To not understand this , dp is leaving me

This.

When ours were little, DH and I had a rule that anything said in stressful middle of the night situations when we were lacking sleep was to be disregarded and forgotten by the morning.

Babies are testing. We used to have a rule that the slate would be wiped clean in the morning for anything arsey we said between midnight and 6am. Sleep deprivation doesn’t tend to bring out the best in people.

Why do some people see infantile behaviour and try and go a peg lower to get attention?

@justhataye FFS you both owe each other an apology.

He was rude and snappy, your response was absolutely awful.

You have a baby, it was 4am and you were both tired. The two of you need to improve your communication.

"why are you waiting till the morning? You have a car outside, go now"

Here is your crown 👑 wear it with pride 😁

You’re both sleep deprived, talk about it when you’ve had some kip.

As others have said, an unwell baby and lack of sleep will be stressful. I had similar arguments in the middle of the night when mine were babies. We are stronger than ever now. Neither of us meant it but we were so tired and stressed. Have a chat once you're both a bit rested. Hope your bubba gets better soon.

Agreed.

You have good boundaries no problem there but honestly babies can test the patience of saints.

My dh and i are incredibly compatible and i think were had approx 8 arguments total in 5 years pre children... we can do that by dinner time some days now (2yr old and newish baby) 🤣

Kids are like a bomb going off - he took a while to get into the groove, everyone was tired and i was resentful because i stupidly assumed we would be different at it would be easy and everything would be 50/50.

My mum told me almost all sensible women think about divorce at least once after a baby...🤣
That doesnt mean tolerating anything, but knowing its a phase helps you be nicer to each other.

Its suchhhh a stressful time but it does pass. We found no 2 way easier but most of the first year with my eldest was hard going.

And +1 to @DogsAtDawns post. As a one off id let it go, but this annoucing he is leaving cant become a regular thing.

Spot on.

I feel sorry for the baby to be honest. I think you both need to sort out how you speak to each other going forwards.

Yeah I get genuine issue do flare up and come out in the moment but it’s a bit suss that when she called him out for how he talks to her was when he chose to say he was sick of the way she spoke to him.

By doing that he deflected from acknowledging he had messed up in this moment in the way he spoke to her.

And if he is implying OP saying “lower your tone” when he’s raised his voice at her , is an example of her speaking to him badly that’s a red flag in itself.

But yes as I said if he does have actual proper examples of Op speaking poorly to him, they do need to have a discussion as to how they both communicate with each other. I appreciate there’s two sides to every story.

They need to have a discussion anyway.

All of this. He sounds like a child, too. Remind him that he isn't.

He is now sobbing asking why I didn't beg for him and treating me as if I caused this whole situation.

Pathetic.

I couldn’t come back from that to be honest. I would have so much contempt after that and I wouldn’t be able to have sex with him even again. Sleep deprivation or no sleep deprivation you reduce yourself terminally if you beg.

when I had came upstairs dp was frustrated as baby wouldn't settle & dp raised his voice at me about how I was taking my time downstairs I replied "I don't know who you're speaking to like that lower your voice towards me" his reply was "I'm fed up of the way you speak to me I'm done with you I'm leaving in the morning" which I replied "why are you waiting till the morning? You have a car outside, go now"

This is two stressed and knackered people, both escalating a pointless row at 4am.

I think you need to assess the relationship more calmly.

Except genuine issues will flair up in the moment. .

Maybe there issues in the way the OP speaks to him.

You have a new very young baby. After 3, I can tell you this can be a very stressful time and I’d highly advise against doing anything to sudden. Just agree to do better after acknowledging how tough it’s been and how mean you’ve both been and perhaps make a joke to break the tension in the future? Very sorry you’re dealing with this. Deep breaths x

dp raised his voice at me about how I was taking my time downstairs I replied "I don't know who you're speaking to like that lower your voice towards me" his reply was "I'm fed up of the way you speak to me I'm done with you I'm leaving in the morning

And this is classic DARVO btw. Things escalated due to how he spoke to you and he turned it around on you when you merely insisted on respect.

Of course if he has genuine concerns with the way you speak to him generally that can be addressed when you’ve both had some sleep, but the way he’s brought it up in that moment where you’ve criticised how he speaks make it look like he’s just trying to reverse things as a deflection tactic.

You didn't do anything wrong.

Your dp behaved like a petulant child, threatening to leave because he had to sit with a screaming baby for two minutes while you fetched water and medicine.

He tried to threaten you, make you feel insecure and guilty, and you called his bluff.

He needs to grow up and accept that now you have a child he needs to act like a mature adult, a parent, instead of having a tantrum. If he goes straight to threatening to leave every time the baby cries, your relationship won't last the year.

Well done for calling him out.

He is now sobbing asking why I didn't beg for him and treating me as if I caused this whole situation.

What’s his mental health and emotional maturity like generally? Is this typical of him or is this just the effects of sleep deprivation?
Seems quite unusual.

I hope he apologises for it all later and you can smooth things out and have a serious discussion which will include both of you agreeing that throwing around the threat of walking out isn’t acceptable.

Especially when it’s evidently just been said in an effort to make the other person beg which is both cruel and childish 😐

I actually think it can be more than this, not seeking validation but manipulation. Hoping that they are threatening something so scary that you'll stop what behaviour you were doing they don't like (in this case standing up for yourself). You shocked him because you've shown him your self respect is worth more than your relationship - and good for you!

If he is not normally like this, I would wait till things have calmed down and point out that a) it's not on to shout at you just because he's tired, and b) it is outrageous that he would use leaving you as a threat in an argument.

I'm pretty sure I've snapped at DH in the middle of the night with a sick baby. I've always apologised later but my goodness, ill children and no sleep can make people say things they don't mean.

You did nothing wrong he sounds a right wet lettuce.

This!

Trust me there will be so many many pressure points raising a child and regardless of whether you do it together or not you need to be non combative.

You did nothing wrong. There are certain people who always threaten to leave (insert person, place, job etc) not because they want to leave but because they want other people to validate them by begging them to stay. It is always a pathetic thing to do.