My DP is mad at me for quitting my job because of how it will reflect on him

Oh my god OP, this is awful awful awful

What a total PIG of a man.

And you have CHILDREN together? Has he any bloody IDEA how hard it is to conceive, carry, birth and care for children? Clearly not.

I hope all of the messages here give you confidence to get away from him. This is not love.

Sending you huge hugs, you are a total hero and deserve SO much better xxx

I can't believe he basically forced you into having to do an extra 12 hours on top of full time in the first place after reading your updates. I found this upsetting to read he is not treating you well.

As I said upthread, my DH earns significantly more than me. When it comes to holidays, we have 2 choices:

1. Go on a holiday aligning with my salary, and we pay 50/50.
2. Go on a fancier holiday, but pay in proportion to income. DH always chooses option 2 because he’s really into his holidays. Seems your OH has chosen option 3: Go on holiday by yourself/with the lads. Wow. He’s quite the Family Man, eh?

Aww OP this is sad to read. He treats you with little respect and is happy to watch you struggle financially. He's not a loving partner that's got your back through life's journey. You deserve much better. Dump him and move forward to a new life without him.

What benefits has his salary squeezed you out of? To put it on his eloquent terms, you’re being “penalised” because of his salary.

Sorry to hear this OP. Your mental health is worth more than a job. I think your husband could have been more supportive. I guess he is concerned for his own position and the money, but I think he should back you. Furthermore, from a legal standpoint, I think you now need to protect your own position and by default his. This is possible by speaking to a solicitor. From what you say, two men ganging up on a female co-worker...it stinks of sexism and misogyny. Your company should be worried about this as a liability - hence why they asked you to document. I personally think you should have stayed in employment on stress leave and get paid - you'd have every right too - even if you intend to eventually leave. That ship has sailed now but you should still speak to a solicitor and seek compensation for constructive dismissal related to a sexist misogynistic attack which has caused you emotional trauma and financial losses. You have 3 months from departure i think. Speak to ACAS and a Solicitor. Importantly, if husband then thinks this has impacted him in anyway he should a quickly jump to your defence and say "not having my wife bullied by men at work!". Then, if his position is ever under threat or he's refused promotion / pay rise and he even slightly suspects in any way related to you, he can say he's suffering a detriment because his wife was discriminated against and complained about it. Any settlement that you have received then gets opened back up because you have suffered a further detriment, a further financial loss (e.g. if your husband is fired) because you were discriminated against and you can demand further payout to compensate husband job loss or failure to be promoted etc. I am not a lawyer but know a bit about employment law. Let your solicitor advise you on the merits of your case and handle it all, you don't need to deal with them.

Absolutely you are right to drop the job that is causing you so much stress. Your DP sounds like a total knob.

It's also terrible that you are expected to pay for half of everything especially given you have children together and no doubt this has impacted your career. I don't even understand the splitting of things proportionally as that will still mean that one person gets more spending more than the other which doesn't sound much of a partnership.

My God....

Your other half is appalling! I'm absolutely gobsmacked on your behalf.
You were absolutely right to quit your PT job - if it looks bad on him, sobeit. He should have your back about leaving due to the way you were treated.
Totally unreasonable to expect you to pay 50/50 when you earn different amounts. Somehow this has got to change - not sure if his behaviour is abusive in some form but certainly completely unacceptable. Reflecting I think it is financial abuse as he's deliberately leaving you short.....
Gym is not a luxury, it is vital for your wellbeing.
Please get this situation resolved - if he won't improve his contributions to the family you need to look at leaving him.
Bit tongue in cheek but....Whilst he's away sell the excess vehicles and put the money into an account of your own! From the point of view, you need the money and he doesn't need more than 1 vehicle (unless a van is for work purposes... although even then....)

What a horrible selfish man. You have sacrificed your own career prospects to care for his children and he even expected you to pay half of everything while you were doing it. The obvious answer is to leave him, but I know that's not easy. Do you have the guts to work out what all that childcare would have cost and hand him a bill for his share of that plus compensation for your damaged career prospects?

I could cry reading this. What the hell is actually wrong with men!? And yes I know NAMALT 🙄 but enough of them are like this. For too many of them!

Op YANBU not at all. I really hope you find a way to leave and that it's soon. You deserve much better than to put up with this incredibly selfish individual.

He’s a bad partner, OP. You’re not a team. The fact that he keeps money for himself and insists on a 50/50 split despite you being on your knees shows he sees himself as very separate from you. If he saw you as a team, he would be sharing his money. DH earns more than me and picks up most of the costs. That’s what happens in caring partnerships.

Sadly, that’s not what you’ve got. A dear friend of mine was in your shoes for years, except that she and her ex were married. After about 15 years, she divorced her ex. His meanness (he had lots of spare cash and would frequently go off for days out without her and their shared child) killed my friend’s love for him.

And if he is buying himself additional cars, I’m guessing he has expensive tastes and these 50/50 costs are higher than they would otherwise be. I think that’s a point you’re making about your mortgage.

Please do NOT show this thread to your partner. You need to be able to post here without him seeing and we don’t want other abusive men looking at Mumsnet posts either.

This is really sad to read OP, are you happy? He sounds awful. I’d be making plans to leave him asap.

Of course you’re not unreasonable to quit. But you are to say it maybe your hormones. I abhor it with a vengeance when women do that, it gives us all a bad rep, like we aren’t in control of ourselves and behave irrationally due to our hormones. We don’t. So don’t perpetuate the myth

Wow- your partner is a terrible person. How can you stand to live with him?

I too would be looking to put the house up for sale and split.
You could work one job, and not be exhausted.

Actually, reading through the rest of your posts. Your next conversation should be 'i want a divorce '. He's a abusive knobend who is absolutely not a team.

This! I'm fuming for you as well OP. Glad to hear you're trying to get yourself into a better financial position- hopefully so you can leave him? But in the meantime I thoroughly endorse this suggestion of telling all his friends and family about the way he's treating you financially, to shame him

It’s not often I agree with posters using this word but in this instance it is well deserved!

He's exploiting you. This is not what a relationship should look like. Make plans.

Your husband didn't have your back. I think the next conversation you have should be about that. 2 males were aggressive with you for a prolonged period. What's his thoughts on it?

When he goes abroad you need to tell him you are charging him per hour for your time whilst you stay home looking after his children and are therefore unable to work.

after all time is money

What is it with all the aggressive men at the part time job, including your husband?

He is cruel. It’s as simple as that. My DH earns more and we’ve organised expenditure more or less proportionately and he’s generous. There is no way I would be with a jerk like this.

His behaviour over the incident at work was appalling as well. I’d try to find ways to squirrel money away and get the hell out of this so-called relationship. The resentment I would feel would be overwhelming, quite frankly.

He is a nasty, nasty man.