Called a c*nt by fellow train passenger - AIBU

I mean in terms of calling out rudeness your toddler was the first person to be rude.

Some trains will try to shut the doors on passengers getting off if the close doors button is pressed.

Toddlers generally have a lot of slack cut for them as everyone knows they are not really old enough to be responsible for their rudeness but if they do something that really genuinely does inconvenience people then you will get responses.

Commuter trains are busy, unpleasant, and many people who commute are feeling stressed and are unlikely to be in a good mood. They are the kind of place where kids really do need to be kept quiet and not mess with stuff because the adults are likely to tell it like it is.

When I commuted if a toddler messing about with a button caused me to miss my stop I'd have been livid and you would have known about it. I do have kids (now grown up).
It's a serious inconvenience. Ok he didn't but he wasn't to know that and it sounds like he started sounding off as soon as your toddler touched the button.

Sounds like you started the confrontation. Bike guy obviously wasn't even talking to you. I'd bet anything he had an earbud in and was in the middle of a conversation with a colleague or whatever. The phrases you mention make no sense in relation to the train doors. So of course he was rude back to you when you randomly went and had a go at him.

Everyone sucks here 🙄 (except your children!)
I can’t believe you went on and on confronting this man, and that your husband went to confront him too!! You two must be getting into a lot of fights with others?

Why on Earth did you go after him TWICE?! Wtaf. That’s borderline harassment.

What did you expect to happen when you found him and said he was rude to you 30 seconds ago?? Did you expect him to say oh yes I was sorry??
If you must confront a stranger who mumbles and grumbles about your child kill them with kindness and you'll have the apology you wanted. I would have just ignored the whole interaction- but if you must say something try 'hi again I can see my toddler pressing buttons really upset you and I just wanted to apologise again - little Johnny can't resist a button anywhere and I really lost of track of it with trying not to let him get trampled getting off the train. Again km so sorry to have affected you'... he will be so embarrassed by his grumbling he will apologise for grumbling.

Or as others have pointed out carry on picking pointless fights with strangers and run the risk of getting stabbed, punched, run over....

Fact - as a woman I might have told her to fuck off at the second round of haranguing so No I don’t think it is a “man” thing.

I have not seen any posts saying that it was okay what the man called the OP. Posters are quite rightly saying that she should not have gone on at him once she encountered him again. She was on her own with two small children. What if he had attacked her. Is it really worth it?

The police???

Wtf

He’d have got a piece of my mind if he’d acted like that towards mine as a toddler.
I’d probably have given his stupid bike a kick, as well 😂

In this case it seems the general consensus is YABU as in You Are Both Unreasonable.

Most people here have said neither party behaved appropriately and both had their part to play in making a mountain out of a molehill. Everyone sucks in this scenario.

I know someone that rolled their eyes at someone in a car recently in a challenging way, and got a very aggressive response that has taken them days to recover from and their child saw it all and is very traumatised. Not fair, but it happens.

It's fine to be a bit discontent and sigh, or say 'sorry' but think you are in the right, but only a foolish person then goes around starting it all up again a bit later, by calling them rude, that is perceived as aggressive by the other person and I wouldn't engage with them.

Once it's happened, and they are ignoring you, leave it that way in future. It is not worth it at all.

I haven’t seen any posters saying he was right to call her a cunt.

That wasn’t the question. This is AIBU, so people are answering whether OP’s behavior was reasonable. It wasn’t. His behavior also being clearly unacceptable doesn’t change that.

Would you have said the same to a female member of your family, with two small children, who had foolishly done the same thing? I highly doubt anybody would, with good intentions.

Average cyclist

It’s entirely possible to miss your stop on a train especially as you wouldn’t be able to get off and out of the way as quickly so I think his initial annoyance was fine. A bit passive aggressive but we’re all human. I had a man tut at me for dithering over a seat choice on a train recently. I realised I was holding him up, turned around, genuinely apologised and quickly got into a seat. Try to see things from others perspectives rather than being so defensive and giving a sorry not sorry(which frankly I would have ignored as well). You were both unreasonable but you were the main aggressor

Pmsl at the yabus on here. Yeah yeah, of course it's fine for a member of the public to call another member of the public who they find irritating "a cunt" in front of their toddler. Totally understandable and justifiable

Another example of a man having a go at a woman ( even with young kids).

I guarantee you he wouldn’t have that to a man, particularly a man that looks like he could handle himself.

Fact. I say that as a man.

Don't reply to ppl that are traveling, just think it. He asked which car because he wanted too cause damage to it.

Obviously he's in the wrong for calling you that but I have no idea why you carried on the exchange. How did you expect it to end? He's obviously a wanker so let it be, don't start fights in front of your toddler.

You escalated this multiple times to be honest.

He did the word equivalent of a tut by saying seriously - with which you reacted actually with a passive aggressive dig - not an apology (saying “sorry but he’s a toddler isn’t an apology - it’s a dig). He didn’t rise to this so you tried to get a reaction out of him again at the barrier.
Then your husband got involved and started shouting at him as well.

id have told you to fucj off at the barrier as well to he honest, you had a bee in your bonnet that he was annoyed by your child.

You went looking for a fight. That was so stupid of you given you had your kids with you. I don't know what you expect by doing this?

But your behaviour was rude too and he called you out on it. Him not acknowledging you wasn’t rude, it was perfectly acceptable and what many people would do. You were the one to escalate the situation, which was a stupid thing to do when you had 2 children with you. If his choice of insult was wrong, then it was wrong of you to return the insult. I don’t understand the bit about your DH in the car park because you said the cyclist was riding off when you shouted at him. Did his bike get a puncture?

But if no one ever calls people out on rude behaviour, then what? Do we just accept it?

You are not his parent or his teacher. It isn’t accepting it but knowing when you can’t make a difference.
You’ll be haunting train stations for the rest of your days if you try to teach everyone manners.

Well yes he was a knobhead.

But no, I'd never pursue someone to tell them they'd been rude, especially if I had children with me. All manner of weirdos have knives and shit on them these days.

I'd roll my eyes, move on, and tell my child that the man was rude but please don't press train buttons again, as it could be dangerous.

The man could just be a random grumpy cyclist having a shit day, but he could be a dangerous psycho. What's the point in confronting a rude person, you're not going to change them or make them a better person