To not understand this , dp is leaving me

He was massively unreasonable, you acted perfectly reasonably.

However sleep deprivation with a baby does funny things to us all.

I suggest a serious chat when you're both feeling a bit less sleep deprived, would be a good idea. I'd hope he'd apologise for being an idiot.

I think a little consideration is required here. Its obvious that it is a difficult time for you both and whilst I fully understand how hard his comments were to swallow and I would have replied similarly myself, I think it sounds like your partner is not coping with the transition to parenthood too well - its not just women that get PND.

It’s quite common for new parents to face emotional challenges, and it’s great that you’re seeking support for your husband. Encourage him to talk about his feelings and support him, sometimes all attention focuses on the mother and child and they feel left out. Make sure he feels involved in caring for the baby.

It’s important to remember that adjusting to a new baby is a big change for both parents, and it’s okay to seek help when needed.

Very unsympathetic responses here. If it were a mum who threatened to leave and then burst into irrational sobs, we’d all be clucking and sympathising and talking about PND.

Give each other a break, you’re in the trenches right now.

He wanted her to 'beg'. And cried because she hadn't.

OP handled it like a champ. She begs no one and I don't blame her. Neither would I.

An exhausted moment of stress needn't be a dealbreaker. A crying baby and broken sleep puts stress on the best of relationships. But threatening to leave is a low form of emotional blackmail. OP has just taught him that this won't work and absolutely rightly, too.

In a calmer moment I might be inclined to inform him that if he continues playing stupid games then one day he might win the corresponding prize.

Advice echoed.

Lack of sleep does horrible things to people. There's a reason it's a form of torture!

Your partner absolutely cannot do this. Show him this post. However stressful life is, threatening to leave is the most horrible and dangerous thing you can do to a person.
My ex husband often threatened to leave, I really loved him and each time he did this my world fell apart to the point I once made a serious attempt at suicide and almost made it. When I looked at the note I wrote a year later it was all over the place like my head.
The last time he said it I told him to go and never come back and refused to see or speak to him ever again or have him back, got psychiatric help and got on with my life.
Nobody is ever going to put me through that again.
A grown man and father does not threaten to leave. He discusses things calmly. Don't put up with this again.

The first year of my Dc life absolutely battered my otherwise happy marriage. Have a chat about it and move on.

Sounds like the husband has found mumsnet. Lol.

He wanted reassurance that you still care about him. Well done for being truthful and hammering in the message you only needed him as a sperm donor.

Speaking to a partner with contempt and/or derision has been found to be a marker of how badly a relationship is going.
Sounds like you are both doing that under pressure.

Would have a serious talk about it in the morning.

DP and I have a "rule" that you never threaten to leave or tell the other person to leave if they don't like something. Its a hard line.

You don't try to make someone beg you to stay with them. It's a horrible power play.

But it's 2am with a poorly newborn, it's nobody's finest hour. He needs to apologise but relationships aren't always their best at this stage.

Seems to be an overwhelming reality, though, eh?

A good chat will determine whether splitting is something to seriously consider, or whether it was heat of the moment stuff. If it was that, then a discussion on how to handle pressure better in the future, is needed.

What a ludicrous comment.

Well that’s not dysfunctional at all. Nope.

On the face of it, I don’t think either of you are wrong. It sounds to me you’re both exhausted. It’s likely he’s struggling with the lack of sleep and crushing responsibility of having a child. When people threaten to walk away and ask for reassurance, it’s usually because they’re in need of love/a hug.

Do you know why he said he doesn’t like how you speak to him? Have you snapped at him? Or been criticising him? It’s a common response when people are exhausted and need some TLC. And you must be shattered.

It’s common for couples to turn on each other, rather than giving each other the love and care they need. It’s because you both need love and care, so can struggle to give it to each other - as well as a baby.

When one or both of you starts to get like that, try to hug it out, find the humour in your situation and view yourselves as a strong team, who can get through things together. Try to remember what made you so close before you had the baby.

I really recommend you try to have a little break if you can, depending on the baby’s age and what support you have. A nice lunch and walk (rather than dinner when you may be tired), a massage together, a night in a nearby hotel. Even if you take the baby, the change of scene may help. Make it a special time. But try to have a little talk about how you both respond under stress, how that makes the other feel and what you both need to work on.

For example, he shouldn’t threaten to leave you when you’re tired and dealing with a crying baby. That would likely make someone feel vulnerable and rejected at a vulnerable time, and can be controlling and manipulative. Instead, he should say: ‘I’m struggling to cope right now and I need some reassurance - I bet you do too”.

And certainly keep an eye on it and say up-front if you find his behaviour isn’t improving and a pattern is forming. Being emotional, needy and dramatic at times of stress is pretty normal. But if it keeps happening and he won’t work on it, then that’s a problem.

@Parky04 Wow how utterly sexist.

To be fair, I'd have said what you did too!
Only you know here whether he's generally happy/ unhappy in the relationship or whether this was just 4am stress with a screaming, poorly baby.
Just sit and talk it through. Turning it round to him being the victim though is a bit pathetic.

You are absolutely right.
I can't not comment, because you are spot on.
I'm a 45 yo woman, and exactly the same
as these men.
Difference is, I knew since 13 yo and definitely didn't have kids to "please someone".

Youve got an unwell baby, presumably having little sleep and are both tired and cranky. Sit down tomorrow and talk. Bickering because you're both knackered isn't unusual but you both need to be on the same team.

Oh stop with all the psychoanalysis saying men are shit. He said something stupid. I’ve said worse at 4am with a broken leg. And I’m a woman shock horror.

The majority of men do not want children. Men are not cut out to raise a child. Men are selfish and have very little paternal instinct. They agree to have a child to please the woman, and then the woman wonders why men are so shit with the child!

If you agree to have a child, then expect the dad to be crap. Of course, there will be the odd exception before I get the 'it's not all men' bollocks!

The only advice I gave to my son when the first baby was due was not to say anything at all, if possible, during the early hours and to never, ever, ever raise anything contentious or critical. It never goes well. What he said was nasty and he needs to apologise profusely. You bit at what he said and that's understandable too.

I'm sorry to hear your little one is poorly and I hope they're feeling better soon! Dealing with a sick child at 4am is stressful and his behaviour was just selfish and childish. The last thing you needed was another crying baby to deal with, but that's what you got! It also
amazes me how he has managed to make it all about him in the blink of an eye. I hope in the cold light of day he will realise how ridiculous he was being and apologises.

Exactly! All these posts reading so much in to his intention or what reaction he was trying to provoke from you when chances are it was just a high emotion / high stress situation where a silly thing was said.