To not understand this , dp is leaving me

He sounds petulant and manipulative. Let him go: you will be better off without him.

It's a really stressful time for you both, OP. 4am is not a good time to make big life decisions, for anyone.

Unless there are serious issues in your relationship (e.g. abuse, gaslighting, manipulation or constant shouting and arguing) - remember that you have a newborn and that is one of the most stressful times in any relationship.

If you were happy together before the baby came then you are likely just in a very stressful period which will pass.

Sleep on it and talk when you are both feeling more refreshed.

I try and forget/ ignore stuff said in the middle of the night over crying babies. I told my husband to F- off once when I would never ever talk to him like that normally. He was trying to tell me what it was best to do at maybe 2am after I had been up for a long time with the crying baby. Saying that, talk of leaving is never helpful. You should both apologise (him more) and have a chat about tolerance in these circumstances but also how it's not acceptable to throw around that extreme as an idle threat even when stressed.

Get some sleep. All of you, get some sleep, even if it takes a week or two until you feel like you’ve had proper sleep. Do not make decisions about your future in this kind of state.

This! Instead of automatically showing him the door basically dropping him like a hot potato- you can communicate calmly and ask “where is this coming from?” Try to be understanding and discuss. Maybe he just needs some love and attention too - we are all human no need to be combative. Good luck

I'd ask him today why he feels the need to shout and threaten to leave?

If he's unhappy no he shouldn't stay but is that the case or is he saying it to get you to make him feel better because your scared he's leaving?!

Good for you for sticking up for yourself op!!

Good for you. As if you have time to ‘fight’ for your needy arse of a husband at 4am. Screaming babies are hard enough without having to give attention to screaming men. That said, the early days of a baby are not easy. Hopefully he realised he’s pushed you too far and will step up. At least he won’t throw all his toys out of the pram again.

Agree.
Ill baby, 4am.
Talk about it later, calmly, when more refreshed.

How is his behaviour normally?

If this is a pattern, kick him out

Yes I agree. So glad my husband forgave me for saying stupid stuff when exhausted with a new baby. As I did with him.

Because we are both human and can say and do silly stuff at times!

We have been together 16 years he has seen me in my finest hours but also at my worst and vice versa.

Try not to spend too much time analysing the dynamics of your relationship while you have a newborn. Even rock solid relationships will suffer

Hold on, @justhataye—

Which one is the baby? The one who needs the medicine or the one who’s crying?

It's the middle of the night with a crying baby and 2 tired parents.

Get some kip

While you've not done anything wrong, this PP is spot on. Unlikely that anyone is rational in this situation.

Yes, 4am with a crying distressed baby is stressful BUT his immediate response was to have a pop at you for not moving fast enough and threatened to leave. In my view, you handled it well. As a PP said, never beg, or he will use that against you for the rest of your relationship. Once that doesn't work any more, the next threat is usually, "I will leave and take the kids".

If this is a one off, have a talk when things have calmed down. If it becomes a regular theme, tell him to fuck off and stay there.

Discuss in the morning, but good on you. You tell him we both need to be adults here- ive gone downstairs to get medicine for our sick crying baby and when I come up with it you tell me I took too long and you’re leaving us?? Is that what you want to be the first thing all of our friends think of when they think of you? If you are going to threaten to leave me while we are caring for our sick baby in the middle of the night then I think you should, our baby deserves better than that, as do I.

That's why I chose not to have any - the best decision for myself and my long term marriage.
Otherwise, I'm quite used to getting up around
4 AM 😁😐

I agree with the comments that 4am with a screaming baby is extremely stressful. He’s acted badly but I think it would be better to speak calmly tomorrow, or when baby feels better. Emotions are obviously running very high. But I also would not take kindly to being threatened with him leaving.

Do you have any family / good friend support that you could ask for some help? Xxx

Unless it was an ongoing pattern, I believe sometimes people are absolute dickheads in a stressful moment but that is forgivable and doesn’t mean they need counselling. I know me and my partner have been twats but neither judges the other for it. So long as you can talk about it in the morning and apologise. Life can be very stressful and everyone fucks up. Especially at 4am with an ill baby.

No excuse to act like a petulant child. There's a lot more challenging times to come, is he going to throw a tantrum everytime and threaten to leave?

@justhataye no you haven't done anything wrong, you have your hands full with your baby and shouldn't have to deal with a man child in addition. Maybe he needs counselling or something help him work through whatever is going on with him but he does not get to threaten to leave everytime things get tough and expect you to come crying and begging him.

Good advice!
My friend has a wonderful husband {they have 4 children} but she said the early days nearly broke them.

This 100%.
He's supposed to be an adult, a parent, not a petulant child.

A screaming baby at 4am is no fun for anyone.

Babies place massive strain on many relationships.

Lack of sleep can be brutal.

The sound of a screaming baby is designed to be very disturbing- it is one of the world's ''worst sounds'' .

No one likes being ripped from sleep at 4am by screaming- but that's what life is like when one chooses to have a baby- unless one can afford a night nanny!

👋 I’ve got a one week old and my DP and I are working like a team and it’s been lovely BUT with our first DC now 2.5 there were many moments like this in the early days. Having a baby is overwhelming and stressful and nerves are frayed. Try to have a chat in morning and remind each other what you love about one another 💐

Well done for not taking any bullshit op as your dp’s behaviour was pathetic on many fronts.

He made an already stressful situation worse, and all about him, when he should have been a calm, strong supporter.

But it’s 4 am, you are both tired and the baby is ill.

Hope you can get some sleep now and discuss this all in a calm, more rational manner later on this morning.