Does my DH want me to look ugly

those that say their partners “don’t care whatsoever” about the way they look…well, they do. Everyone cares what their partner looks, it’s only natural!

You and your DH are happy , your friend has made you question that. The friend is the problem. She is stuck in ‘women Need long hair to be attractive’ mode. Ignore.

I don't think anyone here can answer this, since we don't know the people involved.

It might be that you have a husband who genuinely doesn't care about appearance at all (although I would think this is very rare. Ime it's possible to totally love someone but still be more or less attracted according to appearance. I hate beards for example - it doesn't affect live though).

Maybe you look stunning with your hairstyle and no make up and your dh genuinely loves this look.

Maybe your friend has picked up a vibe from your dh that doesn't feel comfortable to her and she's trying to draw your attention to it.

None of us can say.

I think I'd start to take a bit more not of what my husband does seem to find attractive in other women. I'd be a bit at my husband not liking me to take too long to get ready.

Personally I like it when a man doesn't show too much interest in the details of how I look - I think there's something 'off' when a partner has strong preferences for a certain hair style or colour or clothing style - women are people not accessories!

This actually gave me flashbacks to my childhood where my mum was constantly on about keeping hair out of the way. As a result I had a hideous fringe (I can't bear them now). Her approach was purely practical and it kind of messes with your head a bit - like if you want to wear something or look a certain way it's considered vain.

Anyway, op, it depends how your husband shares his view and whether you ask him for his opinion and how he gives it. He may not really care either way/doesn't even really notice. Or he may be shaping your decisions in more ways than you've considered. Perhaps stand back and look at what he says and how he says them.

I think it sounds like your husband loves you for being you, not because of your hairstyle or whether you wear makeup or not. Which is lovely! Is she a bit jealous of this? My DH couldn't care less what I wear, how much I weigh or if I wear makeup. I rarely do and my hair is always in a ponytail because I can't be bothered with blowdrying!

My ex wanted me to be unattractive as part of his abusive manipulating ways. It started with 'you don't need makeup' 'why are you wearing makeup' 'well who are you trying to impress' 'I don't like you wearing make up' until I never wore it and felt shit about myself so unless dh literally tells you he doesn't like your hair/makeup/body and tells you what you can and cannot wear it is definitely a friend problem

Side note, and possibly irrational, but I find it such an ick when men 'prefer' long hair. Who asked you dumbass. Big babies. We do our hair for ourselves and other women, as it should be.

It's impossible for us to know... only you can get a sense for the intentions of your friend and DH.

Some men DO actively want their partner to be what they deem as less attractive. They encourage them to put on weight or change their habits in regards to clothes and makeup.

This is an abusive control tactic to beat the woman's self esteem down so she doesn't have the confidence to leave or call out bad behaviour.

Alternatively, some men absolutely adore short hair, no makeup, no shaving, and whatever else you can think of.

The beauty of humans is that we are unique and colourful and we all find different things hot.

If you think your DH has good intentions then I would relax and not give your friend's comment a second thought.

I will add though that sometimes our friends can see something from the outside looking in, that we have become blind to.
I've experienced this and didn't listen to her, but it turned out she was right and I realised years later.

@BestLeftAnonymous

what would you say/do if your husband said he wanted you to stop wearing makeup full stop OP?

Post a pic OP

I wonder if your look is extreme and your pal is giving you a gentle nudge that you look oddly frumpy

Just because someone says something does not make it true, you are an adult so to be really blunt think like one

My husband loves my short hair. In fact he runs the clippers over it when it needs doing.

He's always preferred my hair short because genuinely it suits me really well and he knows it makes me happy. However he never said he didn't like my hair when I grew it out because it's my hair after all.

My daughters are unusual I think in their age group for having relatively short hair. They have what suits them and what makes them happy.

You sound a lot like me. My late DH adored me for the life we led together, ready for anything, having fun and being active, without worrying about ruining my hair or if my shoes were inappropriate.

I bet you have a great marriage with a DH who loves you for you and your friend is a tiny bit jealous.

@BestLeftAnonymous

i thought this too. In the way of what, OP?

No way of knowing without more info.

A very good friend reluctantly sharing her observations, maybe she has a point?
A friend who has always been a bit jealous/rude/unkind/insecure, maybe not.

I have a friend whose partner tells her he doesn't care about her appearance but has recently slipped up in saying that he wants her to be looked at less by other men. I've suspected this for a while, would I ever tell her, no? Not enough evidence and gut feeling.

I've got another friend whose ex used to covertly put her down frequently and try control her clothing to be sexier. She's typically glamorous/pretty anyway but he made her feel dowdy and ugly.

These behaviours from men aren't that uncommon. Only you know.

Voting was unclear, but this.

My dad always thought short hair looked nicer than long on both sexes, loved it that my mum liked having short hair, and often tried to convince me to have mine short too. It's just a matter of personal taste. I'd be concerned if he was trying to make you have short hair against your will, but if you like it and he likes it, be happy - it's none of anyone else's business.

I also have a dp who likes short hair and no make up, unless he's been lying to me for 20 years 😂honestly your friend probably just needs to understand we don't all like the same things

Your friend thinks shorter hair is less attractive than longer hair. That’s just her opinion and not everyone else’s opinion

But some people do look better with short hair! A friend always had hers in a shoulder length bob which was fine, then one day she got a sort of pixie cut and it was WOW!

My husband prefers my hair short because he thinks it's hot. But the important thing is whether the person with the hair likes it!

My sister has a shaved head never wears make-up never as and lives in leggings a t-shirts and trainers sometimes clogs.
Her partner adores her he loves her for her they have been together for years.