have a good long hard look at your own behaviour, attitudes and values in my opinion.

Thank you for the gratuitous insult.
Am I entitled to be rude back to you? No, because I don’t know you or anything about you except you throw around generalisms.

Also bikes aren’t meant to be on rush hot commuter trains…

Was it the Slough/Reading train by any chance? My daughter and I encountered an incredibly rude man with a bicycle on there recently, complaining angrily and excessively because it was taking a few passengers a while to leave the train due to having lots of luggage - utterly irrational and unnecessarily aggressive.

I avoided confrontation because he wasn't directly criticising us (I don't think) but I was annoyed on behalf of those he was insulting.

Anyway OP, generally best to avoid confrontation, but these things happen. No harm done. I'm sorry he mocked your facial condition. That's exceptionally rude.

We have a similar problem where I live. Dog owners don't clean up their dog's mess so if someone approaches them and points out the error of their ways, they become rude and offensive and yet they are in the wrong! Put it down to them being rude, ignorant, and very ill mannered.

My toddler can press the buttons and has been able to reach since she was about 1 on London overground @NeverDropYourMooncup

This.

Nobody behaved well here. There are lots of reasons why someone might be what you consider to be disproportionately irritated by your toddler messing with something they shouldn't. Maybe he had a bad day or was in a rush somewhere and worried he wouldn't get off the train in time. Maybe he is just an impatient, rude person. Either way, your child's behaviour inconvenienced someone else and you chose to deal with that firstly by not really apologising and then escalating it by trying to force someone into communicating with you who really didn't want to.

He definitely shouldn't have called you a cunt or made fun of your face, but if I'd been that cyclist I'd certainly have told you to back off and leave me the hell alone.

We all have bad days. Sounds like he ignored you because he didn’t want to engage or hear how your child is a toddler. Seeking him out 30 seconds later when it was clear he didn’t want to talk to you wasn’t going to end well.

I still don't understand why you had to say anything. He didn't accept your non apology, so what? Why does it matter?
Obviously he shouldn't have called you a cunt or made fun of you but I do think if you'd just left it,, nothing would have happened. I also don't see why your DH had to get involved.
I wouldn't confront people in future especially if you have your children with you. Like others have said there are some nutcases about who wouldn't think twice about pulling a knife on you.

In a perfect world it would be safe to call people out on their rudeness. But this isn't a perfect world. You didn't know this man. You didn't know what he was capable of. You or your children could have been hurt. It's always best to say nothing.

It's shit, but that's life. It's not worth the risk.