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AIBU?

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Original poster

Can't be bothered to cook for son

515 replies

palmtreesands · 28/08/2024 14:57

We only have limited fridge and freezer space so him buying his own shopping is not an option.
Dh eats at work and I like to take a massive salad to work among other things and pick so don't eat again in the evening.
Ds comes home from work expecting a home cooked dinner and I find it such a headache, if I haven't cooked or we've eaten I out as we sometimes do he expects their to be ingredients to make himself something to eat.... their often isn't and I am racing up the shop to buy him something to make but as I said food has to be included in his monthly contribution otherwise he'll come back with shopping that we don't have room for.
Aibu to let this stress me out so much, I'm hot and bothered and don't want the headache of feeding him but he pays £400 a month to live here so expects there to be food to eat and I can't be bothered with the hassle of always making sure there's something in when we don't have family meals.

OP posts:
Puffalicious · 28/08/2024 17:05

TheThreeCheesesOfTheApocalypse44 · 28/08/2024 16:58

The obvious answer is to half is contribution to £200 a month to cover bills and let him sort his own food out.

I agree.
His father needs to cook, or make the ingredients available for him to cook. Taking him food shopping & working it out together is a good idea. I had a delightful hour in Lidl with student DS on Monday picking what he wanted & advising. However, at 20 he's a brilliant cook & great budgeter: his DAD taught him to cook & I taught him to plan & budget (DS2 17 is closely following). It's your DS's dad's job to do this, you can get involved if you want. But he does need to have space to store the food & some help to plan. These are life skills that will serve him well.

MaisieMacabe · 28/08/2024 17:04

Putting · 28/08/2024 17:03

It’s on her other thread

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Thanks

Putting · 28/08/2024 17:03

MaisieMacabe · 28/08/2024 17:02

Where does it say she's 34 weeks pregnant? I must have missed that.

It’s on her other thread

MaisieMacabe · 28/08/2024 17:02

Where does it say she's 34 weeks pregnant? I must have missed that.

MounjaroUser · 28/08/2024 17:01

Conniebygaslight · 28/08/2024 16:57

Send him to me, I’ll look after him…..poor lad, works all week and pays £400 a month and just wants a shelf in your fridge.

I really hope the OP takes you up on this.

Do you realise:

He's an adult
He's not her son
She's 34 weeks pregnant
She has a job
Her partner doesn't cook for him either
She can't use the fridge because it's full of the dad's and son's beer?

TheHouseElf · 28/08/2024 17:00

Got to say, I do feel rather sorry for the lad.

You've been given solutions to make this situation better, so hopefully its given you some ideas. We've a small fridge, so do 2 shops every week - one delivered, one from supermarket. That way we can fit what we need and buy as we go along through the week.

I cook every night in the summer - actually 2 rounds as have an autistic son who doesn't eat what the rest of us do. Not always easy, I sometimes move a fan into the kitchen so it doesn't get that bad. I often use an air-fryer as it gives off less heat, or make a huge batch of pasta which can be easily reheated for later meals. Maybe buy him some quick easy to cook options he could do for himself.

But taking £400 off him, and not providing him with at least with the raw ingredients so he can make something himself, is really not right.

Testina · 28/08/2024 17:00

Fingeronthebutton · 28/08/2024 16:45

Poor little sod 😥
I hope he knows that not all mothers are like you.

WTF?! 😆
Poor little sod?
he’s a grown arse adult with a fridge full of his beer and snacks. Not seeing where the sympathy is required.
What age do you think grown men should cook their own dinner??

TheThreeCheesesOfTheApocalypse44 · 28/08/2024 16:58

The obvious answer is to half is contribution to £200 a month to cover bills and let him sort his own food out.

Conniebygaslight · 28/08/2024 16:57

Send him to me, I’ll look after him…..poor lad, works all week and pays £400 a month and just wants a shelf in your fridge.

thequickbrowndog · 28/08/2024 16:55

@OneSparklyPeachDreamer give it up mate!

MerryMarys · 28/08/2024 16:53

I would only charge my children rent if they could afford it and i would also want my adult children to eat a healthy and balanced diet!

AdviceNeeded2024 · 28/08/2024 16:53

marshmallowfinder · 28/08/2024 16:45

It's incredibly humid where I am and I can't cope well either. It's been like this for a few days now. If you're too hot, you're too hot. It's not difficult to understand that everyone feels different.

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I don’t find it ‘difficult to understand’ and do not tolerate warm weather at all. As the OP had not indicated where she is, for the vast majority of the UK outside of the SE it is nowhere near warm, esp. not for August.

But thanks so much for the condescending reply 🙄

thequickbrowndog · 28/08/2024 16:52

No son you can't keep food in my fridge and I won't be cooking my food for you either.

justlikebuses · 28/08/2024 16:51

£400 is cheap rent and bills. I've explained to my adult child that the rent I charge does not equate to a hotel maid service.
However, he's in a hard place if he doesn't have anywhere to store his ingredients.

MaisieMacabe · 28/08/2024 16:47

crimsonlake · 28/08/2024 16:46

Tbh as has already been said...if you won't cook, buy food or allow your son to store food you need to stop taking £400 off him a month. Poor son.

This, 💯

Neveranynamesleft · 28/08/2024 16:47

@Fiddlemetimbers
It was a genuine question. I am aware of the cost of living.

MaisieMacabe · 28/08/2024 16:47

As pp have said, at least reduce what he pays you. He's not some random lodger off the street, what a horrible situation.

fuckssaaaaake · 28/08/2024 16:46

Dying to know what @OneSparklyPeachDreamer has been banging on about 😂

crimsonlake · 28/08/2024 16:46

Tbh as has already been said...if you won't cook, buy food or allow your son to store food you need to stop taking £400 off him a month. Poor son.

Fingeronthebutton · 28/08/2024 16:45

Poor little sod 😥
I hope he knows that not all mothers are like you.

dottiedodah · 28/08/2024 16:45

Could he not get one of those small fridges for himself maybe ? Then he can either get some food or you can shop for him . He needs somewhere to keep his food safely!

marshmallowfinder · 28/08/2024 16:45

AdviceNeeded2024 · 28/08/2024 15:52

I was also thinking this. It’s 20 degrees, grey and raining where I am so feels colder. Hardly sweltering!

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It's incredibly humid where I am and I can't cope well either. It's been like this for a few days now. If you're too hot, you're too hot. It's not difficult to understand that everyone feels different.

Borninabarn32 · 28/08/2024 16:44

Either you provide him with the food you charge him for or you stop charging him for it and let him buy his own.

You can't refuse to let him buy his own food, charge him for you to buy his food, then not buy him food.

Wineandwine71 · 28/08/2024 16:43

Op you can't have it all ways. Make room in the fridge for him. Food comes before beer. Take the beer out apart from maybe a couple of cans. As others have said reduce the money he gives you . So he can get his own food bits and cook for himself.

Testina · 28/08/2024 16:40

MotherofGorgons · 28/08/2024 16:39

I still dont understand why OP can't ask the men to remove the beer from the fridge, or at least clear one shelf.

Or better still, not bother to tell them the bleeding obvious solution and leave them to it?