Husband made lists about what I have done ‘wrong’

Could you fit a lock to your bedroom door?

God this is awful. You may be too far in to realise how bad, OP.

Eh? All cancerians don't pull their weight at home and list any spousal alleged misdemeanours?

Glad you're finally recognising that he's treating you like shit.

@IfIwasablackbird I can't believe you've spent so much of your life with such an awful person.

You'll no doubt find it like a new lease of life once you're on your own with the kids!

Good luck to you!

As for the living situation, I'd suggest he goes to rent his own place for now. If he refuses, is there somewhere you and the kids can go?

Hi OP, he sounds insufferable and like you have an extra child to look after. He will have a shock once he's got to do basic life tasks by himself. Most teenagers do more than it sounds like he does. As others have said, this isn't right, you deserve so much better, and you might have had 20 years with him but you've got your whole life ahead of you and it's going to be great.

OP I think you have an amazing life to come when you get out of this situation!

I nearly laughed at "It won’t shock anyone to learn he’s one of those who writes positive affirmations about himself."
i am so glad you are at the its done part.
not glad but yknow -keep it rel.
i know this dance/and yet i never know it.
i dont wnt to scare you but you need to buckle up.
(Narc is probli accurate.)
he hates you because you are everything he is not.
do NOT underestimate what he is capabale of.once the colors are fully out,
see solicitor asap,get things moving. he will "lame blame"you lie and deny.
let him do him.he cant see beyond tht anyway

I overheard a conversation recently where someone asked a woman how she was, and she replied amazing, wish she'd done it sooner! I thought she meant a holiday of a lifetime, or moving to her dream house. Nope. She was talking about divorcing her husband and she honestly sounded so great. I can't quite explain it, but I hope you feel the same one day.

Good one 😀

betchu his star sign is "cancer"
whats he wanna ado that for?arsehole. double aarsehole leave to be seen...
bin that. hes mental-
or at least demand he scribes sid lists in style of satirical romantic poet (whos not getting any for a guid while)
arsehole

Unfortunately I think your best strategy is to stay put. Refuse to move out. I expect he won't move out either.

Have you told him yet? If not, wait until you have gathered all the financial documents: his pension(s), his bank accounts and savings and any investments, any other property, receipts for any big home improvements lately and how they were paid for. This is because you can expect him to try and avoid giving you a fair financial settlement.

After you have told him that you are divorcing him, you will have to live separately in the house. Is there a spare bedroom? Can you move in with one of the kids, or have them share for a while? Can you sleep on the sofa?
Living separately means doing no jobs for him - don't share meals, don't do his laundry. Consider separate food cupboards.
Close any joint accounts.
Discuss which days he will be responsible for the children and which you will. If he thinks he wants 50/50 parenting, to avoid paying maintenance, that starts NOW, so nail down exactly which mornings, evenings, and days at the weekends he will have full responsibility, including shopping and cooking for them.
It will be miserable for everyone, but it will be worth it in the end.

He sounds petty and dreadful and like you will be much freer and happier without him.

What a wake up call awaits this man! Good luck OP rising like a phoenix while he stumbles around in shock. X

And you won’t, either 🙂.

Make a to do list of things you're going to do starting tomorrow, and show him.

1. go to solicitors and file divorce
2. gather up his shit and put outside

Firstly, I have just read most of the thread and all of your posts OP and I am INCREDIBLY impressed with how brave and clear thinking you are being - you really are an amazing woman, that comes across clearly. And I suspect that one day quite soon you will be very very pleased you found that list, and that it kick-started your bid for freedom.

Now, I have written lists about ex partners (and my current one) before, but these have been at crisis points, when I have been trying to work out whether the relationship is worth saving - so there might be a list of positive things and a list of things I would need them to change. I did actually show the latter to my husband a little while ago, along with a list of things I had identified I needed to work on myself, and I feel like it really helped us both, and he did respond positively (I did ask him if he wanted to read it).

BUT they were big picture things like how we communicate, how we do finances etc, not things like one of us doing the washing up badly on a particular occasion.....

However, it did make me wonder, could your husband have been thinking of leaving you? Even possibly speaking to a counsellor who might have suggested he do this? But if he is a very literal type of thinker, he might have done it in this almost petty degree of detail?

In many ways it doesn't matter either way, as it sounds like you are clear in your decision - and I truly wish you all the best.....

Nice comment from him about not paying the mortgage - really showing you what a selfish cunt he is. He is not your friend.

honeslty, it is a dealbreaker. That’s just pathetic. ,

Oh, word. 😭😭😭