To be jealous of second pregnancies

Lots of people have no choice but to manage. Sounds like you hsve plenty of money to me. If you can't afford nursery fees can't you ba a sahm and go back work when they in school

I don’t think it’s any different to most people you either:

• Earn enough to afford two in nursery so do that
• Become a SAHP for a few years
• Have a larger age gap to save up/reduce childcare costs etc

You should explore condensed hours if your and your husband's employer would allow it. 100% over 4 days is tough, but they are other options when combined with part time.
I do 90% FTE over 4 days, it's just an hour more on each working day so quite manageable. It helped cutting down the nursery fees and I get to spend more time with the children.

We waited so that by the time DS was born DD was 4 and would start school before I finished maternity leave. We couldn't afford 2 in childcare at once (and DS is going to a cheaper childminder compared to DDs expebsive nursery)

I'm pregnant with my second and my 2yo just became eligible for the 15h funding from this month, it shaved about £350 off our monthly bill. He goes 4 days a week.

When the second is born I plan to keep him in at 4 days for at least a couple of months, then when I feel settled with baby 2 I might take him down to 3 days to save a bit of money. He adores nursery and is doing so well there, I absolutely would not take him fully out unless we were on death's doorstep with being able to afford it.

By the time number 2 goes to nursery, DS should be eligible for 30 hours, and I guess we don't know yet whether the 30h for 9month olds is going to be stuck to by Labour? But if it does, we'll have 2 children on 4 days a week with 30h funding each, so I'm hoping we'll be ok. I only get SMP through my mat leave and have struggled to save up during this pregnancy due to existing nursery fees, hopefully can put a bit more away now we are getting funded hours so the first part of mat leave isn't so tight.

I'm just about to turn 35 so you've actually got lots of time if you wanted a 3-4 year gap anyway!

We had two 18 months apart and honestly the only "secret" is that we (mainly I) earn more. It's been a real stretch and we've used up our savings to pay for the nursery fees.
We are only starting to breathe a bit now that our youngest is getting the 15h hours.

We knew it was going to be tight when we decided to go for a second, but inflation has made it way worse than we had planned. Nursery fees on their own increased by almost 15% in that time (x2!).

The good news for you @ThisPeachSnake is that I had my first at 35 and the second at 37, so on my standards you have loads of time!

Your bill seems incredibly high, are there no alternatives you could look at like a childminder, or you and your partner both doing compressed hours to free up 1/2 days a week? Most people I know waited til the 30 hours of funding kicked in before having a second. And remember - it's second child, not second pregnancy. I'm on my second pregnancy now, but it will be my first child.

My gap is four and a half years. It wasn't completely intentional (miscarriage, clinics closing for COVID, saving for IVF) but it is quite nice. If you have to have a bigger gap than you would like it is not that bad. It is actually getting more common now.

You will not need the nursery fees cost when you're on mat leave so time it so you give birth 12 months before eldest starts reception.

For some that can mean getting pregnant when eldest is 2y3m.

Honestly planning around the 30 hours or starting school is really not that big of a gap. Starting school at 4, work back a years maternity and then you can take oldest out of you can’t afford private nursery, work back 9 months, it’s trying for the second when youngest is around 2/2.5. It’s really not that far off.

In the south east of England, if you have 2 in nursery, you have either got family help in some sort of way or are far richer (2 in nursery could be 4k in some areas)

The other option which is our option is one person stays at home.

We earn similar to you and had our second when DD1 was 3.5. It meant that we could take her out of private nursery while I was on maternity leave and she just went to playgroup for her free childcare hours, then she started reception so when I went back to work we were just paying for the baby in childcare so the same costs as before.
We were also very lucky to have help from my parents who did one day a week childcare for free.
It was quite a big age gap but worked well for us and had lots of advantages.

We also live in a cheaper part of the UK so childcare was cheaper too I guess.
Where do you live? Is moving an option?
Or one or both of you reducing or compressing hours so you can drop a day of childcare?

It is expensive but I think people manage because it's just for a shot time. We just had UK caravan holidays those years for example , and not many meals out or takeaways. Bought lots of clothes on ebay for the DC.

Second babies are cheaper too because you have most of the baby stuff you need.

I had my first at 31 and just had my 2nd at 36, you are deffo not too old.

We wouldn't have been able to afford 2 in nursery when my eldest was younger and even before that we decided I wanted to wait until my eldest was at school so I had lots of time to spent with just the baby...as well as nursery costs!

Seems a bit OTT unless you are struggling with infertility?

Too old?! Don't be ridiculous.

To answer your question. I also live in London. I waited until I was in my mid thirties to try for my first and my forties for my second. We couldn't afford to have kids sooner, or closer in age. I don't understand the obsession with wanting two kids close together

You’ve done nothing wrong. Everybody has their own set up which enables this or restricts this. I was jealous of second pregnancies for a different reason - I couldn’t maintain a pregnancy and had secondary infertility. So even though we had the means for me to stay at home and raise kids, I couldn’t have the next child 🤦🏻‍♀️

Yeah it's really hard to move once you've got children in childcare - I'm in the same boat OP.

However at nursery I imagine lots of the parents don't use it full time so their bill is not as big? My child is only in nursery 2 days a week, grandparents help and I condensed hours to have a day with her. So some of your fellow nursery parents might be similar.

We had DTs, so I became a sahm until they turned 3 and a bit. My friends have spaced the babies so mum is off on mat leave for the year(ish) before school starts which made it a lot easier financially I think.

Tax free childcare is only ~£170 a month.

I was 37 when I had my first so I have to get a move on if I wanted a second! My two kids are 2 years and 4 months apart. My second may leave wasn’t too bad as I had no nursery fees to pay. The rest was financially crippling. We now have no savings and a 15 years old car. DC2 goes to school in Sept.

Our age gap is 3 years, and when they were little we had 1 year where things were tight, and basically I worked to pay for childcare fees. However, every year it’s felt a little easier, eg moving from nursery to childminder when they went to school, pay rises and promotions.
It gets easier!!
Also, many of us are a bit rubbish with money when we have it. When things are tighter, we make it work.
x

Why on earth is it madness for a child to keep their place because there’s a new baby?
It doesn’t add to the shortage of places at all, since they would still need their place back however many months later.
I’m not going to withdraw my 3 year old, have her resettle at home for a few months just to then have to settle her back into nursery again so I can go back to work. It’s way more disruptive for my child and I’m not going to prioritise someone taking her nursery place over her 🤯

Maybe you should have posted how to live in London. You can afford a 2nd child. But you cannot afford it in London.

To answer your question - living in the North - it's not just living which is cheaper but childcare too and help with childcare through UC.

You would cross the road to avoid someone
because they were pregnant…?