My DP is mad at me for quitting my job because of how it will reflect on him

Why on earth are you paying 50% of the expenses when he earns a lot more than you?! I completely disagree with that idea! You both bring in what you can, you work FT, surely that’s enough and he accepts that in marriage you are a team!
And that’s unfair that he hasn’t been more supportive over your decision to leave the PT job, I’d have expected him to be supportive of you and to comfort you! Sounds controlling and a bit of a bully!

Oh this sounds awful! I’m sorry this happened to you, but I’m more sorry that you are with this guy. Why are you staying with him? He sounds more like a room mate than a partner

It sounds like you are under a lot of pressure anyway - having a full time job and another part time job.

I think your partner is totally out of order being angry with you. He should be angry with the men who bullied you, and should be supporting you - and he should be paying more for bills if he is earning more. Presumably, he has extra cash to spare, while you have to do another job on top of your full time one. That is disgusting. There are some bloody horrible men out there.

Surely if you earn 70:30, you split the bills 70:30 (or whatever the ratio is)

It's bullying in the workplace and they should have told your manager to speak to you not attacked you. Your partner should have asked if hr had got involved and backed you up not made you feel worse. At the end of the day a large portion of that extra income will be going on tax etc and it's not worth it if it's creating unnecessary stress for you.

why are you paying 50% of the bills when you make less? ¨

this shoudl be based on earnings. If your DP earns 70% of the total family income (based on 2 FT jobs... do NOT count your PT)... he should pay 70% of the expenses.

BC the way it is happening now, he gets more money to spend on himself and you get next to nothing until you are working 150%. Not appropriate.

BTW who does the bulk of the childcare??? Is THAT split evenly 50 50???

Anyone or any situation that makes you feel uncomfortable, because someone or multiple people make you feel uncomfortable is not a situation you need to be in. You did right to jack it in and he should support you.

They’re not married.

I’m guessing he does the bare minimum of child care. Possibly “watching” his children in the evening while she goes to her second job. OK, I worked evenings when my children were young, but I was a SAHM and my earnings gave us the chance of a camping holiday - not a “long weekend abroad” as OPs partner seems to be doing.

But you are being penalised on two fronts...you are working more and earning less and it's not your fault that your wages aren't the same as his.
He sounds like such a cruel man quite happy to see the women he supposedly loves working to the bone and having no respite what a tosser

so are household tasks, childcare and cooking all split 50/50 as well as the finances?

Why are you splitting the bills 50/50? If you want/need to keep separate accounts, then you should be sharing the bills proportionately to your incomes. For example if he earns 300 to your 200, he should be contributing half as much again as you do. As soon as we were married, we opened a joint account and both our salaries went into that, the household bills were paid from it and we both kept separate (small) accounts for personal spending, like buying each other’s birthday presents from. When we had children and I stayed home to look after them, I contributed nothing except my time - my husband’s salary had to cover everything. It was tough for a few years, but once they were both at school, I was able to work part-time and we could take a holiday with my earnings.

This

I think you should quit your partner as well as the job.

Pretty sure OP has posted before and must know she's in a financially abusive relationship. Hopefully she'll find the strength to leave him one day and not raise her children to think this is healthy or normal or how loving partners should treat each other.

This isn't love, it's an arrangement which massively benefits your OH.

You are me 10yrs ago, but I can tell you making the break isn't half as scary as you'd imagine. You have benefits available to help, especially when kids are younger. It's gets so much easier as they grow, not to mention that little more flexibility to look at promotion as you have more time. By the way, benefits and maintenance are taken into account for mortgages, so don't worry.

The best thing I did was to break away...I can tell you, you won't look back! All the best doing what's right for you.

Making you take on a second job just so you get to keep some personal money sounds awfully like coercive control/financial abuse to me.
If he is earning E.g £70,000 and you are only on £30,000, his contribution should be 70% of bills - minimum!
I’m going to guess he doesn’t do more than 50% of childcare in the home, or chores, either?

Absolutely. This is such a terrible way to treat you OP. This is only the setup in financially abusive relationships no one else will be living like this amongst your friends and family and school mums. This isn't ok.

What?? So he earns 'a lot more' than you but still only pays 50% towards your joint life which forces you to work 2 jobs in order to just scrape enough up to pay the same?? And you're in a committed relationship with this selfish prick...including having kids together??

He doesn't want to be penalised for earning more, but is happy to penalise you for earning less. You having to pay 50% during maternity leave and him owning multiple vehicles while you struggle, wow! You can't change him but you can start your exit plan.

OP, you posted two days ago, but I’m still thinking about you, I’m really upset for you and the situation you are in. I hope you are starting to see that the situation you have been put in by your other half is abhorrent. Please speak to your good family and friends, hopefully they can be supportive of you and help you find the best way forward. You have the support of sooooooooo many people here on Mumsnet 💐

Bloody hell, of course it’s not unreasonable to leave a job where you are verbally abused. It’s not unreasonable to jack it in if you just don’t like it. Unless your husband played some role in getting the job for you then I don’t see how it would affect him?

Your family finances, however, are outrageous. You should each be contributing fairly, in this instance, when he earns so much more than you, that isn’t 50/50. It should be in proportion to your income.

If there’s enough money for (another) car, then there’s almost certainly enough family money for you not to have to do a second PT job. You seriously need to consider whether or not to stay with someone who treats you this poorly.

I really feel for you.

It's such a shame he doesn't consider your struggle to keep up with him financially. I couldn't watch my partner go to a 2nd job in the evening, just to make up the money. Especially when you have so much else to do and he earns a good salary. It's not right. You're doing your best.

I've had to come back.

@Sandywoes , you say he is more concerned about how your leaving the PT job would 'reflect on him' than your own well being and mental health. (Not surprising given how he's financially abusing you at home.)

I would bluntly tell him that you're going to tell people at that PT job how finances are split at home and why you're there killing yourself working a second job. I would tell them you're going to make it super clear that he forces you to split everything 50/50, even though he makes way more than you do, and that he even made you burn through your savings after giving birth to HIS children and taking maternity leave to look after HIS children, rather than pay his fair share. Tell him you wonder how that will reflect upon him amongst his co-workers and employer as that news travels through his workplace.

Share it. Widely.

THen leave the arsehole. ANd pursue CMS from Day 1 of the announced separation.