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Original poster

To think SAHMs need 'me time' too

39 replies

toddlernotime · 28/08/2024 06:13

I won't go into the details of my personal reasons for asking, but generally if a woman is a SAHM Mon-Fri (I will clarify that that means she herself works on a weekend, around the father), is it unreasonable of her to expect equal parental responsibility when both parents aren't working and thus, an equal/near equal share of 'me time'? Or is taking on the role of primary parent seen to be the easy life that should need minimal break from?

OP posts:
Arrivapercy · 28/08/2024 07:00

Depends if kids are in school/other childcare mon-fri

Izzymoon · 28/08/2024 06:53

toddlernotime · 28/08/2024 06:42

DP "doesn't want to be spending his days off just babysitting".

Putting aside how obviously awful of a comment that is, he regards 50/50 parenting on our simultaneous days off as him not getting his deserved 'me time' because he works a stressful full time job (it's actually more like 60/40 at least because I do all evenings/putting to bed as DC is still breastfed).

Wanted to make sure I'd not missed the memo about some assumption that being a SAHM/primary parent was as I put it, "the easy life" undeserving of a break from before I bring this up with him.

Edited
Show quote history

You might have preferred it in an ideal world but the reality is you need to get back to work because you will be a single parent.
This is a man who doesn’t respect you, and if he doesn’t respect you he can’t truly love you.

That seems harsh to read but it’s the truth. Look at your life, he prioritises his own time and rest above yours day in and day out.

A man who says he doesn’t want to spend his weekend babysitting his own kids?? Gross.

Stressedoutforever · 28/08/2024 06:51

In my social group since kids several of us are SAHM or work minimal in my case two days a week term time. We all get me time, we often book things together like spa days or going out but in general get our own time too.

Everyone is entitled to a break!

violetsparkle · 28/08/2024 06:50

If you leave him he'll probably end up with every other weekend contact and at least he'll be directly parenting his own kids then

autienotnaughty · 28/08/2024 06:47

If the kids aren't at school they should both take some me time. We use to each get a lay in at weekends by generally spend rest of the day together.

Now I get some free time in week so dh gets Sunday morning and I'll often take kids out Saturday afternoon.

InWalksBarberalla · 28/08/2024 06:46

Both parents should have equal downtime - so time not at paid work or looking after children.

Original poster
toddlernotime · 28/08/2024 06:42

Izzymoon · 28/08/2024 06:32

is it unreasonable of her to expect equal parental responsibility when both parents aren't working and thus, an equal/near equal share of 'me time'?

Who thinks that’s unreasonable??

DP "doesn't want to be spending his days off just babysitting".

Putting aside how obviously awful of a comment that is, he regards 50/50 parenting on our simultaneous days off as him not getting his deserved 'me time' because he works a stressful full time job (it's actually more like 60/40 at least because I do all evenings/putting to bed as DC is still breastfed).

Wanted to make sure I'd not missed the memo about some assumption that being a SAHM/primary parent was as I put it, "the easy life" undeserving of a break from before I bring this up with him.

OP posts:
MiddleParking · 28/08/2024 06:37

Izzymoon · 28/08/2024 06:32

is it unreasonable of her to expect equal parental responsibility when both parents aren't working and thus, an equal/near equal share of 'me time'?

Who thinks that’s unreasonable??

I bet we can guess!

Babychewtoy · 28/08/2024 06:34

Both parents should have equal leisure time.

Izzymoon · 28/08/2024 06:32

is it unreasonable of her to expect equal parental responsibility when both parents aren't working and thus, an equal/near equal share of 'me time'?

Who thinks that’s unreasonable??

MumChp · 28/08/2024 06:31

I work part time and take most responsibility for our house and childcare Of course I need "me time" as well as my parner working full time. My husband would need another wife if this was strange to him.

Love51 · 28/08/2024 06:30

Ah the age old paradox. Parenting is so easy that when you do it, it doesn't count as work but simultaneously so taxing that I can't possibly be expected to do it on my precious time off from work.
Either it is hard work for you both and you both need a break scheduled into your week and some help from your partner, or it isn't work for anyone in which case it's no trouble for the more employed parent to take the kids.

If you can, come up with a routine that gives you both a break. In the early days we were putting one child to bed each. This meant if the other adult wasn't there it felt like hard work. As soon as we made the whole of bedtime a one person job, taking it roughly in turns, we both got a break (or a clean kitchen but then chilled out after kids bedtime).

CharSiu · 28/08/2024 06:27

She isn’t actually what I would define as a SAHM though is she as she works weekends so she does need some me time. I would say an actual SAHM who has zero paid employment does as well. Obviously anyone who brings in zero cash could be more at risk of having less say dependant on what their partner is like.

TickingAlongNicely · 28/08/2024 06:18

Thats two parents working 7 days... they both need a break!

So yes... she needs a share of ME time

(And a SAHM needs some too... DH used to see Saturday Mornings as his time to have the kids while I did something alone... usually housework but so much easier without toddlers!)

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