Does my DH want me to look ugly

You're just as bad as OP's friend bitching about long hair. It would be nice if we accept everyone is different.

What do YOU want op? Do you want to be with short hair and no make up etc? If so great crack on. My mums like this. If it’s driven by husband to look a certain way - then not great and maybe that’s what she’s saying?

Why do so many people have to have an opinion about your hair 🤯

Have it how you like it for yourself.

Your friend was essentially criticising your hair. Like people saying someone is ‘brave’ for wearing a certain outfit.

I think if my husband said he preferred my hair one way, I would be inclined to do the opposite. But I am quite old and contrary these days!

Many people look stunning with short hair. My gen Z daughter included.

Very true. We don’t know.

My friend looked stunning with her sleek bob and got lots of attention suddenly her partner wanted her to grow her hair a bit.

My friends even acknowledged it’s an insecurity thing on his part.

Not saying she doesn’t like nice with her longer hair but she just looks a bit more glamorous and sophisticated with the bob.

@booisbooming

its no different to women preferring long/short hair on a man or facial hair/tattoos etc

🙄🙄🙄

So you don't like prejudice against short hair but it's okay for you to show prejudice against long hair on older women? How does that make sense?

Some of us just don't suit short hair. I'll stick with the witchy woman aged flower child look thanks.

My husband has supported how I look and thinks many women spend way too much time on their appearance.

You lost me here.

@AmiablePedant to me your post came across as a ageist and misogynist! Calling older women women with longer hair witchy is never a good look imo

witchy no less 🤔

Context is everything, specifically the wider context of the state of your marriage.

My ex was like this - made it clear he didn't like make up, didn't like perfume, didn't think I should spend too much time on my appearance. When you're busy with kids etc, it's music to your ears to hear what you think equates to "you don't need that stuff to be attractive to me". Now that the relationship has collapsed and I can see how controlling he was, I can see that those sorts of comment were about keeping me close and making sure no one else - including me in the end - found me attractive.

I certainly would not leap to the popular conclusion here that your friend is jealous, which seems to me to be quite a misogynistic interpretation.

What’s it to him how much, or little, other women spend on their appearance? Why does he even care? Something about this doesn’t sit right.

I had an abusive ex who definitely tried to make me less attractive. In my case, part of my exes hatred of women was to do with the fact he was gay and in the closet (due to being from a homophobic Culture/Religion) but I didn’t find that out until years later. For other abusive men it’s that they don’t want competition from other men and are very insecure.

OP there are men who much prefer short hair to long. It can be beautiful. Your friend doesn’t sound very nice. A bit of a frenemy?

I’m not keen though on your DH’s views on other women and the idea he “prefers your hair short and out of the way” as opposed to, “thinks I really suit/look beautiful with short hair.”

When my abusive ex met me, he knew the deal. I was a long haired, full face of make up, heels and dresses kind of woman. That’s just me, my style, how I’ve always been.

Then the “I prefer you without makeup” started.
Why are you wearing a dress? Can’t you just wear jeans?
I hate it when women spend so much time on their appearance.
Why are girls so obsessed with looking pretty? It’s so vain. I thought you were better than that.
Why don’t you just cut your hair? It would be more convenient. It’s such a vanity and waste of time. You don’t need hair.
You’re going to this party wearing a DRESS? And LIPSTICK? You disgust me.
Why can’t you just go in your trackies? Are you that insecure that you need to dress up? It’s only the theatre. Are you elitist?
I like you in black. Colours are a bit attention seeking. I hate how attention seeking girls are.
Why are you wearing heels? Don’t you want to be able to run away from a rapist? They look stupid and make you an easy target.
You don’t need a shower, literally no one cares if you smell. I hate that you shower every day. Stop being so vain. Just be natural.
Aww I bet you think you look really sexy done up like that don’t you? You don’t. You look like the rest of the common sluts asking for it.

Etc.

So some men absolutely want to make you look (and feel) less attractive. Only you know which kind your DH is. Liking short hair is fine. Insisting on it and shaming you for spending time on your appearance would be a red flag…as unfortunately would judging women who spend more time on their appearance than you.

What business is it of his? Why would that be a big deal to a man? Bit weird, no? Set my spider senses off a bit.

What I think is key, is how would he react if you decided to grow your hair and wear make up regularly?

The fact your husband has actually said this makes me wonder if there is a grain of truth in what your friend has said about your husband being more secure if you don't look typically sexy.

"My husband has supported how I look and thinks many women spend way too much time on their appearance"

It comes across as neggy I.e. designed to make you behave a certain way to prove you are more secure and not like 'other women'.

So your husband loves you, stays with you, compliments you on your style, the style that you yourself love, and now over a conversation with a "friend" you are questioning it all?

Why are you assuming they're doing it to look good for men? Men passing judgement on how long random women take to get ready is really shitty. I've always found men who do that are the ones who couldn't pull a glamorous woman so speak badly about them.

I think your friend is projecting. Maybe your husband finds you attractive, maybe he doesn’t care about appearance. It’s no-one else’s business.

Women prefer things of their partners like no beard, tall, biceps, wearing smart clothes or whatever

Michelle Williams keeps her hair short in tribute to the one (straight) man she knew that liked short hair.

lots of men don’t like the full make up/nails/hair/heels look. My dh doesn’t. Much prefers the jeans/dm look than frilly dresses and heels.

it tends to be other women that judge - “making an effort” is a classics phrase. If you don’t spend time on your appearance you’re not doing it right.

ignore this “friend”, listen to your husband.

There's a lot of weird fetishisation around long hair. Do what makes you happy.

I'm an old lady meself: I am not ageist. An equally ancient friend who'd worn her hair very long for decades suddenly decided on an elegant bob. Visually, she lost 10 years and oddly people started asking her if she'd lost weight.

yeah super misogynistic to think women don't need to spend ages making themselves look good for men when men spend much less time on themselves and don't care.

Agree....it comes across as you're not like the other girls sort of thing which I always found to be a bit of a red flag.

Unfortunately it can be a thing with some men. Not necessarily your man but definitely some men. If the woman looks too good, it’s hassle for them because they have to work harder to keep them. That’s why that Jimmy Soul song exists… ‘If you want to be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty woman your wife’
It may not be the case in your situation though. Your friend might be being a cow. Impossible to say without knowing you in real life

Did you mean to be so ageist?

Hmmm I don’t know. I’m going against the grain here. I don’t think your DH is such a great guy. There’s no need to compare you to other women and put them down. It’s just as bad as if he said the opposite e.g women should have long hair and wear loads of makeup like TOWIE.

I think the responses from PPs would have been different then but it’s the same thing and it’s not cool. You do seem a bit insecure too, seeking further reassurance from PPs who also have short hair.

Maybe your mate has the measure of him.