Called a c*nt by fellow train passenger - AIBU

Where has the OP said he should have found her children cute and adorable.

Another one making things up.

Glad I don't live in London! OP, you sound like someone who loves escalating things regardless of your children, bicycle man was aggressive and DH loves having a fight. Crazy lot you are.

I was just about to write what @CrazyGoatLady has written so articulately. There certainly was no need for the language he used, though can't account for the accuracy of his use of "stuck up". But to try to convince him that he was being unreasonable in not finding your child as cute and adorable as you do is just your unreasonableness. You inflamed the situation by pointing out his error. You should have just let it lie.

Yes he was out of line but I’ve no idea what possessed you, yes he was irritated, fair enough, and yes your kid did wrong, no worries, but to go after him to tell him he was rude was what kicked this off. Why didn’t you just go about your business?

Nothing about being nice though. Changing your arguments as you go.

She expected him to a) not express any frustration when he was probably thinking he might be prevented from getting off the train
And
b) apologise in response to her non apology.

Those are unrealistic expectations of others.

Talk about red herrings! No one got caught in the door, you are just making things up.

What about the people with their bikes on trains. They get in the way, frequently block aisles/exits and they aren't cute in the slightest. Maybe they should only be allowed on trains if they've booked a bike storage place (don't know if they are on all trains but if not maybe they shouldn't be allowed to bring them on the train) and given how much space they take up they should pay for a bike ticket

It depends on the rules of the train operator. Where I live you have to book a bike space ahead on some services and they don't let you on with bikes if it's too busy.

The bike is a complete red herring here though, because it could have been another passenger caught in the doors, a wheelchair, a pushchair, suitcase...

Men on bikes for you. Sorry to say many I know are arrogant so and sos.

Did the OP expect anyone to be nice to her? It is possible to be neutral, no need to be nice just don't make nasty comments. It isn't difficult.

What about the people with their bikes on trains. They get in the way, frequently block aisles/exits and they aren't cute in the slightest. Maybe they should only be allowed on trains if they've booked a bike storage place (don't know if they are on all trains but if not maybe they shouldn't be allowed to bring them on the train) and given how much space they take up they should pay for a bike ticket.

Or maybe everyone could just be tolerant in a shared public space.

The initial annoyance of the cyclist was not unjustified and should have served as a reminder to the OP to ensure her small children do not press train door buttons when not appropriate, as this can be dangerous to them and others (even if nothing bad happened in this situation).

You can't go round thinking you have a right to everyone being nice to you even when you/your kids do something that annoys or inconveniences others, or may put them or their property at risk. Had the doors closed on a person, they could be injured. If they closed on a bike, a bag or a wheelchair, it could have caused damage. Pretty sure the OP wouldn't have liked it if a train door had crushed her child's pushchair? And she probably wouldn't want to have to take her two small kids to the next stop and pay for another ticket to come back either? I'm guessing that she'd have found that unfair in the other passenger's position.

It's entirely selfish and self absorbed to think that parents are entitled to other people's unconditional indulgence of little Johnny/Jenny's curiosities at all times.

I would assume the angry intolerant man made her feel uncomfortable so she tried to politely placate him. Obviously trying to be polite to the intolerant is pointless and the OP now knows that.

Because he is going to clock the reg and do damage. Or do it there and then to provoke the DH, which he was trying to do.
The problem is that on public transport you step out of your circle. You aren't dealing with people who think like you. The Mother, stabbed at the Nottinghill carnival was trying to stop a fight, because in her head, a woman with a child could de-escalate the situation. Now she's in a coma, stabbed in frontof her 3 year old.
Shouting out a window at teens in the area I used to live in, would get your windows put in that night.
I watched an attack on TV, an older woman was kicked unconscious and her son attacked. The Mother and son could have not got involved. They were both very 'posh'. In their world young men don't kick old women in the head, or stamp on heads. Unfortunately they encountered people from outside their world. Both have been left with headaches and other physical issues.

My DD's male friend (23) was shot dead because the man who did it, couldn't find who he was running after, suspected that my DD's friend had let him run through the back garden, was full of rage (over a £200 drug debt). So shot someone totally unconnected.

Always Ignore and walk away.

I am absolutely sick of entitled parents who think their kids can do no wrong and if random strangers don't find them 109% cute and adorable all the time, even when they're playing up, they're horrible people.

Tolerance for kids just being kids, yes, absolutely. People who get annoyed at children for just existing are totally unreasonable. But so are the parents who think they don't need to apologise if their children's behaviour (or failure to keep an eye on them) causes others a problem and that others don't have a right to be annoyed if it does. To the point where they'll chase someone down a platform to make the point that their annoyance was unreasonable.

I don't think this is even about gender, I'm a woman and if someone behaved like that towards me just because I hadn't been all sweetness and light about their little darling potentially preventing me from getting off a train at my stop or the doors closing on my bike and damaging it, I'd absolutely have told them where to go. Yes, there was in this instance no harm done, but if you hear that beeping what goes through your mind is what could happen in the next 20 seconds.

I shouted after him not to call me cnt and he shouted back "I didn't call you that, I called you a stuck up c*nt".

Sorry, but that made me laugh.

But would suggest you don't go challenging randoms, even if they have been rude and objectionable. Too many variables for safety

Just ignore it. Get on with your life.
What do you hope to gain by "calling him out" 🙄

You sound like you were goading him, you should have left it and said nothing

Yeah I don't get it

I'll add that having read your post off the back of reading a chilling post on here yesterday about how women and girls are no longer allowed to speak in public in Afghanistan, I'm just not really in the mood for people telling women what they should and shouldn't have said!

I do get it why they're saying that but we ALL have times where we think yeah I shouldn't have risen to the bait but you've already thought about that and decided that yourself, and that's up to you, I just don't think multiple posters need to repeatedly say you shouldn't have said anything.

Honestly OP you seem to be getting a lot of stick for literally saying to someone that they were rude, and it's made you not feel good about your own actions so I'm sorry about that. I get why people are saying it's best not to respond and to just ignore, particularly because you had your children with you, but it was a very very mild response and really was just factual - he was rude, you told him he was rude. On the one hand I agree because angry men like this bike man sound pretty irrational and there's always the fear that they get violent, but on the other hand I'm pretty sick as a woman at being told All. The. Bloody. Time. to just be quiet and not speak up. And just generally have other people telling one how to behave / when it's ok to speak / how to react. You told him he was rude, he was, he frankly sounds unhinged. End of. Don't beat yourself up for your own part in this as what's done is done, and equally try not to dwell on the strange, rude and over the top reaction of a random stranger. As a friend of my DH's says to him when he's annoyed - "some people are just cunts" (and I don't mean you!!).

This would have ended well.

Everyone comes across badly here

OP, your set up doesn’t sound safe. You’re holding the hands of 2 children, they are holding onto door closure buttons to steady themselves (!), you’re helping them both step off simultaneously, it’s the first time you’ve ever done this and the first time they’ve travelled on train. It sounds dangerous - an accident waiting to happen. it might have been better to take them off one at a time or travel at a quieter time or ask for assistance - regardless of how many times you’ve commuted on that line before without kids!

Train doors will open if a human is detected in the doorway. But what that means in practice on the trains I’ve been on, is that the train doors close as normal, squeezing the passenger in the doorway, then rebound open. They detect an obstruction by hitting the obstruction. That split second when the doors close on your body can actually hurt as the doors are heavy, even if no long term harm is done. Your attitude to that is quite blase.

Don’t assume that everyone will be safe from the doors closing because someone is in the doorway. If it was your toddler in the doorway/at risk of the doors temporarily hitting him, you might think twice about the potential danger that represented and your disregard. There’s risk for coats/bags etc to get stuck in the doors. Let alone the annoyance if someone missed their stop.

you were clouded in the moment by being defensive, and wanting to be “right”. In reality you should have just let it go. Your toddler shouldn’t be steadying himself on door closure buttons - it’s unsafe and that’s a learning moment for you. Do things differently next time. There’s no need to get involved in, or prolong an argument with randoms. If he’s willing to punch your husband over this, what do you think he could do to harm you/your children?

Sometimes it's better to leave well enough alone .. it's not right in front of your young children for him t hav done that and it speaks to his character - but sometimes getting the last word isn't always worth it.

This.

Honestly, speaking as a single mum you are, sorry to say, an idiot.

Many weirdo men around and you don't want yourself to be a target. You had your children with you!

Sadly I find travelling to London with my DD who's in a large electric w/chair there are quite a few folks who think that toddlers/young kids and the disabled should NOT be taking up space on public transport especially around rush hour/s term times etc.. I get they just want to get to and from work and might be stressed but sometimes we can't avoid travelling into London at these times as we have hospital appointments etc to attend or the children actually live in the city. Thats one of the nastiest words but in hindsight maybe it would have been better not to have escalated the confrontation.