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AIBU?

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Original poster

Can't be bothered to cook for son

515 replies

palmtreesands · 28/08/2024 14:57

We only have limited fridge and freezer space so him buying his own shopping is not an option.
Dh eats at work and I like to take a massive salad to work among other things and pick so don't eat again in the evening.
Ds comes home from work expecting a home cooked dinner and I find it such a headache, if I haven't cooked or we've eaten I out as we sometimes do he expects their to be ingredients to make himself something to eat.... their often isn't and I am racing up the shop to buy him something to make but as I said food has to be included in his monthly contribution otherwise he'll come back with shopping that we don't have room for.
Aibu to let this stress me out so much, I'm hot and bothered and don't want the headache of feeding him but he pays £400 a month to live here so expects there to be food to eat and I can't be bothered with the hassle of always making sure there's something in when we don't have family meals.

OP posts:
PinkyFlamingo · 28/08/2024 18:57

OP have you issues with food and eating? It's really not normal to survive on a salad a day, even if it is "massive".

NiftyKoala · 28/08/2024 18:57

MerryMarys · 28/08/2024 15:08

So he can't buy his own food as you have no space for him to do so, you don't want to buy food for him and you won't cook for him. What a way to treat your own son.

And he has to pay £400 per month Shock

Wow. This is pretty unfair

PinkyFlamingo · 28/08/2024 18:55

WickerwomanIamnot · 28/08/2024 15:12

what exactly prevents him from cooking his own meals. I suppose he is an adult as he works.

The fact that his Mum won't let him store any food in the fridge and freezer obviously!

CaptainMyCaptain · 28/08/2024 18:44

pinkyredrose · 28/08/2024 18:26

Why? He isn't even OP's son, he's her husbands, why should Op cook for him when she isn't cooking for herself?

Show quote history

She said she thinks of him as her son. She calls him her son. This sounds like a very dysfunctional household all round. The DH should certainly pull his weight but we don't know if the son is 18 or 38 - I suspect at the younger end. Has anybody even bothered to teach him to cook? I doubt it if no-one else in the house cooks.

Ellie1015 · 28/08/2024 18:42

You won't cook for him, buy ingredients for him to cook or allow him space in the fridge for his own food??? You and your dh are awful.

£400 per month to live with his dad and is grudged an evening meal!!! Ridiculous.

GreatMistakes · 28/08/2024 18:39

What's in your fridge when you don't eat lunch or tea at home 5 nights a week?

1apenny2apenny · 28/08/2024 18:39

I've solved this problem!
Get him to buy his own small fridge, he can store what he likes then and cook his own delicious dinners.....,,

And I'm willing to bet that in about 2 months we'll hear his he leaves a mess in the kitchen and has ruined all the pans.

So OP what is exactly the issue? Is it you feeling you should cook him a meal or has he said he expects it. You could solve this problem by being clear with what you're providing space wise is the fridge. After all we could all be being very mean here ....

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 28/08/2024 18:39

Sounds like he has had a difficult upbringing. Living with his father but his father doesnt make him food. Raising him on takeout or letting him fend for himself.

He is not your son. This is your husband‘s issue to sort. Direct him to his father.

how old is he?

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 28/08/2024 18:36

Belladone · 28/08/2024 15:36

What’s in your freezer, can you not get something out and start using it ?, I would bulk cook, pasta / rice all sorts, portion it up and get one out in the morning to defrost and reheat in the evening.

start doing a weekly shop I pay for delivery from Tesco on a monthly thing it soon pays for itself you can have as many deliveries for over £50 you like.

clear some freezer space and bulk cook, use a slow cooker to make it easier.

Or the DP could do this for his own son (not op who isn’t his real mum)???

Happilyobtuse · 28/08/2024 18:32

If you have a freezer then buy and store food in it. Do an online shop to get groceries in for a week. Not everything needs refrigeration. Daily take one item of meat out of freezer at night and put it in the fridge. Overnight it will defrost in the fridge. Then marinate in the morning and in the evening pop into oven. Boil some pasta, or make some rice, spaghetti etc. and serve cooked meat with chosen carbs and a side of veg. It really isn’t rocket science. How old are you and why haven’t you learnt to cook till now when you have an adult/teenage son?! How do you expect him to learn to cook if you never model good eating habits?! Graze all day and don’t eat at meal times?! Bizarre!

BMW6 · 28/08/2024 18:30

mumedu · 28/08/2024 18:27

Cruel. Do you have children?

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Why "cruel"?

He's an adult and his Dad lives with him. Why is it the OP who is being focused on?

Why do YOU think it's the OP's place to sort this out?

Bignanna · 28/08/2024 18:28

Anonym00se · 28/08/2024 15:01

Can’t you take less keep money and make him buy/cook his own meals?

£400 is cheap without food!

BMW6 · 28/08/2024 18:28

TruthorDie · 28/08/2024 18:11

Why does OP have to work it out? Her partner and his son can work out they need to less beer filling up the fridge, means food can be put in it. Then what food he wants and can cook. In OP’s shoes l wouldn’t give it any thought

This!

Why are so many posters making it her problem to solve?

The 2 men involved can get a separate fridge for their beers or sons food and he can cook his own meals!

If the son thinks his £400pm should include food he should take it up with his Dad surely? They can go food shopping for him when they go for their beer and snack supplies!

In short this isn't OP'S problem is it - unless you think it's "women's work"??🙄

Howdull · 28/08/2024 18:27

I'm tempted to ask the OP to put up a picture of the fridge full of beer and snacks and the freezer with no room in it. Because I don't believe her.

MarkWithaC · 28/08/2024 18:27

MounjaroUser · 28/08/2024 16:20

He's not her son. He's her partner's son.

Her partner isn't cooking anything, is he?

And the OP is 34 weeks pregnant, too.

There are three adults in the house. How come she has to be the one who does the cooking?

I do wonder where his actual father fits into this.
Yes, there should be food in. But who think of it/buys it/cooks it is a different issue.
If they can put beer and snacks in the fridge can they not put food in it?
And get more storage! How the heck can you not have enough room, especially if you and your DP hardly keep any food in?

mumedu · 28/08/2024 18:27

Howmanycatsistoomany · 28/08/2024 18:14

Why is this your problem OP? He's a grown adult, why can't he cook his own tea? And if he can't fit any food in the fridge because it's full of his/his dad's beers, then again, why is this your problem?

Cruel. Do you have children?

pinkyredrose · 28/08/2024 18:26

BirthdayRainbow · 28/08/2024 18:23

I feel sorry for him.

Why? He isn't even OP's son, he's her husbands, why should Op cook for him when she isn't cooking for herself?

Elbone · 28/08/2024 18:26

You don’t consider him your son if you begrudge him something as basic as an evening meal.
Replace the small freezer with a large fridge freezer.

Duparsisoverrated · 28/08/2024 18:26

Please tell me you’re not taking £400 a month off your son. That’s extortionate.

Wigtopia · 28/08/2024 18:24

Testina · 28/08/2024 16:39

This is just ridiculous. You can’t be serious.
Grown arse adult and you’re going out in the evening after work to buy stuff to cook for just his dinner?

  1. stop
  2. reduce his rent by whatever you’d included for food
  3. let him deal with it
  4. including moving his beers if needed 😆
  5. stop stop stop

You are doing him no favours running around after him. Not even his father is bothering to do that

Oh and 6. Stop doing his laundry cos I bet you’re doing that too!

Agree with most of this apart from the 2nd one. £400 is already cheap even without food and labour of cooking it included.

Putting · 28/08/2024 18:23

Waffle78 · 28/08/2024 18:19

If he's the only one that wants a hot meal he should be the one who cooks it. Can't he just chuck a baked potato in? I part cook in the microwave finish in the air fryer. Done in no time. Or he could do batch cooking put in individual portions and freeze. He's an adult he should be able to cook for himself.

Doesn’t sound like there’s any space in the freezer (and I’m not sure that’s down to the beers) - it seems to be full of meat that nobody is using.

Howdull · 28/08/2024 18:23

For the love of god make a bit of space in the fridge and freezer for your son to put food.

I'd do anything for my kids.

BirthdayRainbow · 28/08/2024 18:23

I feel sorry for him.

Waffle78 · 28/08/2024 18:19

If he's the only one that wants a hot meal he should be the one who cooks it. Can't he just chuck a baked potato in? I part cook in the microwave finish in the air fryer. Done in no time. Or he could do batch cooking put in individual portions and freeze. He's an adult he should be able to cook for himself.

Howmanycatsistoomany · 28/08/2024 18:19

Peanutbuttercrumble · 28/08/2024 17:57

The guy just wants hot dinners, nowhere has op said he's refusing to cook for himself. She has said he's not allowed space in the fridge and therefore can't store food to cook for himself.
The justification for this is because he pays £400 which is supposed to include food for him, so he doesn't need a space in the fridge, but op hasn't been buying food to cook because she wants to live on massive salads ?

Bizarre.

Show quote history

Where has she said he's not allowed space in the fridge? She's said him and his dad have filled the fridge with their beer and snacks.