Husband rude?

And if you give it a couple of years the son will start to mirror his dad’s behaviour towards her, and then she will have two of them. All because she has shown her DC how it’s fine to treat her like dirt.

OP won’t leave or even tell him to kindly fuck off. She will rather have another 40 years of this.

@Ifyouseeitsayit1983

your updates show that he is quite textbook abusive.

You have been conditioned to accept his abuse, you even think it is normal.
It is incredibly easy for him to flip a situation where he has done wrong and make you believe it is your fault.

you are too deep into the fog to see this clearly.

How do I know? I lived your life. I apologised for things my H did after he went DARVO on me.

I took accountability for his mistakes.

I only can see it now, in hindsight. What you describe is very much the same pattern.

Please start reading up on DARVO, emotional abuse, Stonewalling, verbal tactics auch as Countering etc. I hope you will see the situation for what it is at some point.

No he won’t. And he’s got more chance of learning how to behave better and not turning into a mini version of his Dad. One of the best things I ever did for my son was to separate from his Dad. Idolising a bully is dangerous on a number of levels

I'm with your husband on this I hate having people sprung on me. If people are visiting it needs to be planned in advance, I'll already have things I want to do with my time that I then can't do. It'll throw me off balance for the rest of the day.

It sounds very much like your son is starting to take after his dad and soon you will have two of them being horrible to you and blaming you for everything that doesn’t go their way. Most kids wouldn’t hate a parent under these circumstances. Does your son also always get his way?

Your child is growing up thinking that women are mere skivvies for men. Your relationship dynamic is ensuring that.

I don't know, when I visit my sister, my brother in law usually keeps mostly out the way. It doesn't bother me at all and I get he just isn't up to socialising. Although, he will usually say hello at least before disappearing again

OP, every poster on here who is mistreated by their husband says the same thing. 'oh the kids adore him!', 'oh the kids will HATE ME if I leave him'. Please don't gaslight yourself. Kids will still adore both parents whether living with them full time or not. And many of us will attest that kids will appreciate seeing their mother happier. Happy mummy, happier life. Staying 'for the sake of the children' never, and I mean NEVER works. Kids know when something is up. You owe it to yourself to be happy so you can be an effective mother. Please leave. At least pack your bags and go stay with your parents (or relative) for a few days - 'give him a scare'. See what he says then when he comes back home and sees you've left him, and he has to explain to his mummy. Time for ULTIMATUM.

If yo don’t get out your son will end up your DH’s little mini me—he will either imitate him in sulking and abusing you or he will anxiously take your side and try to defend you. Offer the poor kid a glimpse of a normal, kindly, world where husbands treasure their wives or if not that where women have self respect and can treasure themselves

A lot of women use their kids as an excuse not to leave.

Your child will he happy once you’re out of a bad relationship.

Sometimes an arse is just an arse

He is very rude

But you need to stop apologising

Take some of the advice on here

I like this way of looking at it!

Op, you sound lovely. But your h is abusive.

He's a nasty bully, giving the silent treatment to get his own way and shuts you up. Thing is, it's worked for him so long, why would he change?

Time to get angry.

Sometimes people aren’t meant to be together. If you leave your h you haven’t “triggered separation “ like you shot and killed your marriage. You have just come to the end of the part of your story and journey with this man. He can continue to be a father to his child.

Of course.
Autistic and misunderstood, eh?

Sadly true. As soon as I read the OP I recognised the behaviour. In my case it started with my family ,then any friends I made. I stopped making friends.
Then it was our children , their friends were criticised until they faded away.
Then ,as we grew older it was any job I had ,or any hobbies . So they faded away too. So I left . He has passed away now. I so wish I'd called him out ,left earlier ,anything but covered it up. I'm old now . Very minimal contact with adult children ,because I left " poor dad" Please be careful . I tried to make sure my children were happy by putting up with shite. No one was happy in the end.

Yes.
👏
Idk if I'm much older at 46, but definitely too old for this man's 💩.

Don't apologise. Doesn't mean you don't need to give him silent treatment, just ignore that he's doing it to you and carry on as normal.

You're going to find it hard as you've been giving in to him for so long. And by giving in, you've reinforced the idea that his bullying tactics work. The only way to get change is to change how you react.

Especially if you won't leave. He's an arsehole

That’s very rude of him. I suggest you put your words into action and stop being so involved with his family. If he wants to see them, he needs to facilitate and cook for them. Do nothing!

And if you do leave him, I doubt he will have your son 50%, more likely it will be every other weekend.

Don’t waste any more years on him.

I think however the argument ends, just be minded that next time his parents are in the frame for a social event, you dip out and tell him to go alone and play the same game. See how he reacts then. In fact tell him that that’s what you’re going to do so he’s forewarned that his arsehole behaviour has consequences. He is rude to your parents, you’ll cease being the genial DIL too.

You're not joining in on the silent treatment. That's all him.

Stop saying you're so weak. That's bullshit and negative thinking like that is pointless. Living with the likes of him means you're anything but weak. Stop cowering, stop apologising, and start making plans. Your life can be anything you want it to be.

Work on yourself first. Take a deep breath and look at the situation with a keen eye. You are no more responsible for his temper tantrum than you are responsible for a toddler shrieking because he threw his icecream out of the window and now can’t eat it.

Start reading up on this kind of damaged personality. You say his father is just like this? Well it’s learned behavior which he, in turn, will teach your child.

I recommend Adult Children Of the Emotionally Immature, look into books about Adult Children of Alcoholics as well if this applies. Your dh had to grow up in the shadow of his father and he learned to fear and avoid the shame associated with ever apologizing or feeling that he has done the wrong thing.

You can’t change him because he is too frightened and fragile to accept that he has a problem. And he doesn’t have a problem! You are the problem in his eyes. Rather than changing his behavior to make you happy he spends his time and energy trying to shut you down and shrink you to fit so that he can maintain his fragile ego and his sense of control.

Once you see how pathetic ghis is you will start to free yourself if his mental domination.