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Original poster

Called a c*nt by fellow train passenger - AIBU

294 replies

Trainride123 · 28/08/2024 19:00

While getting off a commuter train with my two children, my toddler pressed the "doors closing" button when there was still a man and his bike behind me waiting to get off. The doors beeped but nothing happened (as the door won't close if people are still walking through), and as I walked out of the door I pressed the "doors open" button just to be 100% sure it didn't close. I also told my toddler not to do that again.

The man directly behind me got annoyed at my toddler and made some loud comments along the lines of "what seriously? You must be joking" etc.

When we were all out I turned around and apologised to him but also said that he's only a toddler and nothing actually happened to the door. The man totally ignored me, didn't even look at me. We all walked out of the barriers.

I was so annoyed about his comment and then that he ignored me, that when I came across him again 30 seconds later, I told him he'd been rude. He in turn called me a cnt and rode off on his bike. I shouted after him not to call me cnt and he shouted back "I didn't call you that, I called you a stuck up c*nt". At this point DH had come to the station to pick me up and heard him shout that at me, so DH shouted at him and went over. The man told him that he doesn't know what my problem is as I was behind him on the train and he's already apologised to me, asked my DH which car in the car park was his, then said to let's just leave things, then made fun of a facial condition I have and laughed, and rode off on his bike.

In hindsight I just shouldn't have confronted him should I. I know my toddler was in the wrong, but surely reacting in this way isn't right either.

OP posts:
Mabs49 · 28/08/2024 21:26

CrazyGoatLady · 28/08/2024 21:22

And people, genuinely, why are some of you saying that it's ok and not rude that he ignored me the first time? Isn't ignoring someone who is talking to you totally rude?

If you had genuinely been apologising, yes it would have been rude to ignore you. But from what you've said here, you were saying something that sounds more like "sorry not sorry" - it was an apology followed by an excuse and would probably have been evident you begrudged apologising and felt he should really be apologising to you.

Your toddler pressing the button was rude.
He overreacted and was rude in response.
Your non-apology was rude.
Your demand that he acknowledged your non-apology was rude.
You continued to pursue him for an acknowledgement to your non-apology which was also rude.
He was even ruder to you and you and your DH were rude back.

All of you are rude.

100%. Good summary. Stop and think OP.

Mnworld222 · 28/08/2024 21:25

@Trainride123 I 100% understand the first part totally with you. Your child did nothing wrong he's only little and just pressed a button toddlers / small children love a button . The man with the bike was just a grumpy person.

But when you went on your way you should have left it . You choose to go back for seconds some things are best left alone . That was one of them. You will probably never see him again .

Setyoufree · 28/08/2024 21:25

Fancycheese · 28/08/2024 21:18

A serious inconvenience? 😂 get a grip. I despise people like you. You really do make the world a little bit worse.

Show quote history

She said being forced to miss her stop would be a serious inconvenience. Which in some cases it really would be.

Mabs49 · 28/08/2024 21:24

So you toddler tries to shut the doors when someone wants to get out with a bike. Do you know how stressful it is to be that person trapped behind a silly child who while they may not know they are doing something wrong, is possibly going to cost you going on an unnecessary stop further down the line, hoiking your bike back up over the stairs getting on another train and then finally getting to your destination. Especially when you might have been at work all day and just want to get home and now the doors might potentially close.

That's really stressful. Imagine if it was you at the next stop and another child was in front of you as you tried to get off with your toddler and they pressed the 'closing doors' button and you felt like oh shit, now I won't be able to exit the train.

You did not need to confront him. People have difficult lives and don't need to be barked at.

not everyone has kids, not every likes kids and not everyone needs to put kids feelings first. In the end they just another human being like everyone else. You are overly sensitive about your kids and just seem like an entitled parent.

Original poster
Trainride123 · 28/08/2024 21:24

CremeEggThief · 28/08/2024 21:23

Both of you ignoring each other would have been a far better outcome than what happened in the end, OP. It's better to keep your mouth shut than to be screaming the rudest swear word at each other in public in front of children.

Can you really not see that?

Of course that would have been the best outcome. I have said a number of times that in hindsight I shouldn't have told him he's rude.

OP posts:
PrettyPinkShoes · 28/08/2024 21:23

The cyclist was a bit off but you were wrong to chase after him.
You were confrontational.

The cyclist made a silly comment- what you've quoted doesn't quite make sense.

Why would he say 'Seriously' when you told your toddler not to press the door button again?

Please be careful.

There are some weird people about and you don't know what they might do.

CremeEggThief · 28/08/2024 21:23

Both of you ignoring each other would have been a far better outcome than what happened in the end, OP. It's better to keep your mouth shut than to be screaming the rudest swear word at each other in public in front of children.

Can you really not see that?

Setyoufree · 28/08/2024 21:23

Trainride123 · 28/08/2024 21:08

@TheRealSlimShandy what do you mean by the second round of haranguing? Which was the first round? I spoke to him twice, once to say (paraphrased) "I'm sorry my child pressed the button. He's a toddler the first time on a train and didn't know that it could close the door?" That's when he completely ignored me as if I weren't there. And the second time I said to him "you were really rude" which I have already said in hindsight wasn't right of me.

And people, genuinely, why are some of you saying that it's ok and not rude that he ignored me the first time? Isn't ignoring someone who is talking to you totally rude?

Ignoring people on public transport when you're commuting is entirely normal. It's a survival mechanism. Plus probably had ear buds in trying to shut out the sheer horror of commuting. I just don't understand why you didn't let it go in the first instance. Also I agree with some of the others - your apology was totally a sorry not sorry which would have irritated me even if I wasn't annoyed in the first place....

Cerealkiller4U · 28/08/2024 21:22

Trainride123 · 28/08/2024 21:08

@TheRealSlimShandy what do you mean by the second round of haranguing? Which was the first round? I spoke to him twice, once to say (paraphrased) "I'm sorry my child pressed the button. He's a toddler the first time on a train and didn't know that it could close the door?" That's when he completely ignored me as if I weren't there. And the second time I said to him "you were really rude" which I have already said in hindsight wasn't right of me.

And people, genuinely, why are some of you saying that it's ok and not rude that he ignored me the first time? Isn't ignoring someone who is talking to you totally rude?

Maybe he didn’t want to start anything?

I mean I’d say he was an adult for just ignoring it to be fair

CrazyGoatLady · 28/08/2024 21:22

And people, genuinely, why are some of you saying that it's ok and not rude that he ignored me the first time? Isn't ignoring someone who is talking to you totally rude?

If you had genuinely been apologising, yes it would have been rude to ignore you. But from what you've said here, you were saying something that sounds more like "sorry not sorry" - it was an apology followed by an excuse and would probably have been evident you begrudged apologising and felt he should really be apologising to you.

Your toddler pressing the button was rude.
He overreacted and was rude in response.
Your non-apology was rude.
Your demand that he acknowledged your non-apology was rude.
You continued to pursue him for an acknowledgement to your non-apology which was also rude.
He was even ruder to you and you and your DH were rude back.

All of you are rude.

ToBeDetermined · 28/08/2024 21:21

Trainride123 · 28/08/2024 21:18

He specifically mentioned me and my toddler in his mini rant which is why I know he was talking about me. And yes it doesn't make sense because the doors ok our line won't close while people are walking through it, so there was no need for him to get upset with us. All it does is beep.

Show quote history

Well that’s a new piece of info for the thread. How did he specifically refer to you and toddler? and was it after your first confrontation or before?

Cerealkiller4U · 28/08/2024 21:19

Trainride123 · 28/08/2024 20:08

Thank you all for your comments. To clarify, he didn't "just" say seriously. There was a lot more but I can't remember everything he said. I also didn't walk back to him to tell him he was rude, I had to walk past him anyway when he was standing at the exit and I didn't say more than 4 words. My toddler was able to press the button because it was at his eye level height, it was an easy access door which wheelchair users can also use. DH didn't have to rescue me, the man was riding his bike away anyway as he shouted across the station car park that I'm a stuck up c, but stopped when DH shouted back at him. DH also said in the car that I should have said nothing and in hindsight he and you all are right. But if no one ever calls people out on rude behaviour, then what? Do we just accept it?

If you’re with a child the. Yes. You ignore it yes you ‘let’ them win this once.

Disturbia81 · 28/08/2024 21:19

I understand you OP.. I'm getting more confident as I get older and not afraid to say stuff like this. I'm starting to worry for myself!

Original poster
Trainride123 · 28/08/2024 21:18

ToBeDetermined · 28/08/2024 21:12

He's a toddler the first time on a train and didn't know that it could close the door?

But it can’t close doors while people are walking through! You know that and he knows that…so it makes no sense to think he was talking about your toddler.

He specifically mentioned me and my toddler in his mini rant which is why I know he was talking about me. And yes it doesn't make sense because the doors ok our line won't close while people are walking through it, so there was no need for him to get upset with us. All it does is beep.

OP posts:
Fancycheese · 28/08/2024 21:18

Octavia64 · 28/08/2024 21:09

I mean in terms of calling out rudeness your toddler was the first person to be rude.

Some trains will try to shut the doors on passengers getting off if the close doors button is pressed.

Toddlers generally have a lot of slack cut for them as everyone knows they are not really old enough to be responsible for their rudeness but if they do something that really genuinely does inconvenience people then you will get responses.

Commuter trains are busy, unpleasant, and many people who commute are feeling stressed and are unlikely to be in a good mood. They are the kind of place where kids really do need to be kept quiet and not mess with stuff because the adults are likely to tell it like it is.

When I commuted if a toddler messing about with a button caused me to miss my stop I'd have been livid and you would have known about it. I do have kids (now grown up).
It's a serious inconvenience. Ok he didn't but he wasn't to know that and it sounds like he started sounding off as soon as your toddler touched the button.

A serious inconvenience? 😂 get a grip. I despise people like you. You really do make the world a little bit worse.

TheRealSlimShandy · 28/08/2024 21:16

Trainride123 · 28/08/2024 21:08

@TheRealSlimShandy what do you mean by the second round of haranguing? Which was the first round? I spoke to him twice, once to say (paraphrased) "I'm sorry my child pressed the button. He's a toddler the first time on a train and didn't know that it could close the door?" That's when he completely ignored me as if I weren't there. And the second time I said to him "you were really rude" which I have already said in hindsight wasn't right of me.

And people, genuinely, why are some of you saying that it's ok and not rude that he ignored me the first time? Isn't ignoring someone who is talking to you totally rude?

You can pretend as much as you like but you were having a go at him the first time. When you say apologise you say sorry… not sorry but he’s only a toddler. Fine you were annoyed that he got impatient - but don’t pretend it was an apology.

he (understandably) didn’t rise to the bait/fall over himself to say “oh I’m so sorry”. Frankly as someone else said - he may not even have been speaking to you.

You can argue the toss on a forum, who cares, we will all have forgotten about you by tomorrow. But basically you picked a fight because someone annoyed you - and you carried on until they reacted.

who knows it’s hot and horrid today, so maybe you were stressed and tired and reacted in an unusual way (equally so may have he been) - but if this something you do a lot of - I’d think about how it may impact you/those around you.

AGoingConcern · 28/08/2024 21:16

Trainride123 · 28/08/2024 21:08

@TheRealSlimShandy what do you mean by the second round of haranguing? Which was the first round? I spoke to him twice, once to say (paraphrased) "I'm sorry my child pressed the button. He's a toddler the first time on a train and didn't know that it could close the door?" That's when he completely ignored me as if I weren't there. And the second time I said to him "you were really rude" which I have already said in hindsight wasn't right of me.

And people, genuinely, why are some of you saying that it's ok and not rude that he ignored me the first time? Isn't ignoring someone who is talking to you totally rude?

Ignoring a stranger who is trying to engage you in an exchange you don’t want to have isn’t courteous, but it’s not totally rude. And you admitted that you switched to the “he’s just a toddler” tack when you didn’t get a response, rather than just letting it be.

If you chose to ignore a stranger trying to engage with you on the train and he then confronted you later on in the station for not being respectful enough to turn around and talk with him when he wanted you to, you’d see that as aggressive and entitled, yeah?

SD1978 · 28/08/2024 21:15

Yes, he was vile, but you instigated the second confrontation. He was rude initially, and knowing that, you went in for seconds, and this was the reaction.

Original poster
Trainride123 · 28/08/2024 21:15

Octavia64 · 28/08/2024 21:09

I mean in terms of calling out rudeness your toddler was the first person to be rude.

Some trains will try to shut the doors on passengers getting off if the close doors button is pressed.

Toddlers generally have a lot of slack cut for them as everyone knows they are not really old enough to be responsible for their rudeness but if they do something that really genuinely does inconvenience people then you will get responses.

Commuter trains are busy, unpleasant, and many people who commute are feeling stressed and are unlikely to be in a good mood. They are the kind of place where kids really do need to be kept quiet and not mess with stuff because the adults are likely to tell it like it is.

When I commuted if a toddler messing about with a button caused me to miss my stop I'd have been livid and you would have known about it. I do have kids (now grown up).
It's a serious inconvenience. Ok he didn't but he wasn't to know that and it sounds like he started sounding off as soon as your toddler touched the button.

I fully understand that and you would have been justified in your reaction. Luckily all it did was make the door beep. I'm also a commuter on this train line and the train we took is the one I usually take home so am very familiar with the route and the train. I'm not sure my toddler did it on purpose though. The button was at eye level height to him. I held his hand to help him off the train and I think he was using his other hand to grab something to steady himself and the button was the nearest thing. It doesn't matter though if he pressed it accidentally or on purpose, the fact is he did press it.

OP posts:
Tulipvase · 28/08/2024 21:13

121gigawatts · 28/08/2024 19:35

This! 😆

Show quote history

Replace cyclist with virtually anything else and most of MN would jump down your throat.

Mpoxxy · 28/08/2024 21:13

You're talking about an ideal world scenario here op.

Or you're being naive.

ToBeDetermined · 28/08/2024 21:12

He's a toddler the first time on a train and didn't know that it could close the door?

But it can’t close doors while people are walking through! You know that and he knows that…so it makes no sense to think he was talking about your toddler.

ToBeDetermined · 28/08/2024 21:10

I was thinking the same thing, you assumed he was talking about your toddler and started acting all wierd by turning and doing some strange ass apology for a toddler and door buttons that don’t do anything (why?!) and then you chase him down after the ticket barriers and call him rude out of the blue? What?! That is so random and bonkers.

CremeEggThief · 28/08/2024 21:10

InsolentNoise · 28/08/2024 20:59

He’d have got a piece of my mind if he’d acted like that towards mine as a toddler.
I’d probably have given his stupid bike a kick, as well 😂

Well YABU as well and wrong to expect anyone else outside of your family to find your toddler as funny and charming as you do. Most of us past the small children stage tolerate and do our best to remain calm and patient with them.
From the description of the man in this situation, I highly doubt you would have dared confront him and kick his bike. That would have been an incredibly stupid thing for you to have done.

Original poster
Trainride123 · 28/08/2024 21:09

ToBeDetermined · 28/08/2024 21:01

Why on Earth did you go after him TWICE?! Wtaf. That’s borderline harassment.

I genuinely don't understand this. Are you saying apologising to someone is "going after them?"

OP posts: