Called a c*nt by fellow train passenger - AIBU

Op I regularly travel on crowded commuter trains with a primary school aged child. And whilst most people are pleasant or neutral to this there are a small minority who are quick to find the presence of a child annoying from sighs and tuts upwards at the very slightest of provocation.

Given my experience in your original scenario when toddler hits buttons and man moans I’d have said loudly to the child “no Archie you mustn’t press the buttons unless I say to”. And I would not have directly acknowledged the man. I certainly would not have said anything to him after the barrier, I would have ignored him.

It’s very tempting, and my natural reaction to want to confront rude aggressive people. But honestly that’s really more likely to lead to escalation than an apology. My older child will be on trains without us and I discuss with them how not engaging and de-escalation is nearly always the best route even if your pride wants to do something else. By all means fantasise in your head about his bike getting a puncture or whatever karma you think for, but the only way to win at this is not to play.

I guess as the saying goes, "Live and let live"...😁

I'm sorry for the horrid man being vile and making fun of your facial condition. I have a neurological involuntary movement disorder that also causes me to have some facial symptoms, and it's not great /pretty embarrassing sometimes. That vile cyclist shouldn't have made you feel bad about your condition 😞

I agree with PP though that it wasn't wise to provoke him again. You really don't know what some people (*weirdos) might do or are capable of. 😳😨

I'm just a little younger. Sounds like we could have fun. Especially in 20 years when we can be elderly and carry canes. 😇

Haha! 😂 I’m 55 and am up for being a caped crusader 😂

Just remember that your children are watching and learning. If they see you being confrontational, they will be that way as children, teenagers and adults. Is that what you want?

For now, you just need to sit back and wait to see where your toddler is going to start with his shiny new word.

Good for you. That's a pretty safe situation anyway. I don't know how old you are but I think it's harder to be nice with all the hormonal changes around menopause. Sometimes I have to consciously keep my mouth shut.

Maybe we should get together and we can go around sorting out the bad behaviour in the community. haha

I remember this. He shot at the car and it hit the little boy in his seat. It was a story that stuck in my head for ages after I heard it.

Sorry OP, I think you are the one in the wrong here, a quick apology for your toddlers cheekiness would have been enough. Why continue it, especially infront of your children.

I saw some teenagers walking past my house the other day, one of them chucked an empty bottle on the ground.

I opened the window and told him, in no uncertain terms, to pick it up and put it in the BIN that he was literally two steps away from!
He looked very sheepish as he put it in the bin and his friends were laughing like drains 😂

I think I have anger issues 😂

I remember on a trip to Perth (AU), there was a group of vacationers from a different country who were being quite rude on the train.
Getting off, this one man behind us kept pushing and shoving from behind so he could hurry and disembark.
He shoved his way forward and I fell down the train steps and broke my arm.
He hurriedly stepped over me and stepped on my hand in the process.
He never looked back.
We let it go — because he appeared to be volatile and angry and ready to take on any challenger.
There are people in the world who haven’t a care for others — your bicycle man sounds like one.
I think you’re lucky you got away unscathed.
You just never know any more who’s going to suddenly strike out when they feel they’ve been assaulted or attacked, even verbally.

I’d have told him to STFU the minute he started commenting in an annoyed fashion, tbh.
YANBU and he was a cunt.

Fair enough. Maybe it's the flip side to how I am which is mostly, I just can't be bothered. In the case of OP's train guy, I'd have totally ignored his little rant behind me and just kept walking because I couldn't be bothered to expend the energy on him.

I may or may not have said something in your shop situation. I wasn't there to read the situation.

I think the last time I said anything to anyone was either to some kids (old enough to know better) who were chasing ducks for a prolonged period. The ducks were clearly distressed with no parent in sight for those poorly taught kids.

Or maybe it was the woman in the park who I told needed to get control of her off leash dogs that she clearly had no control over.

You were annoying and you chose to escalate.

Noone cares that your child is a toddler.
The cyclist had no way to know that the door wouldn't really try to close.

You decided to apologise, ok. He decided to not interact further.
No big deal, until you made it so

You're right you should have just 'left' it. Too many daft situations escalate because of daft things.

If you're prepared to stand your ground on your own two feet don't be daft enough to do it when you're also caring for dc; and also don't think using your DP/DH as your backup/protection is a good idea because it's a supremely stupid thing to do.

Unless you're some kind of kick-boxing/martial arts champion ready to protect everyone else present the most rational thing to do is nothing.

I find the best thing to do with c@nt’s, is to leave them be so they can keep their c@nt’ery to themselves.
I travel on commuter trains a lot, the stuff I see, this is the tip of the iceberg, I saw one bloke go mental last week full fisticuffs and everything because some poor dude sat at a table he was at and he was ‘saving it for his friend’. I kid you not. All of them middle age white men! People are mental. Leave them be and don’t get involved!!

You’re rather irresponsible for confronting a man when you had your young child with you. Did you feel the need to have the last word? Be mindful to not put your child in harms way just to get a point across to a stranger who you’ll probably never ever meet in your life again.

I spend my days de-escalating 😂
So when I’m not at work, I’m ready to jump down someone’s throat 😂

Same, haha 😂
I don’t really give too much of a fuck these days, tbh.
A while ago, an acquaintance of my son shouted something derogatory at me while my son was with me.
I jumped out of the car and asked him if he had something he wanted to say to me?
He nearly shat himself and his friends pissed themselves laughing at him 😂
He couldn’t get away from me quickly enough 🤣

I don't limit where I go and you'll often find me solo camping in quiet places. I would confront where necessary but de-escalation techniques have been an important part of my work, so I'll always try that first. No panic button outside the work place. Men don't bother me, most of them are fine. I just don't want to strike the one that's a problem (women either).

@InsolentNoise It's bad but kinda empowering isn't it.. I sit down after one of these instances half impressed with my badass self (I've always been a pushover who avoids confrontation) but half cringing and thinking WTF. 😂
I always manage to say the right words too and deliver them well. I love getting older haha.

I’d take my chances.
I don’t back down; verbally or physically. Probably because I have to present a very controlled version of myself at work.

Re the man vs bear analogy that was doing the rounds a while ago; I’d take the man any day.
I don’t restrict my movements or where I go because of men.
I happily walk home through the park late at night, on my way home.