AIBU for not taking my boyfriend’s kids to school?

Surely it can only be two or three mornings in the week? I still wouldn’t do it because I personally wouldn’t want a two year old commuting that long everyday, but presumably you do only has them half the week anyway?

if he starts at 6, what time does he finish? Who picks them up everyday and why?

This. I’m a bit confused on the timeline. Which happened first—the new job or the new school?

Either XW signed the kids up to a school that your BF could never get them to, because he had a new job lined up.

or

BF took a job which interfered with his new school run commitments, and he took it without thinking things through/putting a plan in place, and assumed you would do it (in which case, he needs to hire a driver/nanny).

A 3 hour round trip without consulting me?? I that were our OWN child and my dh had signed them up, I still wouldn’t. ‘If it is that important you’d have asked me beforehand. It’s a big effort and I won’t be able to help.’

No way. You weren’t consulted on choice of school because they are not your children. You don’t need to be involved in ludicrous travel arrangements because they are not your children.

This.

I would never commit to 3 hours daily school run for our children.

How old are the children? Buy them a bus pass if +11 yo.

They can’t have it both ways. You can’t be “only the girlfriend” when the big decisions are being made, then become “one of the parents” when the graft is happening. Either you’re in a parental role, where you’re involved in the school choices, and you’re privy to the decision making and the driving plans; or you’re the girlfriend who is not involved in the decision making, nor the day-to-day commute. Either or. They can’t make these big decisions without you in the room, if these big decisions have a huge impact on your daily life.

Your boyfriend changed jobs knowing he couldn't take them to school, what was he thinking??

Well, yeah, it’s clearly completely unreasonable for anyone to expect you to do this school run but it sounds like your boyfriend has the kids 50:50 (every other week) and when it’s his week, it’s HIS responsibility to sort out how his children get to school. Not yours, not his mother’s, not the kids’ mum’s. He should be making arrangements (that don’t involve you) for logistics during his time. How they get to school when they’re with their mum is nothing to do with you or him.

That’s a very good suggestion @ChampagneLassie.

@newmom2022 Your boyfriend got a major pay-rise and now his work hours interferes with him being able to do the school run. He could use some of that payrise to hire a nanny to take the children to school. Lots of working parents already do this. He would probably rather you do it for free but tough. He just needs to suck it up and pay for it.

You’re his girlfriend and partner not his servant/housemaid.

And what is your two year old supposed to be doing whilst you’re spending 3 hrs ferrying children to school? I’ve got a 2.5 year old no way would I be putting them through that journey twice a day. I’m amazed that you even think this is possible. It sounds like they have money so perhaps a nanny is hired to do the drop offs and pickups

So dp took the new shift knowing he would never be able to take the dc to school regardless of where the schools were? Did you discuss the implications or did he just assume it was your job to take them? What would he have done if he didn't have a partner? Can't believe you're being made to feel the bad person.

Nope still ridiculous. Did your DP change work times when he was already taking the kids or after agreeing to take them? Because if so it's not ok for him to put that back on their mum, his mum or you and he shouldn't have taken the new job that interfered with his responsibilities with his kids.

Whether you are married or not you and your boyfriend are partners. Partners work together and help each other out which means your boyfriend should have consulted you first and involved you in the decision making process of what you are or are not prepared to do. And this would be the same if it was your own dc.

It’s not ok to simply expect you to do this. YANBU.

It doesn't change my opinion :)

Either way, it is 3 hours out of your day which is hugely unreasonable and isn't sustainable long term.

What happens when your daughter starts nursery or school?
What if your work schedule changes?

If you commit to doing it now, it will be almost impossible to stop.

They’re insanely over privileged, all three of them. I especially find your partner’s behaviour despicable for putting you in this position and leaving you to deal with the fallout and for not just finding a solution for himself, leaving you to become the target of two desperate women wanting their precious kids/gkids in special schools. Who does he think he is?

Please think long and hard if you have thoughts about marrying him. I presume he feels he can take you for granted because you have a kid together.

Remove the women from this situation. The buck always began and stops right at him. Now it’s his job to find a solution that does not involve you.

Wouldn't do that for my own kids never mind anyone else's, you'd be mug to even consider it.

Still 3 hours whatever way you look at it . Crazy .

A three hour round trip is insanity.

Utterly, completely ludicrous.

I don't know any reasonable person that would expect someone to give up 3 hours of their day to sit in traffic.

She needs to put them in a school that is a reasonable distance or figure out something else.
What happens if you and your boyfriend split up? Who will do it then?

And BTW, even if you were married, it is unreasonable to expect you to do this.
If it was 25 mins away that's different... this is a HUGE inconvenience

I have some questions about the school enrollment. You say his wife enrolled them - is this because these are schools the kids really, really wanted to go to? Performing arts school normally have a difficult audition process so do the kids have talent and want to pursue this sort of career? Why was this not discussed when they were enrolled in school in the first place? Did his ex say she would take them all the time and has now reneged? Did your boyfriend have different plans for his kids schooling? Do he and his ex get on so badly they can’t agree on what’s best for their kids?

But regardless of the ridiculous school commute, your boyfriend took a job where he couldn’t get his kids to school whether it was a 3 hours round trip or down the road. That’s piss poor. No wonder he’s on your side, he wants it to look like this is between you and the ex so he can avoid the fact he’s not pulled his weight fully.

YANBU to not take them. It’s your boyfriend and quite possibly his ex that are the unreasonable ones here.

If he can’t take them to school or arrange to get them there, they’ll have to live with their mum during the week and see their dad EOW. And your boyfriend will need to up the maintenance he pays to cover the costs his ex.

I would find it hard not to laugh at any and all attempts to guilt me into doing this.

YANBU.

It is not your responsibility, but it is his responsibility.

if he wants to take a job that starts at 6am, then he needs to hire someone to watch his children and take them to school on his parenting days. He can’t just assume his XW will sacrifice her life (and her career) because of his job. I know in this circumstance you say the mother does not work, but the principle remains the same. He cant just expect her to be the default parent because it is inconvenient for him. She should be free to go work on her child free days, unconstrained by school runs, just like he is unconstructed on her parenting days.