Can't be bothered to cook for son

Ok, there’s an easy way to settle this

@palmtreesands how would your husband respond to you clearing the fridge of beer?

Yes because I apparently keep having to make it because for some reason over and over and over again people keep trying to make out that the OP is the one causing this situation and she won't let the poor son eat. She's not allowing him to do this, she's not allowing him to do that. She's not stopping him from doing anything!

As I said, maybe she doesn't moan about the DH because he isn't the one expecting her to go out every evening to buy ingredients.

Tbh I don't care if you ignore my posts, I don't look at the usernames though, so any 'she's not allowing' this or that and I'm probably gonna reply regardless to explain that he is allowed, he's just filling the fridge with beer instead. 😂

Get a drinks fridge. Give him some basic recipes and get him the bits in to make them. Surely you can just have a load of cupboard food available? Eg he could make some spaghetti bolognaise with a carrot, an onion, tinned tomatoes, and some mince from the freezer. Not challenging. Also you could make food that you freeze some of so you have stuff in he can microwave.

Charge him less rent and let him sort it out himself.

I am guessing it's a regular size fridge? Could they have 6 beers in the fridge and the rest for food?

You are charging him for food so you need to make sure there is food in the house for him to cook and eat. He can/ should definitely be making his own meals if you are not eating at the same time but you need to supply the food.

Or decrease his rent and let him buy some food himself. There must be some space. This would be the better option, he can plan the meals himself and you don’t even need to think about it.

It’s unfair to say he can’t buy any food himself because there is no room but then to charge him for food and not buy it for him.

"...I don't feel like cooking in this heat and didn't think many people ate hot meals through the summer I know I didn't growing up "

That's really interesting. My experience growing up was totally different.

I don't recall ever having an evening meal during the week that wasn't cooked.

The only time I recall not having a hot meal in the evening was on some Sundays (after we'd had Sunday lunch) that my mum would serve up what she would call a "half-a-crown tea". This would be sandwiches, a bit of cake and some fancy biscuits like chocolate fingers.

For context this was back in the 1970s.

[I later found out that a "half-a-crown tea" back in the day was sort of like a cheap version of the posh "afternoon tea" that high end hotels do.]

But, to be totally frank, ever since then I don't think that I have ever had an uncooked meal in the evening - ever. Even if it was just, say, baked beans on toast.

It's always interesting to learn how other people live.

Oh fgs! Yes we KNOW she is not the one filling the fridge with beer and we KNOW the fridge is full of beer because both DS and DH FILL it with beer - you have made that point every single reply you have made to my posts! Plus it has also been mentioned many times on this thread that the FRIDGE IS FULL OF FRIGGIN BEER and there is ‘apparently’ nowhere to store fresh ingredients!!

My point is the DH is just as responsible for filling the fridge with beer as is the DS but op isn’t moaning about her DH or claiming there is no storage for his food! She only seems to be focusing on DS when BOTH are responsible for filling the fridge with beer!So unfortunately your argument doesn’t stand up against what I’m trying to say!

All we are doing is going around in circles so if you come back to me one more time with “but the fridge is full of beer” or “but the op is not the one filling the fridge with beer” I will just ignore you because you’re just saying the same thing over and over again! And she IS putting only him in that situation because is only resentful of the DS for it rather than her DH as well and she is actually charging DS for food but moaning about providing it!!!

This

He should be given fridge space.

How many beers do they drink per day? Store them somewhere else just leaving 2 or 3 in the fridge, when they take one out replenish it with the stock you have - that will create more space.

If the alternative freezer you have is full of meat why can something not be taken out each morning and he cook it for dinner?

I would personally allocate a small space in the fridge for his veg as needed (he surely can just have 2-4 vegetables that are used on rotation for his meals during that week) and then say that he can have the freezer in the other room for any meat he wants to buy and it’s his responsibility to take it out the day before or morning that he wants it.

You must be wasting a huge amount of money buying bits whenever, it’s also teaching him a really bad way to manage his money for when he gets his own place. Why can you not sit down together and make a list and do an online shop / click and collect once every couple of weeks?

Why on earth are you completely ignoring the facts that

The son is not the OP'S

The son is a working ADULT

The father of said son is in the same house

The father and son have filled the fridge full of THEIR BEERS AND SNACKS

The son should be perfectly capable of buying his own ingredients, storing them (instead of his beers, or buying his own fridge) and cooking his own meals.

I really would like you to explain why you are putting the onus on the OP to feed this adult stepson? Why not the adult himself or his Dad??

Why her?

It is similar because it is two houses where the parents make it impossible for a compromise to be met.
It is similar because for every solution, the parents find a reason to disallow it.
If the problem was really that the fridge was FULL of beer, the OP would have removed some of them (one single shelf) to make space for his food already. Or to have purchased a fridge big enough to hold food for the people who live in the house. She and her husband haven’t. Which either means a) the dad would be furious if his beer was removed to make room for someone else’s food (which my step dad would have been), or b) she simply wants create another reason why he can’t possibly expect to have food in the house.

She hasn't put him in that situation.
She's not the one who's filling the fridge full of beer.

I always have a few days worth of ingredients in my fridge, if that got taken over with beer meaning I had nowhere to store fresh ingredients then it wouldn't be me putting other people in that situation.

Yes I reckon they must have an alcohol problem.

'Massive salad' etc. Own up, which tattle member has whipped up this frenzy of outrage ? Just too easy....

I’m shocked at some of replies on here, suggesting it’s unreasonable an adult pays their way or cooks their own meals! Some of the people may be homeowners or social tenants with much lower housing costs. For parents who are private tenants, are they supposed to absorb huge rent increases while adult children contribute nothing?

You sound quite mean towards your step-son. In fact, the eating habits of both you and your husband are quite odd, as it appears neither of you really eat much nor eat dinner. There really should be a family discussion, so that your stepson has space to store groceries and left over food. From other commenters, it appears you are pregnant. Do you not intend to feed your child nutritious, hot dinners either?

Come on everybody... this is clearly a wind up! 😂

Well you said you weren't allowed to use the washing machine.

He IS allowed to use the fridge. He just uses it for beer.

They're clearly not in any way similar.

Op hasn’t actually said he ‘isn’t allowed to eat’, no - but she isn’t actually allowing him to eat! She has said he comes home expecting a home cooked dinner - yes. But then goes on to say “If I haven’t cooked or we’ve eaten out he expects there to be ingredients to MAKE HIMSELF SOMETHING TO EAT”, she also says “there often isn’t and I am racing up the shop to buy him something to make but as I said food has to be included in his monthly contribution otherwise he'll come back with shopping that we don't have room for”

So yes, whilst op hasn’t openly said to him “you are not allowed to eat” she has put him in a situation where she is actually not allowing to eat - if that makes sense. Yes there are beers in the fridge but it’s not all down to the DS, it’s DH too but op only seems resentful of the DS for some reason. What I don’t understand is that unless the fridge is one of those mini drinks fridges you keep on the counter top, how can there be so much beer that there is very little storage for food. Which is now making me wonder if the DH and possibly DS have some sort of alcohol problem.

You are being unreasonable
I don't get people that charge their children rent £400 a month can't leave him much.
You don't want to cook for him you won't give him space for food.
Let's hope you don't end up needing him to care for you someday
I'm surprised he hasn't moved out.
It's shocking if that's how you treat your own child.
Is that how you were treated as a child?

So you don't want to cook for him, won't allow him to buy his own food and charge him £400/month to include his food but then don't buy food for him to cook himself...

I can think of a few choice words but they would get me banned.

You are being so unbelievably unreasonable.

And why not?

Children can't sponge off their parents when they are grown-up.

😂😂😂 you think you know of it sounds similar to my experience better than I do?

It’s not impossible that the dad would be very unhappy about his beers being removed from a fridge in a house where they leave no room or importance for food.

Each to their own but your family life and eating habits seem rather chaotic to me. If you don't want to pop to the shops every day then the solution is surely to plan some meals im advance or allow your son to do so. Given that you don't do a big shop and seem not to eat dinner, I can't imagine you don't have room in the fridge. Simply store the beer outside the fridge and they can chill some as and when they need it. This is absolutely bizarre and you're making a mountain out of a mole hill.

If a man ever told me a sob story about how when he lived at home there was no room in the fridge for his food because it was so full of his beer then I'd run a mile.