To be jealous of second pregnancies

I love having a 5 year gap between my two. Mat leave 2nd time meant I could give baby 2 all my attention as the eldest was at school.

your assuming we all put our kids in childcare settings or nursery from a very young age

plenty are at home with SAHMS or alternative lifestyle settings

billions don't even go to nursery or school let alone paid childcare

I'm part of the attachment parenting/home education lifestyle
its called radical unschooling
there are millions of us that live this lifestyle

my 19 and 13 y old has never been anywhere but at home

i know some one with 6 under 4 and pregnant again, she has 11 in total(lots of multiples) but kids have never been anywhere but home

We did not do this. Child 1 still went to nursery 3 days a week. It would have been incredibly miserable for everyone if he didn’t! He loves nursery and has friends.

He was eligible for 30 hours funded from part way through my leave, then it cost about 250 instead of 500 a month, well worth it.

Are you claiming the tax free childcare? That helped us massively!

You live in London... Say no more.

Also, I'm outskirts of London but have a childminder and do average 700 a month for 3 days a week with NO free hours.

I am in a very similar position; I also have the added complication of not being able to pause work for a few years due to the professional register! It sucks. I’m 31, will be waiting 3 years until DD is 4 to start to TTC number 2. It took 13 months to conceive DD so I’m not sure how it will go. I’m so jealous of all the other pregnant people. But I keep telling myself these years are for DD to focus on her fully and let her enjoy being our only child (I hated having siblings close in age).
there is a group of 6 of us from my antenatal - only 1 is TTC no 2 - she was made redundant in pregnancy so I think she’s getting it out the way before finding a new job. Everyone else is having a large gap or one and done due to costs so I think it’s more common than is talked about.

Tax free childcare helps a bit, and my mortgage is a 1/3 of your rent as we left London and moved to Scotland!

You could have one the year before your youngest goes to school and only send them for the free hours as you'd be home?

Having children is so expensive.

Our rent is 1500 (London, I know we need to move but honestly it's overwhelming!) For some reason, 30 hours for a 3 year old at this nursery is still 1427. Which makes no sense to me at all!!

Ah crikey OP that is really tough, I know it'll feel like everyone is having 2nd kids but I'm sure there will lots of others in the SE in a similar circumstance. You could potentially look at getting pregnant when eldest is just over 3, 4 year gap and then they start school as you go back to work and youngest starts nursery? A 4 year gap really isn't so large, mine is only slightly under that and I have quite a few friends with a 4 year gap. But not sure if you're in commiserating or solution mode, but yes that absolutely sucks, you have a good wage, it seems ridiculous that you are priced out of 2 pre schoolers, SE prices are insane.

Ps I too now remember the 30 free hours not making anywhere near the saving we thought it would, it was devastating at the time. We were one of the first cohorts and we just assumed 30 free hours would be 30 free hours, but of course it's not as simple as that.

Stretched over 51 weeks. I'm a civil servant so couldn't do term time only at the minute.

I hear you OP!

A full time place is £2000+ now locally.

Two will cost me £4,000 a month with only the 15 free hours at 3.

One of my friend is currently paying £4,600 a month for two - no tax free childcare or free hours.

Birth rate in London has dropped by 20% in 5 years. I can’t possibly imagine why…

That sounds good! Its great they could be so flexible. I asked about this as well but they couldn't guarantee me a FT place when I go back to work in Jan, which would leave me 8months to cover until DD1 starts school in Sept 25. I think the 30hrs saving is helping to cushion the blow that it still feels cheaper at least!

@Sunnyshoeshine I also kept my kids in nursery due to waiting lists (and for my sanity) but reduced the days they went in and went term time only to reduce costs massively. Then when I went back to work I upped the days again, but for me term time only made sense so stuck with that.

We left London & moved to Scotland before having our second. Live in a rural village about 35 mins from the nearest city, and 3 days a week nursery for DC2 costs £470 a month. We also bought a small house which was well below our affordability so now we have scope to save up for a “proper” family house, and possibly go for baby number 3. I know leaving London isn’t an option for everyone, and we got really lucky with jobs, but there’s no chance we could have afforded our current life if we hadn’t, so for me it was worth making the leap.

If your eldest is already 3, then 9 months pregnancy plus 9-12 months mat leave means that you won't need 2 in full time nursery even if you started trying now and fell pregnant on your first try.

You only need an age gap of around 3 years ish (depending on exact birthdays and mat leave length) to avoid double nursery fees, which is a fairly standard and gap, no?

I had my first at 30 and second at 35, due to birth trauma after my first. The age gap is really great. First was at school when second arrived and it was like having a second mat leave.

I empathise with you as now my husband is done but I want another baby and I am jealous of those with 3!

We are in London with two kids. Our bill for FT for the eldest after 30hrs funding is applied is £800 so I'd def query your bill or look at whether you have any nearby alternatives as that sounds very high. Our bill was £1700 before the 30hrs kicked in.

@Saschka most of my friends are having to keep the eldest in nursery during mat leave for the second child because waiting lists in London are so long that if you withdrew them, you wouldn't get your place back once mat leave ended. It's really frustrating.

I've got 3 under 4, and live in London. First, you won't need nursery when on mat leave. Second, if you get pregnant today, then by the time the baby is born they will be eligible for 30 hours (as will your older one, if not already in school), by the time you return from mat leave. Thirdly, you can use a babysitter which is much cheaper with three. Mine are three days a week at nursery, term time only, so I don't pay masses for child care to nursery because of the subsidy. I then pay for a babysitter via an agency on two days a week, plus more days outside of term time (I'm not a teacher, but get very generous annual leave). For me, having kids close together was easier in every sense, and the nursery costs are short term. It's minor in the scheme of things, but most nurseries, and other child care settings afterwards, give siblings discounts too.
Go get pregnant!

I think you’re probably just more responsible than many parents who likely just get pregnant without thinking about whether they can actually afford it. Whenever you ask in the ‘larger families’ thread how they’re affording to have 5+ children they’ll largely ignore the question or admit that they’re not working. There appears to be this entitlement that one should be able to have as many kids as they like and affordability shouldn’t be a factor. Then complain when the state doesn’t step up to cover all the costs. I think you’re quite right to think about whether you can provide for your kids before having them.

I know lots who space out their kids to ensure only oke set of nursery fees at a time although realistically wrap around care and summer holiday clubs for 2 are also a killer so it’s not like the childcare costs stop when they start school.

We waited for a bit, then had some losses. Anyway, we have just under a 5 year age gap between our two and it is actually really lovely. Also, a bit older having kids (34, and 39). Childcare costs are more manageable.

Bigger age gap. We have only had to pay for two months of both lots of nursery fees, I reduced down the number of days at nursery for DS whilst on mat leave. But it means we are stuck now doing holidays during peak season