Tired and bored with myself - ask wife to move

Kindly, this is a mid life crisis.
It’s very common for men to feel like this. Retirement is in sight - but still far enough away that the years to get there feel long.
You are bored, but your wife is happy.
Start doing some fun things with your wife - go away the two of you, start a new hobby together.
And for you maybe look at yourself - how can you improve yourself and use your brain? Learn a new language, get to know your children better, make your garden really beautiful. Change your job?
Or you could uproot your family - all of whom sound quite happy where they are. With no real guarantee this would improve things.
It’s you who is tired and bored. But you also seem to have many things that a lot of men would love to have - a home, a loving wife and children, a steady job. Those are things to be grateful for.

My utterly miserable son got a job in Bermuda for six years. He seriously scratched that itch.

We sold up and did 6 months in Australia/new Zealand. Best thing we ever did. Came back energised and my husband got a new job which he much preferred.
what are your wife’s suggestions to help your outlook on life as clearly the status quo isn’t working for you. She can’t just say no/ she needs to come up with something else. Life or too short to be miserable.

@Dancinginthedarkk how old are you?
How old are the children?

The job seems to be the main issue here.

If you move house you still take you and your issues to a different place.

Don't let this be your life.

I know of various people who have semi-retired to Spain.

Frankly, after a few years, they have started to become very bored. Not because Spain is boring - it’s fabulous - but because, as semi-retired/retired expats without local roots, they have ended up with too much time on their hands and no real connection to the local community.

Some have stuck it out but I got talking to one couple who had spent about 6 years in Andalusia and were getting ready to return to the UK. Not only were they bored, they had developed drinking problems; they’d noticed they were starting to drink earlier and earlier each day and had already lost a couple of expat friends to drink-related illnesses. They were returning before that happened to them.

It sounds like the real problem here is that you have no work-life balance and you’re slogging your guts out in a job you hate. DH and I work long hours - as do many - but we mostly enjoy our jobs and have great colleagues. It makes such a difference.

It’s all very well your wife caring about appearances but she needs to increase her financial contribution if it matters that much. Far better to see if you can scale back on the expenses. It’s wrong for you to uproot your family on a whim but it’s equally wrong for your wife to dismiss your concerns.

You are bored with your wife yet you would be happy to have her move halfway around the world with you! make up your mind. Seems there is a lot of me me me here you are bored with family life, well children aren't disposable. If it's a midlife crisis go and walk the Great wall of China go kayaking down the Amazon or do something useful like stay at home raise your children and help out a homeless shelter.

Change your job.

If you’re bored with the wife and you want to live in separate places, do the classic town and country split except she stays in town and you go to Brighton. Then you can decide where you have options for where you spend weekends as a family. Alternate perhaps.

Mid life crisis?

I wouldn’t move abroad if my kids were in England, I’d assume that meant I’d barely see them

How old are your kids? Is it a case of sucking it up for a couple more years, or a decade? TBH, your marriage doesn't sound that wonderful and your wife doesn't sound like she's very sympathetic. Do you want to stay in your marriage? Do you still love each other? You don't still want the same things, which isn't ideal. Is this a midlife crisis or something more serious?

I am a married middle bloke, with 2 kids.
I have been feeling tired and bored with myself, with life, and sadly with my wife.

So being bored with your wife, you want to uproot her from her support system, her friends, her job, and move the kids school. 'maybe keep a smallish house in London'. Maybe not.
Yeah, I'm on to you.

How old are the kids?

If they are not very old then moving countries is going to be a big change for them, once they've been in the English system for 5yrs plus it's hard to change to schools in another language unless you are looking at international schools.

Could you actually get visas for Spain or Italy? If you have eu passports not so much of a problem but if only British then you'll need either a job over there or a lot of cash for an investment visa.

Assuming this isn't a Springstein related wind up thread, is there a possibility that you and your boss could both leave and set up your own business? Not possible if you are surgeons though...

Are you bored of her/your relationship? If so, then uprooting the whole family sounds unhealthy and unfair.

I would say if you want your marriage to work, the first step would be trying a different job in the same location first.

That said, you don't sound like you like her very much.

Try saying "hey there baby, I could use just a little help"
I'm sure she will understand

You need to review your job before you uproot the whole family. You could reduce your hours or change jobs but she'd need to step up and take on more hours, if you're contributing 90%. Sit down together with a bottle of wine and have an honest conversation about how to move forward.

Well she is being unreasonable not wanting to have an open discussion, the only way to start fi ding a way to cope is talking together.