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Original poster

Am I unreasonable to be annoyed with partner?!

88 replies

annoyedatpartner · 28/08/2024 18:21

DP, teen DD and I have life 360 app on our phones. For various reasons but it's practical and useful for us as a family to know where each other is. Everyone js happy with it, everyone is an adult and has consented to location being tracked - before anyone asks about that.

Anyway - to the point, DP left for night shift half an hour ago and I have just received a notification on the app that he had a "dangerous drive" - never seen that pop up before, so clicked on it. It tells me his top speed going to work was 104mph!? I'm annoyed about this as I think this is unnecessarily reckless. He was clearly late and rushing but still, surely there's no need to do that sort of speed! Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
sunsetsandboardwalks · 01/09/2024 09:59

Pineappleprep · 29/08/2024 13:42

I find it hard to understand how he wouldn't notice he was doing 100mph. If that is in fact true, should be really be driving? What if he absentmindedly does it again?

I've been in a car doing 100mph before and it's very clear how fast you're going.

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It's scarily easy to speed on a quiet road with no other traffic.

We were on the motorway back from Manchester yesterday and I'd say very few people were going under 80-85mph.

Isthisasgoodasitis · 01/09/2024 09:52

annoyedatpartner · 28/08/2024 18:24

Thanks @BCBird for confirming what I felt. Honestly I'm stunned that he would drive so recklessly.

My mum was left with a broken back by someone rushing to work …. She’s lived in pain daily since that’s regularly taken out on me 28 YEARS of consequence for us and the driver didn’t even remember the accident 9 years ago when we came face to face with him

DottyLottieLou · 01/09/2024 09:49

We have the app too. All quite happy with it. Got it after my husband got lost abroad and rang me in the middle of the night for directions. Now it's handy for knowing when to put the tea on when he's on his drive home, seeing where to pick people up from, how far away you are from being picked up and hundreds of other little uses.
Having said that, I just checked my driving stats and it says I went over 80mph 10 times on Tuesday. I was on walk so I doubt it. No driving at all that day. 😄

Melonjuice · 01/09/2024 09:42

KendraTheVampyrSlayer · 28/08/2024 20:00

Yes I don't think it's accurate, it said dd1 was walking at 50mph the other day when she was walking the dog!

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How do you know she isn’t superwoman in disguise?

Niknakcake · 01/09/2024 09:38

Pineappleprep · 29/08/2024 08:37

Following your update that he's admitted doing over 100, even if he didn't realise which I really don't buy, I'd be fuming.

I think it’s quite easy on a quiet motorway to end up going far faster than you realise.

hipposcanweartutus · 01/09/2024 09:36

We use the Life 360 too and it is brilliant! My husband has health issues and it always worries me when he is out with the dogs. He usually checks mine to see if I’m on my way home so he can have a cuppa ready!

But - the app does show glitches sometimes and the driving speed isn’t always accurate. Our trucks at work have similar and quite often the tracker shows them doing speeds that physically can’t do!

Original poster
annoyedatpartner · 29/08/2024 15:45

@Didimum

THANK YOU for sense (at last😂)

OP posts:
Didimum · 29/08/2024 14:22

mamajong · 29/08/2024 09:18

We don't use tracking apps as a family but if we did the day dh used it to monitor driving would be the day I deleted it. But if he doesn't mind the questions and you're all happy then you do you

She didn't use it to monitor driving. They use the app for logistics and convenience. She had a notification of a driving speed, which is no difference to a friend having witnessed her DH driving at dangerous speeds and telling her about it, or a getting clocked on a speeding camera and them sending a letter. If you discover dangerous driving by any other method, does that make it OK to care about? But via an app it's not OK because you should know about it?

She found out, irrespective of how, and as his wife, mother of their children and presumably joint owner of their car and financial assets, it's perfectly reasonable to be unhappy at the risk.

Pineappleprep · 29/08/2024 13:42

annoyedatpartner · 29/08/2024 13:18

I was initially annoyed, but his explanation did suggest it was absentmindedness rather than deliberate, he said he hadn't realised the speed he was doing.

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I find it hard to understand how he wouldn't notice he was doing 100mph. If that is in fact true, should be really be driving? What if he absentmindedly does it again?

I've been in a car doing 100mph before and it's very clear how fast you're going.

NotTerfNorCis · 29/08/2024 13:23

Oo I don't like the sound of that kind of tracking. Where would it end? Each to their own I guess.

Original poster
annoyedatpartner · 29/08/2024 13:18

Pineappleprep · 29/08/2024 08:37

Following your update that he's admitted doing over 100, even if he didn't realise which I really don't buy, I'd be fuming.

I was initially annoyed, but his explanation did suggest it was absentmindedness rather than deliberate, he said he hadn't realised the speed he was doing.

OP posts:
Original poster
annoyedatpartner · 29/08/2024 13:16

LividSummers · 29/08/2024 09:22

I have this app with my adult siblings. We all freely consent to it (I’m a solo parent and find it reassuring someone would know where I was in an emergency rather than creepy).

Yes we have it for similar reasons (18 yo DD is often at various different places and it's for her peace of mind as much as ours), but also she doesn't drive yet and relies on us both frequently for lifts, but the nature of our work means we cannot always be contactable during the day. The app tells her quickly whether we are at work (and therefore uncontactable), or elsewhere and to quickly establish which one of us can give her a lift etc. just a couple of reasons, but it works for us a family.

OP posts:
Original poster
annoyedatpartner · 29/08/2024 13:14

mamajong · 29/08/2024 09:18

We don't use tracking apps as a family but if we did the day dh used it to monitor driving would be the day I deleted it. But if he doesn't mind the questions and you're all happy then you do you

"Used it to monitor driving" is a skewed interpretation of the actual situation though, as you well know.

As I've (now repeatedly) said - I did not know this was a feature. We have it for practical reasons as a family and we are all on board with it. I received a notification that said "dangerous speed detected" or words to that effect. It's human nature to click on notifications that pop up on your phone. That's hardly "tracking", is it. How can I be "tracking" anyones driving when I wasn't aware that was even a feature of the app? 😂

Once I'd read the notification, I then messaged DP to ask if it was accurate - he confirmed it was. I said that's a bit fast isn't it, not the safest. He replied that he hadn't realised and slowed down as soon as he had. And that's the end of the discussion between us. No drama.

There's more drama on this thread about the app than there is or ever was in my home put it that way 😂

OP posts:
LividSummers · 29/08/2024 09:22

I have this app with my adult siblings. We all freely consent to it (I’m a solo parent and find it reassuring someone would know where I was in an emergency rather than creepy).

mamajong · 29/08/2024 09:18

We don't use tracking apps as a family but if we did the day dh used it to monitor driving would be the day I deleted it. But if he doesn't mind the questions and you're all happy then you do you

Snugglemonkey · 29/08/2024 09:10

Icanttakethisanymore · 28/08/2024 20:23

I wouldn’t be quizzing my DP about how fast he’d been driving. Id ignore it and also turn that function off for the future. That’s not a level of detail I need to have about my DPs behaviour when I’m not around. I can see how some of the functions might be useful but not this one.

Absolutely. Noone needs this information and it should not be offered.

Pineappleprep · 29/08/2024 08:37

Following your update that he's admitted doing over 100, even if he didn't realise which I really don't buy, I'd be fuming.

Original poster
annoyedatpartner · 28/08/2024 21:12

I can guarantee DP will be googling how to disable that feature!

You know what? GOOD.

Because as an already anxious person, I can do without a notification popping up on my phone to say, "hey, here's something dangerous your partner just did that you otherwise wouldn't have known about, that you can now stress about" 🙄 Not massively conducive to a relaxing evening, funnily enough.

OP posts:
Proudbitch · 28/08/2024 21:01

ThatFlightyTemptress · 28/08/2024 20:24

Every single time I’m on a motorway I see cars driving this fast. Not saying it’s right, but it’s totally common

Yes. Its common, and it works out ok a lot of the time. Until it doesn’t …

Cannotforgiveorforget · 28/08/2024 20:57

I’d be pretty PO if my partner “mentioned” that they tracked me breaking the speed limit. FFS turn that creepy surveillance measure off! How do you think people lived before this shit..

Icanttakethisanymore · 28/08/2024 20:52

annoyedatpartner · 28/08/2024 20:39

@Icanttakethisanymore
I generally think my partner is a good driver too which is why this shocked me. I'm not sure anyone is a safe driver at that sort of speed. It's just unnecessary. I'm not saying I'm a perfect driver who's never broken the limit but I just think over 100 is a bit excessive. Like I say, my judgement on this possibly clouded by the fatality on that same road a few months back where a baby and his mother were killed. The driver was doing in excess of 100 when he hit them. That's quite emotive and close to home I suppose, so it's sitting uncomfortably for me that's all.

I can see how being close to an accident like that would impact how you feel about it. It just doesn’t bear thinking about does it ☹️

Heedthaball · 28/08/2024 20:50

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

TheTigerWhoCameToEatMyArsehole · 28/08/2024 20:44

ThatFlightyTemptress · 28/08/2024 20:24

Every single time I’m on a motorway I see cars driving this fast. Not saying it’s right, but it’s totally common

Mumsnetters don't exceed 30mph even on the motorway.

Original poster
annoyedatpartner · 28/08/2024 20:39

@Icanttakethisanymore
I generally think my partner is a good driver too which is why this shocked me. I'm not sure anyone is a safe driver at that sort of speed. It's just unnecessary. I'm not saying I'm a perfect driver who's never broken the limit but I just think over 100 is a bit excessive. Like I say, my judgement on this possibly clouded by the fatality on that same road a few months back where a baby and his mother were killed. The driver was doing in excess of 100 when he hit them. That's quite emotive and close to home I suppose, so it's sitting uncomfortably for me that's all.

OP posts:
Icanttakethisanymore · 28/08/2024 20:34

annoyedatpartner · 28/08/2024 20:31

I haven't consciously set any of the features. I don't even fully understand the app to be honest. As I said in my OP, I was randomly notified of a "dangerous speed" or words to that effect. It popped up as a notification and so I naturally clicked on it. I didn't realise until today that it was a feature. And I didn't "quiz" him, I asked him once if he'd done over 100mph as the app had notified me, and said I felt that was unsafe if it was accurate. That's hardly quizzing.

I do feel people are getting hung up on details that aren't relevant. Regardless of the reason I know about it, my point is that I feel it's reckless and unsafe.

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I understand you find the app helpful, that’s fine. Personally I wouldn’t be annoyed; my DP is a very good driver so I trust his judgement on how fast to drive. I’m sure the app is probably configurable and I would personally look to turn this feature off for the future.