Is this what all play dates are like????

What???!

Perhaps go and read up on Social Anxiety before posting such a ridiculous comment. 🙄

They are probably being friendly. If you don’t want to spend time with them then don’t - sadly you have to accept that by leaving early you will have to be stern until they understand that you don’t stay long and they will respect that.

People treat you how you let them treat you. I have mum friends who I don’t stay out with for long and I have other mums friends who I am comfortable enough to break a few routine rules for - not many though.

At 2.40, here are shoes and your jacket, do y out have everything

^

2.40pm and we're done?

My kind of play date 😂

Set time limits in your initial arrangements. Also, lunch or dinner time is a natural ending (dinner best) so maybe only do afternoon play dates if you find a lunchtime ending is still over ridden. Be very firm that your little one needs to go home for a nap, giving warnings in advance. Have treats in mind for your DC when they do help to end the play/go home.

I absolutely feel your pain op

After various play dates at our house where people have failed to get the message that they need to leave, I now only do meet ups outside of the house. Usually a park, and I say when we will arrive and leave.

I cannot stand people who are late or change the goal posts. Or who try and extend the playdate by saying 'oh, come round to ours' after I've spent the last five hours talking to you. No. No, I've seen enough of you!

Four kids and socially anxious?
How did they all come about then!?!?
Are you really 😉

I do short play dates with start and finish times. Definitely 2 hours max if kids are young and there’s parent socialising as well. 3 - 4 hours for older kids if it’s a drop and go.

These days I think it's becoming way more normal to just be honest with people about your social battery needing a recharge

How on earth do you manage play dates outside the home with four children??? Of course they’ve all got different routines and needs, and there’s only one of you!

People I know with more than two children always host. It’s easier to put the little ones down for a nap, get snacks, distract with toys etc. But you have to be firm: oh hi, welcome, lovely to see you thanks for coming over. Sadie thought Bella might like to play with her Barbie dollhouse, do you want to go upstairs? Just to let you know I’m going to need the house to myself again by 3pm, little one needs x and second one needs y outdoors so if we can wrap up by 2.45 that would be perfect. Would you like a cup of tea? Tell me all about your holiday!

At 2.15, warm the kids they have half an hour left.

At 2.30, start tidying up.

At 2.40, here are shoes and your jacket, do y out have everything? Have fun at granny’s tomorrow, and see you on Monday! Bye!!

Which age children are you talking about? How you handle playdates at 2 and 11 are very different. The changing plans and being flexible wouldn't be an issue in my friendship group, we are quite laid back. I've lived in various parts of the country, with different friend groups and it's been the same in all. I'm sorry but it sounds fairly normal to me. For the sake of your kids have you explored why you find this so tricky?

Apart from with a few very close friends where we do all day things, playdates are 2-3hrs max.

I always make my availability very clear though when booking it in eg “we’re free 10-1 on Saturday”. Then I leave at 1.

Can your car park not be running out?
Could your child not have a scheduled appointment straight after (that they are keen to attend so lead with leaving)?

Maybe set a phone alarm for 15 mins before you want to leave, and when it goes off you've got the excuse to take it out of your pocket and make a joke about herding up your kids because you need to leave, for xyz reason. Looks like it was planned you had to be somewhere that way. Alternatively, you could have a parent phone you and then say you have to head off, but that's a bit more annoying on their part.

I'd set your boundaries at the very beginning of the play date.
Locally our soft plays have a time limit of 2 hours so for example, you could say 'I'll meet you at 1pm at soft play but I have to leave at 3 as meeting some family. See you later' or you could do the cinema or something else that has a clearly set time.
If they then try to persuade you to do something else after it finishes, just a simple but firm 'I can't, as I've said I'm seeing family' will be enough.

I'm long past the playdate stage thank God, but I don't remember it being like this. But I don't think I am fun enough for people to want to spend that length of time with me to be honest!

Also I suppose I would just be quite firm and insist on going home when I wanted to - this is probably what you need to work on doing OP - I appreciate it may feel hard for you though. Maybe rehearse in your head a few times what you are going to say. Have a time you need to depart from the playdate and, if you like, a reason (can be invented). Need to take a call, someone coming over, whatever. Mention it in your initial texts to arrange the playdate, and again if there are last minute texts to confirm. Mention it when you meet up, and again about an hour before the playdate ends. And then say it as you leave.

None of this should be necessary - nobody should be pressuring you to stay - but it sounds like the people you are meeting aren't great at respecting your time, but if you do it like this it's crystal clear!

Good luck!

I just thought actually - if you have a partner could you ask them to handle the playdate side of things. And you could take on one of the chores/tasks they do instead, to make it fair? Just another possible way around it.

I’ve never done a 8 hour play date and nor would I

I can only assume you are amazing company 😂😂