To be jealous of second pregnancies

We waited until DS would be starting school. As he’s an August baby and I could pull him out of full time nursery in March time we had DD in the March before he started school. Then when I went back to work with DD I only had one set of fee’s. I’d have rather a shorter gap though, 4 school years is quite a lot, and I wish we had sucked the cost up for a year but we didn’t. It’s not a big issue and does mean only 1 at Uni at once (as that part is costly too)

Surely you aren’t paying £1400 after the tax free childcare?

I had this view when I had just had my first and started paying for nursery but my husband’s salary gradually went up and nursery would go down in cost when she turned 3 so I got pregnant when first was around 20 months.

Aw, bet they’d be gutted!

You have to make sacrifices. Move cheaper use childminders not nurseries. Give up the luxuries - no foreign holidays ten year old car.

That’s a weird reaction! Why which a visceral response to someone with a double buggy? Siblings of any age gap can have an awful relationship and wind each other up!

Do you have a spare room? In that case having an aupair is a good idea. Cheap childcare in exchange for room and board and pocket money. And before anyone lashes out I used to be one myself a looong time ago and it was a great gap year experience. I loved the children and I got immersed in another culture. Win win for everyone.

SAHP, part time work, get pregnant with around 9 months to go before oldest still has a year left in nursery. When maternity finishes they'll be in school when baby needs paid childcare. Grandparent support.

I had a 4 year age gap for this exact reason. I was 32 when #1 was born and 36 when #2 arrived. I don't feel old at all and love having a 4 year gap. It works so well for our family.

We waited until the year before DC1 was school age, so we never have two at nursery at the same time. It's a good age gap. Also 32 isn't too old, I was older then that when I had my DC2.

Urgh. I have the complete opposite reaction and would cross the road to avoid a pregnant school mum or anyone humping a double buggy. If you’re desperate to do it, leave a larger age gap, siblings close in age irritate each other.

I feel your pain OP, I’m also desperate for number 2 but struggling to conceive. Our 15 hours have just kicked in this month and it feels a lot easier. Finally! We left London a few years ago in preparation for having kids and love our new life. We’re still commutable but nursery and housing costs are much more reasonable than my friends still there. If you’re tempted it can be a game changer. Good luck on your journey whatever you decide

We had two under school age (3 year gap exactly) and honestly we just coped. I don’t think we gave it much thought? My husband was actually made redundant early on in my second pregnancy, and I quit my job after my second mat leave (we were NOT high earners - bringing home roughly what you are now probably less). We were also pretty young (30 - second child). I don’t remember money really factoring in our decision to have a second if I’m completely honest; maybe that was the naïveté of youth but we were fine. Times were tough for a number of years but they’re 11 & 8 now and it’s all good - my career is back on track and my husband is doing well. I don’t want to encourage recklessness but no time is perfect!! The only difference for us was our mortgage at that point was small (£700 - we bought at a good time just after the crash) and we did have GP help with childcare (but still nursery fees etc)

Yep but OP says she can’t afford two sets of nursery fees! Obviously if she could, this wouldn’t be an issue.

I don't know why anyone would keep an energetic toddler or preschooler at home the whole time with a newborn baby if there was an alternative. Mine would have been climbing the walls while watching hours of TV!

I do think buying a house first is critical. Your combined income is higher than ours, but not by much. We have 4DC but our mortgage is £800pcm, so much smaller than rent would be. We couldn't afford rent and childcare for several children. I am also part time (so less on chikdcare) and my parents do 1 day a week for the baby. If you're renting, work full time and have no family help, then I can see it would be very tough

@Arrivapercy it is good for the eldest to have consistency and time away from the baby. It is also nice to have time one on one with the baby. Plus you are working on the basis there will be space for the eldest when it is time for the baby to start 😅🫠

Childcare costs is a big reason why we decided I would be a SAHM until the children are in school. We can get by on DH’s salary, and multiple lots of childcare costs would cost more than I would make working full time. It just wouldn’t be worth it. I know being a SAHM isn’t an option for everyone, but I wouldn’t be able to afford to have more than one child if I wasn’t.

At 32 and living in London, don't you get told how young you are to be having kids 😂? Practically a teen mum (not that there's anything wrong with that).

We didn't intend it but there's a lot to be said for a 4-5 year age gap. Get the older one out of nursery and into school (and cheaper wraparound care) before the baby arrives.

If waiting lists are long, give notice towards end of pregnancy of eldest leaving nursery and add both eldest & baby on waiting lists together.

Everyone keeping 2 & 3 year olds in nursery during mat leave compounds the shortage of places. We all need to stop doing it, its madness.

I think it’s where you live… We live in the north and have great family support. We did live in London but wouldn’t have been able to afford to have even one and would never have got on the property ladder either.

DS is starting a term time nursery for 20 hours at 2 (15 hours fully funded so we pay for 5). Baby no.2 due in a few months so the rest of the time he’ll be with me. I may also drop his hours to 15 when I do go on mat leave.

Both will get 30 hours funding when I return from mat leave. As DS is in a school nursery his will go quite far and we’ll probably top it up to do 8 - 3.30 5 days a week. We’d only pay for 5 hours and should be able to adjust our work hours to do pick ups.

Baby’s funding will be used to do 25 hours a week (1 full and 3 half days) all year round at a private nursery. The estimated cost is currently £220 per month with funding spread across the holidays. Grandparents will have them around nursery so we can both work full time.

Both nurseries are rated outstanding so it’s not just a case we’ve found the cheapest. Being in London is probably your biggest issue.

We couldn't afford two sets of fees, and neither of us want to be a stay at home parent. We have a five year gap between our two, and for us that has worked perfectly. Eldest started school before baby arrived, so had time to settle in. I have time with just the baby during school days. I had my first at 34 and my second at 39.
At the time i wanted the second kid sooner, but now i wouldn't have it any other way. Eldest child is old enough to be helpful and to not need me as intensively as they did as a toddler.

This is what we’re doing. I’m doing nights and Sundays vrs oh’s days and Saturdays. Only due to the col mind, we managed perfectly fine on one wage until a couple of years ago. Other people I know have got extremely lucky with grandparents providing full childcare