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Original poster

Can't be bothered to cook for son

515 replies

palmtreesands · 28/08/2024 14:57

We only have limited fridge and freezer space so him buying his own shopping is not an option.
Dh eats at work and I like to take a massive salad to work among other things and pick so don't eat again in the evening.
Ds comes home from work expecting a home cooked dinner and I find it such a headache, if I haven't cooked or we've eaten I out as we sometimes do he expects their to be ingredients to make himself something to eat.... their often isn't and I am racing up the shop to buy him something to make but as I said food has to be included in his monthly contribution otherwise he'll come back with shopping that we don't have room for.
Aibu to let this stress me out so much, I'm hot and bothered and don't want the headache of feeding him but he pays £400 a month to live here so expects there to be food to eat and I can't be bothered with the hassle of always making sure there's something in when we don't have family meals.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 28/08/2024 15:42

Hesma · 28/08/2024 15:02

I take it he’s an adult… if so then he can cook for himself

He would but apparently no ingredients

Notreat · 28/08/2024 15:42

arethereanyleftatall · 28/08/2024 15:11

This is all bonkers for an adult unless there's some needs or travel issues you haven't detailed.

My children have been getting their own food since there were about 12. I would look at them as if they were quite mad if they expected me to prepare theirs after work. It is outrageously entitled and sexist.

The reasons we all get our own food is I'm often at work when they're hungry, or we have sports to work around, and one of them is on a very healthy whole foods only diet which I don't want.

There is no way on earth in the details you've given that you should be making his food, or buying his food, and how dare he expect it.

You need to read the post. She won't let him store any food in the fridge or freezer as she says there is no room so he can't shop abs and cook for hinself

Goldbar · 28/08/2024 15:42

Ozanj · 28/08/2024 15:40

OP makes stepmums look so, so bad. I can’t imagine ever saying no to cooking for dsd.

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Well, I can, but I can't imagine saying 'No, I'm not going to cook for you and by the way, you can't store anything in the fridge. Go and have a packet of crisps or a chocolate bar for dinner or something!' 😂

TransformerZ · 28/08/2024 15:42

palmtreesands · 28/08/2024 15:00

He won't be happy with just a microwave meal. I'm absolutely knackered when I get home and the last thing I want to think about is his stomach.

Let him buy some food and use the fridge freezer and he makes his own food.
But you won't been let him use the fridge freezer.
You do not have to cook for him though.

Ozanj · 28/08/2024 15:41

redskydarknight · 28/08/2024 15:40

A couple of posters have suggested that you are pregnant. So what are you going to do when the baby gets to the solid food stage? You're going to have to find room for food, and cook it at least some of the time.

So do that now.

Baby’s hers. The ‘son’ is DPs. I imagine she’ll be more than happy to cook for the fruit of her loins lol

Ozanj · 28/08/2024 15:40

CloudywMeatballs · 28/08/2024 15:39

That seems incredibly sad to me. I can't imagine living as a family but always eating and preparing food separately.

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OP makes stepmums look so, so bad. I can’t imagine ever saying no to cooking for dsd.

Kpo58 · 28/08/2024 15:40

Just tell them they can't use more than 1/2 to 1 shelf with beer & snacks and have real food in the rest of it. You don't want to be living in a pub. Give your son a shelf too so that he can cook food for himself. Problem solved. If they disagree, then they need to go to alcoholics detox program.

I've managed to successfully divide an under counter fridge between DH and 2 tenants without having stupid arguments over it.

redskydarknight · 28/08/2024 15:40

A couple of posters have suggested that you are pregnant. So what are you going to do when the baby gets to the solid food stage? You're going to have to find room for food, and cook it at least some of the time.

So do that now.

AdviceNeeded2024 · 28/08/2024 15:39

RichmondReader · 28/08/2024 15:33

I am trying to imagine this fridge that only holds a few beers and snacks.

Make space in the fridge or get a bigger or second fridge.

If you don't want to do a weekly shop and he doesn't want to do a weekly shop, each of you get 3 days of food in once a week. So Monday your DS picks up 3 days worth and then Thursday, you do it. And GET EACH OTHER'S FOOD whilst you're doing it. You're a family - live like one.

Exactly. I find it hard to believe one fridge can’t have enough space for 3 peoples food.

NeedToChangeName · 28/08/2024 15:39

Poor lad. What do you expect him to do? Buy his own food every day, but he can't store any ingredients or leftovers, as there's no space in the fridge for his food?

Ozanj · 28/08/2024 15:39

palmtreesands · 28/08/2024 15:36

What did you do when your son was younger? Have you never had "family meals" Perhaps you son doesn't know how to cook? I@m thinking if you've never had family meals together - your son is unlikely to suddenly be able to cook for himself now he's working.
He's dh's son but I consider him my son as he's lived with dh since he was small although I wasn't on the scene the whole time they ate a lot of take away but that doesn't fit into the budget now.

I suppose I have a lot to learn but I don't feel like cooking in this heat and didn't think many people ate hot meals through the summer I know I didn't growing up and dh doesn't fancy it just ds does.

No, you can’t consider him your son if you aren’t prepared to cook for him. Lol this isn’t even something a parent would have any problem with. Why is his dad not being asked to cook too?

CloudywMeatballs · 28/08/2024 15:39

Abigaillovesholidays · 28/08/2024 15:21

This all seems odd- so you never eat a home cooked meal together as a family?

That seems incredibly sad to me. I can't imagine living as a family but always eating and preparing food separately.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 28/08/2024 15:39

When are you due OP, you're heavily pregnant and still working?

Dragonsandcats · 28/08/2024 15:39

What did you do in the winter? Or did you eat in the evening then - how did you fit food in the fridge?

HelpAGirlOut1234 · 28/08/2024 15:38

Putting · 28/08/2024 15:04

So if you don’t want to cook for him (fair), don’t want to make sure there’s food in for him to cook (fair), and won’t let him buy his own food… what is he meant to do, exactly?

This! What the hell is he supposed to do?

How old is he by the way? £400 for a DC living at home is pretty average and would usually include food, which you're not providing. Charge him less and get a bigger fridge!

CowGirl19 · 28/08/2024 15:38

palmtreesands · 28/08/2024 15:28

It's both ds and his dad they both drink it together. I have a small freezer in the conservatory which I bought in Covid but that's full of frozen meat and things that would be out of date if not frozen.
I think if he brought home something each evening to make then he'd be doing exactly what I'm doing for him but that doesn't seem right so I do feel obligated to cook something but I'm finding it very stressful maybe it's just because it's so hot.

Show quote history

Honestly one of the most bonkers threads I've read lately.
If there is meat in the freezer - why dont you (or your son) take a portion of meat out in the morning (easy to portion up chicken/sausages/chops enough for one person)
So everyone else is saying your pregnant? I dont see why that's so relevent here? I get that you may have days when you're tired? But if your son is old enough to work surely he's old enough to learn how to grill a chop or similar when he's home from work??
You have a total non-issue here!

Goldbar · 28/08/2024 15:38

If you're going to live like flatmates, you need to organise the set-up properly.

How many shelves in your fridge? 3/4? Everyone gets a shelf and then one shelf is used for shared items like milk, cheese, butter. If they want to keep beer/snacks etc. in the fridge, they need to use their shelf space.

Set a rent for your DS that doesn't involve food/cooking.

When the baby comes, you'll need fridge space for bottles etc. so really you need a separate fridge for your DS by that point.

Are you the only one who's going to cook for the baby? Because they'll be weaning and need meals pretty soon.

Your whole set-up needs a re-think.

MammaTo · 28/08/2024 15:38

I’d reduce my housekeeping money accordingly if there was no food in the house for me.

Rory17384949 · 28/08/2024 15:38

I don't really understand? You either charge him enough to cover buying his food or charge him less and he buys his own food?

Either way he should cook himself if he's the only one eating.

Can't you meal plan every weekend and just buy what you all need for the week?

AdviceNeeded2024 · 28/08/2024 15:38

The phrase “massive salad” indicates this might be a wind up post to me 🤔

Arlott · 28/08/2024 15:37

you all sound mean to each other. Why not eat less during the day and eat together at night like a family? Why not buy a beer fridge and make space for proper food. It all sounds completely joyless

Belladone · 28/08/2024 15:36

What’s in your freezer, can you not get something out and start using it ?, I would bulk cook, pasta / rice all sorts, portion it up and get one out in the morning to defrost and reheat in the evening.

start doing a weekly shop I pay for delivery from Tesco on a monthly thing it soon pays for itself you can have as many deliveries for over £50 you like.

clear some freezer space and bulk cook, use a slow cooker to make it easier.

Neveranynamesleft · 28/08/2024 15:36

What does he get for his £400 a month ??

Original poster
palmtreesands · 28/08/2024 15:36

What did you do when your son was younger? Have you never had "family meals" Perhaps you son doesn't know how to cook? I@m thinking if you've never had family meals together - your son is unlikely to suddenly be able to cook for himself now he's working.
He's dh's son but I consider him my son as he's lived with dh since he was small although I wasn't on the scene the whole time they ate a lot of take away but that doesn't fit into the budget now.

I suppose I have a lot to learn but I don't feel like cooking in this heat and didn't think many people ate hot meals through the summer I know I didn't growing up and dh doesn't fancy it just ds does.

OP posts: