to feel hurt at being left out by family members?

It depends how you say it

They didn't even mention it though and I spoke to them all a couple of days before the event.

This is the bit that would bother me. Surely this would come up naturally in conversation.

The fact it didn’t makes it feel a bit more like a deliberate exclusion imo.

I think I’d have to say something.

And you showed no interest in joining them? So they presumably thought you weren't interested in joining them, as that would have been the time to speak up if you were.

I can see that you're hurt, but it's far more likely that this was an oversight due to them thinking you weren't interested than a deliberate slight, unless there's a back story.

I think the word 'invite' is being really misused here.. you don't generally 'invite' other people to things like this, you mention it to people, then decide to go, either as a group, or each family would arrange their own tickets/transport etc and arrange to meet up once there, it's not normally a case of one person inviting all others and arranging everything.

I was just about to say that they were wrong because any one of them could have told you but then I've just realised that at least one set did tell you beforehand, how did you know they were going, did they mention it?

In the WhatsApp I’d say something like, ‘ah guys how was X festival? Looks like you all had a brilliant weekend. We would have loved to come, what happened there?’

Or change the ‘what happened there?’ to something more suitable for your dynamic/less accusatory… in some families that would come across as jokey but maybe not in yours.

But you said that you knew that one brother and his wife were going. When you found out those two were going, did you express any interest in going along too?

If you didn't and the other siblings did, that will be why they ended up going and you didn't.

And if you really wanted to go, why didn't you suggest it when you found out the sibling and his wife were going?

@notanothernamechange24 Loads of posters have been supportive and acknowledged it’s hurtful?

@user092521 It really would be best to raise this. I’m sure they will rush to reassure you.

@user092521 it seems on Mumsnet we are not allowed to be upset about being excluded by family. I posted a similar thread about being excluded (from a holiday) and a lot of what I got was that there must be something wrong with me for them to have deliberately excluded me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Agree @MrsWidgerysLodger - you need to raise it with them in a non-confrontational way. Something along the lines of you were surprised at seeing the social media posts & felt hurt that you weren't asked. Keep it factual & drama free & see what they say.

Don't let it fester.

HinOP. I'm sorry you're feeling hurt by this. It may have been simply a lack of thought from your various family members. I do think you need to mention to them in some way though or it's going to just build up resentment inside you until you blow up at them over something unrelated. Best face it now so it can be dealt with and metaphorically put to bed so it's not festering in your mind. Doesn't have to be some massive confrontation but I would mention that you were hurt by their actions and felt purposely excluded.

I have several siblings and if this had happened to me I'd either message the sibling im closest to and say 'I'm quite upset that you all went to the event and I wasn't invited'. Or I'd have messaged on the instagram 'thanks for the invite'. No point in seething about it.

Just because I have not been to a festival before doesn't mean I wouldn't have wanted to go, particularly if it was a group thing with people I love.

So why didn't you say something when you found out about it?

You've not shown an interest before, knew about it but said nothing?

Are you sure people were actually invited rather than it was talked about & people decided to go iyswim?

Ah ok you're not like my family member, they would get blind drunk, let their kids run riot and have everyone else look after them, disappear the moment any restaurant bill appeared, and have a blazing public row in the street. 😂

Hence us no longer including them. On one occasion they got arrested on one of our holidays for drunk and disorderly/assaulting a police officer.

Sounds like you're not like them though!!

If you've never been to a music festival before and never shown an interest in going to one I can understand how it has happened, it's not really something you 'invite' other people to, it's more like something you'd have a conversation with someone about, specifically about certain artists usually, then organise to go together if you were mutually interested in it.

I may be projecting here as I have a relative who will complain about unfairness if not 'invited' to certain things, but never shows an interest in it, organises anything themselves or makes suggestions about places to go, they've been invited to things before, and they will go but spent the time obviously not enjoying themselves, so bottom line, if it is not something they would ever do off their own back then I would never 'invite' them to go with me for the sake of it, just to potentially ruin my enjoyment, so I stick to activities with them that I know they will like.

I wouldn't take it personally OP, if it's not your thing why would you want to go?

Yeah I would say something.. you can be honest without being arsey surely they know you've seen the pics etc it's ok to speak your mind when it comes to family. See what they say.

I know how you feel but it’s better not to sit on it as it will only brew stronger. Just ask.
It might have the very simple explanation or might be that you were excluded but if you wont know if you don’t ask.

I'd just say that you hadn't realized they were all going and can they invite you if they go again as it looked fun.

If they purposefully tried to hide the fact that they were going then it does put a different spin on it. I'd be upset by that.

Could you have afforded it and transported yourself?

Would you have been good company if you went?

Are your kids and husband enjoyable company?

Just asking the above as we have a similar situation where the answer to all of the above would be no for this family member, but they'd still want to come, expect us all to pay for it and drive them, and then behave abominably when there. We therefore no longer invite them to things.

Honest answer OP

Would you and your family have gone to this festival, if you'd been asked ?