My DP is mad at me for quitting my job because of how it will reflect on him

Ditch him. He's financially abusive.

Dump that wanker. He doesn't have your back in any way at all. He's using you financially; from this he doesn't appear to give a shit about you emotionally. You deserve better than that. Sometimes better is being skint in a rented house and being in charge of your own life. Better does not always mean financially stable and easy (and you don't have the luxury of that anyway,as you live with a financial abuser).

He’s a massive arsehole. LTB.
Hugs to you. That sounds shit

Exactly.

Urgh, he sounds horrible. Paying in proportional to your salaries when you have a family is normal. So you’re having to have a full time job and a part time one to equal out the payments? What a horrible man (yes I’ve said it twice).

1. your ‘partner’ is the one being unreasonable about the job, not you. He should be supporting you.
2. If you don’t share finances you should both be contributing to the household in proportion to your incomes. If he earns a lot more than you, then he should pay in more than you to cover the family expenses, especially when you’re already working full time - you shouldn’t have to take on extra work on top of a ft job whilst he has plenty of money to spare. That is incredibly selfish of him.

He's annoyed you quitting a part time job makes him look bad because he is financially abusing you, you need to leave him and let your full time employers know what's going on.

You work for the public sector, they should have someone you can talk to. Get legal advice from a solicitor. Phone Women's Aid. Make sure you have equal claim on that house.

There's no way he splits 50/50 housework, household admin and looking after your children if he's swanning off again on a lads holiday.

Running yourself into the ground for this man is not good for the children either, they need their mum to be healthy and happy.

Your partner is an abusive dick!

He's happy for you to work yourself into the ground whilst he swans off ! Nope you need to leave - with your FT job plus CMS / benefits you will be so much better off (and not as tired)

Your DP sounds horrendous. You were absolutely not being unreasonable to leave your PT job. However, it is a shame it was you who felt the need to leave and the 2 guys who shouted at you weren't dealt with instead.

Your DP should be more concerned that you received such appalling and scary treatment at work, rather than how it makes him look. Quite frankly, he is doing a pretty good job of making himself look bad.

The issue around the PT job sounds like just the tip of the iceberg to be honest. Is this really the sort of man you want to be with? Someone who doesn't care if 2 men scream at you at work and is only worried about how he looks and how much money he gets to keep! Honestly, he sounds quite abusive (just not the obvious physical type)

You are absolutely an abused woman.
Please call Womens aid for advice.
This is a truly horrible man.
Please help yourself by approaching domestic abuse services.

I am worried you are even questioning your partner's behaviour. It's completely out of order. I am also worried you have a tendency to put up with shit behaviour. Personally I would have quit long time before someone would even try to swear at me. It seems to me you are a people pleaser. Please do consider counselling to get out of this soul destroying behaviour. It would be money well spent, in my opinion. I hope it helps

@Sandywoes Really? You have to pay 50% of all the Bills, even although he earns a lot more than you? You absolutely don't you know. You both should be contributing to the bills on a pro-rata basis. So if he earns twice what you do ( from your full time job) he should be paying into the family bills pot 2/3 of the total and you should be only paying 1/3 of the total needed. That also includes clothes etc and other expenses for the children. That way you should both have some 'spare' cash to spend on things purely for yourselves

If he doesn't see that and instead is being angry you left your PT job he isn't exactly a Prince among men is he? Does he pull his weight with 50% of the housework - like cleaning, cooking, and 50% of the work involved with the children. You need to sit down and discuss this with him calmly. What ages are the kids?

You need to leave, he doesn’t see you as a partner. Life is too short for that and I’m speaking from experience. Thought me ex h was bad but this trumps him

This is such a sad thread to read

What an absolute shit of a man that watches his partner struggle when he has lots of disposable cash. Seriously why are you putting up with this,?! Some partnership.

So who is he paying to do his 50% of the childcare and housework while he is away, if he is so determined that everything should be split 50 50? Or does that only apply when it benefits him?

Maybe he should contribute more as he earns more?

Yet another story where there is a huge financial imbalance, your problem isn't your job it's your partner!

What on earth have i just read ?This is a shocking set up. You pay in PROPORTION to what you earn . And you have children with this man ?

They are not married. No finance to get in the event of a split. Of course, he will have to pay child maintenance, but it probably won’t even cover childcare.

If he won't talk about it then what would happen if you just cut the amount you give to the joint account to the amount you should be paying? What would his reaction be? Is he violent?

I couldn't imagine staying with a DP like this OP. I would be starting to plan to leave, no true partner could see their partner struggle financially and berate them for leaving a 2nd job where coworkers treat them terribly when they're earning so much more money. You deserve better.

He sounds nasty. I couldn't imagine earning more than my partner and making them contribute so much of their income that they have nothing left over for themselves each month. Is there not a world in which you would be better off financially if you separate and claim some kind of income support?

Are you both jointky on the house deeds or renting

i cannot believe he worries about how things look for him but doesn’t about the fact you can’t go on a hen do

i have a school mum friend who will often come out with 10 and not be able to spend more yet we see her partner spends loads on himself and yes we judge him and dislike him for it

OP isn't married.