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Original poster

To be jealous of second pregnancies

89 replies

ThisPeachSnake · 27/08/2024 21:02

It isn't a good look to be jealous, I know, but I just don't understand how people afford two children under school age!
It's the childcare costs for us, already pay £1400 full time, and that's with the 15 hours! (We were paying £1800 before).
How do people afford to pay that, twice? I really do want another child, but feel old for such an age gap to wait until my first is in school.
When I see mums at the nursery who are expecting their second, it upsets me no end.

I am on a decent wage, and so is my partner (around 5k combined pcm).

I just don't get it!!! Probably sounding like a spoilt child but upsetting so needed to get it out!

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisPeachSnake · 27/08/2024 21:19

AegonT · 27/08/2024 21:17

We needed to wait till the 30 hours at three years then waited a bit longer for various reasons. A bigger age gap has its benefits too. When your oldest is at school and the people you are jealous of now have two school kids you'll be doing pick-up with a bump or baby and they might be jealous then! It was lovely having the school day to go to baby massage and cafés without a toddler.

Lovely way to look at it! Thanks!
I keep reminding myself that 32 isn't old... lol! I have real anxieties around fertility though so it's a lot!

OP posts:
Jojobees · 27/08/2024 21:19

I was jealous but for very different reasons. I had infertility that meant a second child was not possible…. until I fell pregnant with a 9 year age gap.

Mandylovescandy · 27/08/2024 21:18

Due to age didn't really have much of a choice and were paying to go to work for a while (DP changed career and started on a really low salary) but luckily had just enough savings to get by

Original poster
ThisPeachSnake · 27/08/2024 21:18

pearvines · 27/08/2024 21:16

How much is your rent/mortgage OP? £1400 does feel very high for 15 free hours, when do 30 kick in for you?

Our rent is 1500 (London, I know we need to move but honestly it's overwhelming!)

For some reason, 30 hours for a 3 year old at this nursery is still 1427. Which makes no sense to me at all!!

OP posts:
Maria1979 · 27/08/2024 21:18

Sahm so no childcare fees.

AegonT · 27/08/2024 21:17

We needed to wait till the 30 hours at three years then waited a bit longer for various reasons. A bigger age gap has its benefits too. When your oldest is at school and the people you are jealous of now have two school kids you'll be doing pick-up with a bump or baby and they might be jealous then! It was lovely having the school day to go to baby massage and cafés without a toddler.

Original poster
ThisPeachSnake · 27/08/2024 21:17

PelicanPopcorn · 27/08/2024 21:11

Live somewhere a lot smaller than we'd like - could you move somewhere cheaper? My thinking was that can always earn more/get a bigger place later, but have a small window to have a second baby.
The other thing to think about is that by the time you have a second one you'll be on the 30hrs free. Childminders can be cheaper than nurseries too or even getting a nanny (!).
Sending sympathy feel like cost of living having such an impact. It's such an unfair situation

Definitely thinking of moving but buying a house with childcare costs factored into a mortgage is a separate rage in itself!

Feel stupid I did things the wrong way round and didn't buy a house before kid(s).

OP posts:
Arrivapercy · 27/08/2024 21:16

5k combined per month isn't a huge income if that is before tax - it depends where you live.

If you were paying £1,800 pcm for one child in nursery from your post tax salary you can probably afford to largely stop work for the worst 2-3 years rather than pay the childcare for two. Have you considered working some different part time hours or swapping to do a bit of weekend work in a shop or cafe when your DH can be home, to make ends meet?

pearvines · 27/08/2024 21:16

How much is your rent/mortgage OP? £1400 does feel very high for 15 free hours, when do 30 kick in for you?

Saschka · 27/08/2024 21:15

If you had another one, your first would be at home with you while you were on maternity leave (so no childcare costs then). Then maybe one year of two nursery fees before your oldest starts school, during which time your oldest will get the 30 free hours.

PelicanPopcorn · 27/08/2024 21:11

Live somewhere a lot smaller than we'd like - could you move somewhere cheaper? My thinking was that can always earn more/get a bigger place later, but have a small window to have a second baby.
The other thing to think about is that by the time you have a second one you'll be on the 30hrs free. Childminders can be cheaper than nurseries too or even getting a nanny (!).
Sending sympathy feel like cost of living having such an impact. It's such an unfair situation

x2boys · 27/08/2024 21:10

When mine were little we both worked shifts around each other so didn't pay for child care don't assume everyone is well off ,it was exhausting though.

bakewellbride · 27/08/2024 21:08

I have 2 children and I'm a sahm but dh doesn't earn as much as you so our lives are completely different to yours. If you want 2 you make it work. My friend has less money than us and is pregnant with her 4th

RedRobyn2021 · 27/08/2024 21:05

Wow where do you live that you can be earning that but it's not enough?

I'm pregnant with my second, my daughter is 3 so we have some "free" hours maybe that's how others manage

I often wonder how my peers are living in bigger houses and driving much nicer cars than me yet also have young children. I can only conclude that somehow they just have more money 🤷🏻‍♀️

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