Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

These teachers and their questionable choices

383 replies

Whitesparkled123 · 27/08/2024 08:44

1 of these teachers is a mum at my DC school and she doesn't teach at the school. One of them is a teacher at my DC school and the other is a teacher at another school. They are all friends with each other. I'm trying to be vague as this could be outing.

I'm not really that close to them but know of their partying lifestyle. All 3 have children. They often go to raves, parties and do drugs. I found out last week that 1 of them held a party and couldn't find childcare so left their children in their home whilst partying at the bottom of their garden (which is quite far). They were all there and were all on drugs. The school mum host got people to take it in turns to watch the children. Often after they have been out and are on come downs they have their children.

I've just seen one of them has been to a well known event in London. Her whole family went including the children. She's posted pics and her youngest DC is asleep on the floor (it was held on the streets). I'm shocked. I just think why would you put your own needs above those of your children.
But what can I do? I can't actually prove any of this. Plus I'm not ok with them being teachers and coming into work on the Monday with a potential come down.

OP posts:
ThePrologue · 27/08/2024 12:19

DebateWithMoi · 27/08/2024 09:44

I am high up in one of those professions and let me tell you, drugs would have you sacked. Do you really think police go to raves and take drugs on their days off? Christ

I think you'll find they do. I too was 'high up' in one of those professions.
They may not be taking illicit substances or hitting the wine during work hours, but plenty do outside of work
Don't be so naive!

angellinaballerina7 · 27/08/2024 12:19

Correct me if I’m wrong, but you are so very certain that there’s child neglect going on that you put it on mumsnet, but not called for actual support/safeguarding? Gotcha.

RisingMist · 27/08/2024 12:18

YANBU. Teachers are role models. Of course teachers have personal lives and can go to parties, just like anyone else. But they should not be taking illegal drugs, particularly if they are responsible for children at the time (including their own children).

FrippEnos · 27/08/2024 12:18

If the OP decided to report this to the HT and BoG, she would have to be prepared to give a legal statement to whoever was investigating the complaint.
It is possible that the teachers could lose their jobs if the HT wanted to get rid of them and had the BoG in their pocket and they followed the policies of the school as all the HT would have to say is that they (and the BoG) have lost confidence in the teacher.

Although I suspect that the Union would have agreed a leaving package with the school before that happened.

betterangels · 27/08/2024 12:14

SmileEachDay · 27/08/2024 08:52

I'm not really that close to them but know of their partying lifestyle

= I listen to bitchy gossip

If you have an issue with the teaching of any of these women, address that through the school. Anything else? None of your business.

Yes, honestly this. But pulling them apart on a public Internet forum known to have the tabloid press all over it is probably more fun. I guess.

PADDY17 · 27/08/2024 12:12

I am still absolutely shocked at the amount of people on here thinking it is ok to take drugs. Period. Let alone Teachers taking drugs.
Cocaine use should not be accepted at all. Even buying drugs, you are supporting trafficking etc.

Tulipsareredvioletsarebue · 27/08/2024 12:12

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 27/08/2024 11:10

Again that’s your opinion. You have no clue what the OP knows and doesn’t know.

She has given some vague details to protect her identity I assume, but the upshot of the question seems to be ….., should I tell someone if I’ve seen a teacher taking class A drugs at a party and it is my belief she does it regularly and it’s impairing her ability to care for her kids? Well my answer to that would be yes. If that teacher wanted to protect herself from potentially vexatious claims then they should do what most teachers do and lock down their social media.

From what I read, OP may or may not have seen the said tracher taking drugs at some occasion (she has not reported them then- why? which would be an interesting question to ask, would she be implicating herself or at least showing negligence for not reporting)- which she now stretches to every single situation the teachers are in any social situation. Every party they go to or even, she sees as them potentially being covered in drugs.

I can see from the Carnivale comment a tendency to exaggerate and sensationalise. You'd think it was an illegal rave in some dumpster, not a fairly popular and mainstream event judging by OP's post.

If you see someone take drugs once, do you presume they do it every day all day and are under the influence during their job? Those people cant do right, because OP will be hunting them down looking for other occasions they can potentially snort coke. She sees through the walls and peeks into their lingerie drawers.

Locking down or even shutting down social media does sadly not protect anybody against vicious people, because as we see they can 'overhears' or 'find about' things and make her own assumptions. If they live in a smaller town, then the opportunities for OP to spy on them are limitless.

If OP had actual evidence, she should by all means report where necessary, but it does not seem she does.

Miffylou · 27/08/2024 12:12

Mind your own business. As long as they perform their work duties as required, it’s nothing to do with you what they do in their leisure time. If you honestly think their children are neglected or endangered you could phone Social Services but they will want to know exactly how you know these things.

mugglewump · 27/08/2024 12:09

Teacher here, and am quite aggrieved by this post. It feels to me like someone is trying to cause trouble for a teacher that they don't like. My view is you could not manage a class and deliver quality lessons without a clear head. Therefore, I think the implication that these women are teaching when 'off their faces' cannot be true. What they do at the weekend is their business, and I am sure their Sundays are spent getting themselves sorted for the week ahead and will be in school bright and early ready to face the day, every day. If you have an issue, speak to the head or the chair of governors and they will look into any suggestions of misconduct. Playground gossip can be very hurtful, so I hope this thread is not fueling the fire of maliciousness.

swimsong · 27/08/2024 12:08

Fluffyelephant · 27/08/2024 10:09

I'm surprised so many people think you're unreasonable.

A lot of my peers trained as teachers and many are recreational drug users. I do know this because I've seen it at parties (although don't use myself). If anything the teachers were more likely to be the drug users. While there are people who go into teaching because its a lifelong dream and they're passionate about teaching children, tbh many of the people I know who became teachers coasted along in life, weren't very responsible or sensible and sort of fell into teaching because they didn't know what else to do (and it was a job they were familiar with from being children). I wonder if there's a correlation between that personality type and taking recreational drugs.

I always found it bizarre and uncomfortable too.

I find your speculation and judgement bizarre and uncomfortable, tbh.

Heronwatcher · 27/08/2024 12:06

C8H10N4O2 · 27/08/2024 11:28

The OP is not talking about a spouse in a relationship - they are talking about "friends" whose activities they initially just heard about then we had a drip feed to claim they had seen it themselves. That is a world away from spouses posting that their wife/husband is regularly taking drugs and its impairing their relationship. That isn't even apples and pears - its apples and plastic boxes.

The OP is not being given a hard time they are being told to report it or shut up. Its good advice. S/he should take it.

Yes I agree, the threads about husbands (mostly) and drug use are usually in situations where the drug use is directly affecting the poster, either through family money being spent, or partner not pulling their weight, being shitty at home or with the kids or getting arrested/ sacked. That’s very different to this situation where there’s no evidence that the OP is being affected in any way whatsoever, it doesn’t even sound like her kids are being taught by one of the people she’s seen. Obviously she should still report if she genuinely thinks that the kids are in danger (she’s not said whether this is really the case), but that’s why I think the responses are different.

CautiousLurker · 27/08/2024 12:01

worrisomeasset · 27/08/2024 11:54

If the OP follows the advice of some posters and reports the teachers to their headteachers, the teachers won’t have to be Miss Marple to work out who has reported them. It would lead to an awkward atmosphere in OP’s neighbourhood. I also suspect that OP would notice a significant decline in the number of party invitations that she receives.

Be perfectly happy for my children not to mix with families that condone drug use, myself. And if it’s been done openly there is a limitless pool of people who could have picked up the phone to social services, frankly.

SadieDadie · 27/08/2024 11:59

C8H10N4O2 · 27/08/2024 11:28

The OP is not talking about a spouse in a relationship - they are talking about "friends" whose activities they initially just heard about then we had a drip feed to claim they had seen it themselves. That is a world away from spouses posting that their wife/husband is regularly taking drugs and its impairing their relationship. That isn't even apples and pears - its apples and plastic boxes.

The OP is not being given a hard time they are being told to report it or shut up. Its good advice. S/he should take it.

Regardless of who they are, the 2 scenarios are:

My DH took cocaine....responses are LTB, that's disgusting, drug taking is awful, what a dickhead, terrible if he needs cocaine to have fun.

3 teachers took cocaine...responses leave them alone, it's fine, it's normal, they are allowed some fun.

MN double standards, again.

VickyEadieofThigh · 27/08/2024 11:56

CautiousLurker · 27/08/2024 11:51

Am a little confused by some of the replies here - class B drug use is a sackable offence as a teacher and will usually lead to being banned from teaching. It is also a safeguarding concern with respect to that teacher’s children. I appreciate that it’s a fine line to weigh up whether the impact of a parent being sacked/barred from teaching (without a conviction, however, lots of other jobs/careers still open) upon any children, but I’m afraid if these teachers were working for a school where my children attended, I’d be inclined to report them.

They’re educated, middle class women who are fully able to weigh up the risks of taking drugs (openly) and chose to do so regardless of those risks. I have no sympathy if OP or any other person chose to contact their schools.

Edited

Correct. The incident I posted about earlier came to my attention because the arresting officer - on discovering that my staff member was a teacher - was obliged to inform me as it is a "reportable offence". The teacher resigned rather than be dismissed (they most certainly would have been dismissed) and was subsequently banned from teaching.

worrisomeasset · 27/08/2024 11:54

If the OP follows the advice of some posters and reports the teachers to their headteachers, the teachers won’t have to be Miss Marple to work out who has reported them. It would lead to an awkward atmosphere in OP’s neighbourhood. I also suspect that OP would notice a significant decline in the number of party invitations that she receives.

CautiousLurker · 27/08/2024 11:51

Am a little confused by some of the replies here - class B drug use is a sackable offence as a teacher and will usually lead to being banned from teaching. It is also a safeguarding concern with respect to that teacher’s children. I appreciate that it’s a fine line to weigh up whether the impact of a parent being sacked/barred from teaching (without a conviction, however, lots of other jobs/careers still open) upon any children, but I’m afraid if these teachers were working for a school where my children attended, I’d be inclined to report them.

They’re educated, middle class women who are fully able to weigh up the risks of taking drugs (openly) and chose to do so regardless of those risks. I have no sympathy if OP or any other person chose to contact their schools.

Wetherspoons · 27/08/2024 11:45

OP, have you 'stalked' their social media?

echt · 27/08/2024 11:44

Seeing as this the OP's first thread, can we assume this is some hacked-off teen who didn't the grades they wanted?

Noseybookworm · 27/08/2024 11:42

Whitesparkled123 · 27/08/2024 09:17

Because like I said how can I prove it? I've seen it but that's not going to hold up with social services or the police. They need evidence. Otherwise they will just say I'm making it up

You can report what you've seen to school, social services or police - it's up to them to investigate.

StolenChanel · 27/08/2024 11:41

greatvisuals · 27/08/2024 11:37

Kid: Sir, you have a hangover, that means you're drunk

Teacher: No . . . . that means I was drunk . . . yesterday

😂

greatvisuals · 27/08/2024 11:37

StolenChanel · 27/08/2024 11:31

We’ve gone from partying in the garden, taking the kids to NHC during the summer holidays to teaching “off their heads on drugs”. This thread is the gift that keeps on giving 😄

Kid: Sir, you have a hangover, that means you're drunk

Teacher: No . . . . that means I was drunk . . . yesterday

MolkosTeenageAngst · 27/08/2024 11:36

Nothing wrong with teachers taking drugs at the weekend as long as they’re not taking them during work time, no worse than drinking loads at the weekend which plenty of people in all professions do.

Obviously if there are parents who are taking drugs and drinking around their children and when caring for their children that’s different, they should be finding alternative childcare when they’re using drugs or alcohol. If you know for a fact that a parent is using enough drugs or alcohol to impair their decision making and functioning etc whilst caring for a child and that there isn’t anybody sober present to care for the child you should report that, regardless of profession.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/08/2024 11:36

Heronwatcher · 27/08/2024 09:12

What are the drugs? Class A or other? I think the official guidance for teachers is that even if they are convicted of an actual offence (which takes A LOT) these days, they wouldn’t lose their job unless it is a class A drug. Remember as well that the police are not likely to do anything about it if it’s his personal use only (unless they are drug dealers).

Honestly though I agree that the party-in-garden and child at carnival examples are pretty reasonable decisions- I wouldn’t necessarily do them myself but there’s nothing wrong. The drugs I agree I would raise an eyebrow but the reality is that if it’s relatively small amounts on a recreational basis it probably won’t have any effect on their teaching at all- and someone taking a bit if coke or cannabis on a Saturday night is likely to be fine for school on Monday- well no worse than someone sinking a couple of bottles of wine/ whisky.

There are thousands of other jobs where people regularly use drugs too- like lawyers, doctors, nurses, builders, train drivers and of course politicians- none of it is ideal I agree but if they are performing satisfactorily at school then I think that is the key issue. And I genuinely think it would be impossible to deal with a class of 30 kids and the other parts of a teaching job if you had a serious addiction.

I think I would try to distance myself from the source of all of this information and keep out of it TBH unless there are issues which start affecting my DC’s educational performance. If you notice something in particular you could email the head of the one at your school saying that Miss X seemed a bit unwell today and you’re worried whether she is ok- but not of the ones in the other schools.

Train drivers (and other rail staff) are subject to random drugs and alcohol tests and if they are at work, under the influence, they will be immediately dismissed. It is a dry industry.

Luio · 27/08/2024 11:36

flapjackfairy · 27/08/2024 10:23

@Whitesparkled123
I cannot believe the hard time you are getting on here ! I do not want my kids taught by a drug user/ drug addict who thinks it is fine to break the law and be totally blasé about it. I am with you 100 percent.
No doubt if they were male teachers everyone would be tearing them to shreds.

You will need to home school then. There is no way your children will get through their entire schooling without being taught by a drug user.

For many, teaching is not a vocation. It is often a bit of a default career, so you get all sorts. It can also be very stressful and this tends to ramp up the partying outside school.

Thiswayforward · 27/08/2024 11:32

Unless you have seen it first hand you aren’t really in a position to comment. In some social circles drugs are the norm. I’m with you op. But a lot of it could be rumours.