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AIBU?

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Original poster

to feel hurt at being left out by family members?

114 replies

user092521 · 27/08/2024 19:29

I am feeling really hurt but don't know whether to say anything. I should preface this by saying that I admit that I've not shown much interest in this type of event previously. However I've just found out via social media that my three siblings and their entire families have all been to an event and not invited me and my family. It's a reasonably pricey weekend and I have never been to that sort of event before but there would have been no reason to think that either we couldn't afford to go or that we wouldn't want to join them. I knew that one of my siblings was attending with their family. The other two I didn't know about. They didn't invite us. We all have families with kids still at home and of fairly similar ages who all get on.

We all get on in general and I rely on them as friends since I don't have that many close friends.

I'm now feeling sad about it but don't know whether to say anything. It doesn't really achieve anything since the moment has been and gone but I feel really left out.

I suspect I'll just leave it but WWYD?

OP posts:
Chillyallday · 27/08/2024 19:55

Maybe just say on the group chat - aw didn’t realise you were all going to X event, we would have loved to have come… keep us in mind for the next one. That way you have raised it but are not causing a fall out, and made it clear you would like to join in future.

LittleLittleRex · 27/08/2024 19:50

How did you respond when the one sibling told you she was going with her family?

I doubt there's been a big plan and invites you were left out of. It's more likely the other siblings reacted with more enthusiasm or asked if they could tag along. Sometimes plans just kind of happen, if you get on there's no reason to think it's personal.

MartinCrieffsLemon · 27/08/2024 19:50

You say you've declined similar events before?
It can become a chore asking when you know the answer will be no.

Is there a chance the other 2 invited themselves along? Or it was a coincidence?

Talk to them.

Original poster
user092521 · 27/08/2024 19:48

We do see each other fairly regularly and have group video calls a few times a week. It's an event one sibling has been to before with his DW (not his whole family and not with my sibings).

I suspect one of my siblings knows I'm upset since they've been sending inane messages to the group chat all day clearly trying to engage me in conversation. She will know Ive seen her instagram stories.

It wasn't impromptu since the tickets were pricey and had to be bought in advance.

OP posts:
Onthefinalstretch · 27/08/2024 19:46

Well yes OP but if you don't say anything your feeling of hurt and isolation will only fester and magnify.
Is there a member of your family that you have generally felt close to and who you could approach about this in a sort of confidential way? If excluding you has come out of the blue surely there must one person in the family who is more approachable to ask?

PoliteOtter · 27/08/2024 19:46

I would be upset about this too for what it is worth. The only thing I can think is that maybe it was a very impromptu thing not really organised?

AnyThoughtsWelcome · 27/08/2024 19:45

You have to ask them about this and you have every right. It doesn’t have to be a big conflict.

Gizlotsmum · 27/08/2024 19:44

Do you all see each other regularly? Have they all previously expressed interest in this event that you haven’t? Is there history of them doing stuff together? I would comment on a photo along the lines of looks fab we’ll have to go with you next time …

Original poster
user092521 · 27/08/2024 19:41

I am really hurt but I think saying something will just cause issues. I thought we were all quite close so it's been a bit of a blow and I now feel quite isolated.

OP posts:
Onthefinalstretch · 27/08/2024 19:38

Well I think you should ask who ever was responsible for organising the rest of the family going why you and yours weren't invited.
You are obviously hurt by this. There may be an explanation that will make you feel better.

Staywildandwander · 27/08/2024 19:36

I would say something for future events so you don’t miss out again.
Something like you saw the pictures and you’d love to be invited to any other events they’re thinking of doing.

You don’t have to say you’re upset if you don’t think it will achieve anything.

I’d be upset for what it’s worth.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 27/08/2024 19:34

Ask them why you weren't invited

Original poster
user092521 · 27/08/2024 19:31

It's been and gone. I found out by seeing the photos on social media

OP posts:
KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 27/08/2024 19:31

Ask if you can go?