Can't be bothered to cook for son

If he's working, drinking beer and paying rent I'd say he's old enough.

But you don't have any dinner at all, and don't keep any of your own food in the fridge apart from apparently yoghurt, that sounds like very disordered eating.

Just get another fridge freezer there must be somewhere for it, even if it's not in the kitchen then he can at least buy a week's shopping and cook his own meals.

How old is DS? Is he still in school? How much is he working? Also, how much beer is being consumed on a daily basis? It seems worrisome that so much beer must be kept cold that there isn’t room for food in the fridge. If money is tight, why buy so much beer?

I agree with PP’s that at minimum, DS needs fridge space for food he can prepare for himself. This thread reminds me of when I was in high school. I had to work an after school job because I had to buy and prepare all of my own meals. My parents both worked places that had cafeterias that served huge breakfast and lunch plates. They weren’t hungry for an evening meal and usually ate snack foods in front of the tv. Meanwhile, I had to sort all of my meals, including buying the ingredients. My parents even fussed at me about using their pots, pans and appliances.

Either you need to provide food for your son or you need to give him the ability to provide his own (fridge space). He has to eat.

There's no room in my fridge either so my son has his own small one. I'd drop what he's paying you so he can buy his own food to cook. No reason he can't cook for himself, but you have to be fair and make that possible.

The arrangement we have is that the grown children contribute something and they can use milk, eggs, bread, fruit, anything that is a common item really, which is most things. The only things off limits are things bought personally for myself and the things I buy for meals I cook for the family.

This is so weird. You don't have to cook for him, but you do have to have room in the fridge for food either he buys, or you buy. Invest in a beer fridge. This thread is making me hangry.

Congratulations OP!
Jolly well done.
🤣🤣🤣

👆This.

For goodness sake @palmtreesands … by all means don’t cook for him. But you have to allow him to store food that he can cook for himself. Sort the fridge situation out and sort out a weekly online order. Job done.

In the same post (or couple of posts) we also had picky bits and wanting to “just pick”.

Horrendous - I was surprised no one mentioned it earlier.

Too many beer cans.
🤣🤣🤣

Give him a shelf of his own in the fridge.

I’m feeling a bit confused by this thread.

OP, could the three of you sit down together and problem-solve this? What do you each want/ where can you make compromises and be flexible, etc.?

When your son is hungry, he needs some means to buy and make food for himself, I’d say this is a human right.

Also it sounds like maybe him and his dad have some ways of doing things (beer and take away) which are different to how you like to live?

How can you all adapt and figure out a way to get different needs met? You can’t expect him to eat and live in the same way as you.

Also, £400 a month seems really steep! Whose decision was it to charge him this? I’m guessing that he may want to move out at some point, but how on earth will he save enough to do so if he’s paying £400 a month!

Me too!

It sounds miserable no one eating at home or cooking. He needs to eat! Cook for him or make sure there's space for him to buy food and cook. If his beer is in the way and you have a normal sized fridge (if you don't buy one) then explain not all the beer needs chilling once. Also why is there a freezer full of meat when no one cooks?

In Summer we avoid having the oven on for prolonged periods (so no roasts) but cook stuff on the hob, pasta, stir-fry etc or if it is mega hot use the oven for short periods for pizza or a pasta bake. We also barbecue.

This is a weird one. Why a fridge in the conservatory full of frozen meat if not anyone is cooking in a regular basis?

Also where are you based OP - I hope not the U.K., or your repeated references to the heat as an excuse are just even more laughable.

Sorry can’t sympathise with this post - it just doesn’t make any sense to me to have my son arriving at home after work/school/ whatever and don’t have food for him to have if he wants! you might feel tired after a day of work and don’t feel like cooking for him but at least you have to reduce the £400 and let do his shopping/cooking . You can’t really expect an adult young man as I’m assuming he is to live out of crackers, nuts and picky bits.

And?? She also said that the food comes out of the money he pays her when she goes to the shop after he finishes work and that if he buys things himself he will just end up buying a load of stuff that there is no room in the fridge for - or words to that effect! So she is charging him money which op has said includes food! However, of the DS wants to buy something for himself then there is no room in the fridge but op said she can’t be bothered to cook him anything! The DS simply cannot win in this situation- op can’t be bothered to cook for him but doesn’t want him to buy his own food to cook either so goes out to the shop to buy it herself! I’m not quite sure what she’s complaining about apart from beers being in the fridge! Which is also 50% her DH’s fault!

Cooking and cleaning has been my job requirements on previous jobs. There is nothing special or hard about it. Nor difficult.

I would cook for my son, if I loved him and if I had him happily being at home, agreed to that, and he is good, gives me 400 pounds and does not come with a different lady each night, yes, I would cook.

This thread has to be a wind up surely? OP poses a scenario where she's ruled out every solution. She comes back to the thread but answers almost no questions about the problem, just her own eating habits. No explanation for why DS can't cook for himself. No explanation for why the fridge has to he full of beer.

I don't think she wants a solution from MN.

I don't know where you are but the temperature has dramatically reduced here and we've had mostly wind and rain. Eating a hot meal is actually the best way to cool down. I only know because I questioned why they were serving DD a roast dinner in hospital during a heat wave🥵🥵🥵the staff explained it.

Because of our internal thermostat which causes us to perspire. The perspiration on our skin then cools the skin. Same with a hot cup of tea. Cold food and drinks might cool you down briefly but they don't get rid of the excess heat in the body. So hot food does warm us up. But it also cools us down.

She actually said he expects there to be food.* *

The thing is…. Op has stated very clearly in her first post that the £400 does include food!

Eh?
The £400 covers rent and bills, nor a live in maid service.

Why would an adult expect to live there for free exactly?

Jesus, OP, but you sound like a lazy, thick, careless cow here, with your 'picky teas' and can't be bothered with 'hot dinners', What are you taking £400 off this lad for if not to provide some kind of home comforts? He's not eating food you and his father are providing, he's not allowed to put his own food in the kitchen to cook for himself. Do you really just want him to fuck off out of your house to his own place? Or do you find the £400 convenient, but would rather not provide anything for it?

Personally, I have always taken a bit of pride and pleasure in providing decent home cooking for my family, even - actually especially - when I was working FT and commuting. DS and his GF will be staying here this weekend in order to get to work at a three-day booking. Long days to earn some extra money to go travelling. I couldn't be prouder of their efforts and will ensure they go off with a good breakfast, and can have a decent dinner when they get back. It feels like a small gesture of care and love to show them that their work and efforts are valued, and to give them a sense of home.

Unless there's some massive back story about how DSS and his father are actually prize pricks and hateful to you, I feel sorry for this lad and annoyed on his behalf by your carelessness. And I'm not usually a judgemental twat on here.