AIBU for not taking my boyfriend’s kids to school?

I love how you say your boyfriend has taken your side. This shifts the responsibility off of him if he let's it be on you. It is 'his' week of childcare so he needs to arrange transport. Try and move the ex and his mom away from you.

It is possible to hire taxis to take children to and from school, the drivers concerned all being checked out and properly authorised. As your partner now earns a lot more, you could look into that. It seems a reasonable solution to me. I worked for a lady who had that arrangement for her children and it worked out very well.

I agree it is unreasonable to expect you to do so much driving early every morning in term time, especially when you have a very young child and are working. You'd be worn out at the start of the day.

You are not mean to refuse, being married or not has nothing to do with it, I doubt a married person would agree to that. It is just too much.

I'm glad your partner is backing you on this issue, his mother hasn't thought it out properly. What would happen if one of the children, including yours, was ill and couldn't go to school, you could hardly leave that one on his or her own while you ferry the other(s) and are out for a long time (even a short time). Or if you were taken ill.

I hope your step--children's mother, and partner's mother, are on Mumsnet and they read all the replies on this thread.

And what do they expect your 2 year old to do in this situation? Spend 3 hours every morning strapped in a car. They can get fucked, they didn't think to involve you in the school choice so sure as shit you shouldn't be involved in getting them there. Perhaps your MIL should do it if she's so adament the children attend those schools.

Seriously OP, not even if you were married is this your responsibility. Ridiculous.

Also your boyfriend needs a kick up the arse to stop his ex wife and mother bothering you about this. He shouldn't be leaving you to deal with this shit he should be nipping this thing in the bud his bloody self!

It’s your boyfriend’s job to agree schools with his ex then sort out school transport.

Which he likely would have done, had he been consulted beforehand - or more likely refused to accommodate a non working parent pushing a three hour daily round trip onto her ex and his partner who both work. Which, when you think about it, is probably why she didn’t discuss it with him before she went ahead.

Don’t be so bloody pathetic. The PARENTS of the children should be responsible for getting them to and from school.

OP is not a bad stepparent for refusing to spend 3 hours getting two children who aren’t hers to and from school.

Why is it down to him to plan for something that is unworkable, unreasonable and arranged with no consultation with him, even though he is co-parenting 50/50 ?

Both OP and her BF work, ex doesn’t, so the easy solution is that ex has the kids during the week and does the three hour round trip that she arranged, and OP/BF have them every weekend - maybe pick them up from school on Fridays and possibly return them on Sunday night bathed and ready for school the next morning. At least temporarily until a proper solution can be reached. So many people her concentrating on their fathers’ new job and pay rise, which wouldn’t otherwise have been a problem as OP was willing to take them to school locally. His ex is responsible for this mess, she should be the one to sort the solution, and that doesn’t include expecting their father to accommodate a daily three hour round trip any more than expecting OP to.

If you don’t have any say in which school they go to, because you’re not in a parental role, then you’re also not responsible for getting them there. People with responsibility for the children agree on things like schools, extracurricular activities etc, because they’ll be the ones paying for and facilitating them.

It’s your boyfriend’s job to agree schools with his ex then sort out school transport.

What the actual Kardashian?
3hrs is ridiculous. They are off their head if they think this is reasonable.

I had a 1.5hr round trip for one of my dd's for a couple of years, mainly due to Covid.
That was pretty onerous, I definitely wouldn't want to be doing 3 hours trailing a toddler with me.

Stick to your guns with a firm it is not convenient!

This is something the kids’ mother should have thought of before she enrolled them in this school. Just like every other parent has to consider these basic issues when they enrol their child into school/childcare/an activity.

No way would I be doing a 3 hour round trip every bloody morning (and afternoon?). Wouldn’t matter if I was married to the kids father or not, it’s just not a reasonable request.

What's his plan for every second week when he has them?

He's going to need to find some sort of solution pretty quickly of they are at yours every other week.

I wouldn't say you'll do school runs when you're married, tbh that just sounds a bit like an ultimatum to get him to marry you, and it's also going to be something he can hold over you as well if you do get married.

Of course YANBU
Your partner and ex need to sit down and discuss this and decide what's in the best interest of the children.

i agree, but there’s a limit. Two different schools and a three hour round trip, arranged with absolutely no consultation when you have a 50/50 arrangement is utterly unreasonable. I’d be pretty pissed off with that, never mind being asked to stump up taxi fares which will likely gobble up the pay rise, leaving them no better off. And how would a taxi solve it - the taxi driver isn’t going to see them into the schools, which OP says is what takes the time, so she would still need to go with them.

It says on the OP the children's mother and grandmother do not work.

Say no.

I would not do this it's massively taking the pi$$ out of you.
Where would the 2 year old be while this is going on, I expect coming along for the 3 hour school drop offs? No way.

Fair enough if it's up the road and you did it but not all that messing about.

Stay strong and stand your ground op.

Not your responsibility and also, poor bloody kids. I assume for them it is 1.5 hours each way and you said elementary, I'm assuming you are in the USA so that's what? Age under 10.

Then what happens with your child?

Sorry but she is crazy to do that to her children and your BF should be talking to her about it.

Mum or gran can take them and pick up back to yours, they created the problem they should fix it.

Well I'm assuming he'd want his kids to go to this special school since he's their Dad?? And if it's his week to take them and he can't and no one else wants to, what is the solution? Most people want the best for their kids

So they are asking you to get up and take your two year old on a three hour car journey? And do that 5 days a week? No chance and I’m a real people pleaser normally.

Offer to take them to the local school instead, to show willing.

Don't be saying silly things like you'd do it if you were married because it would still be a ridiculous imposition!

Also not sure why you're using bio mum? She's just their mum. It doesn't need a qualifier unless they are adopted.

Why should he ? Their mother made the decision without consultation and with no thought as to how it would affect their routine. It baffles me why so many posters seem to resent the fact that he’s taken a job with a big pay rise, if his kids will benefit from it. Squandering it on unnecessary taxi fares is ridiculous - his ex decided this, why can’t she sort out the transport ?

Also, how much are they proposing to compensate you for your time, petrol, extra service requirements, meals out and wear and tear on your vehicle?

It’s not reasonable or feasible, you can’t do it. Potentially you could take one child to school, and your BF hires a nanny for the other one, but you cannot put a toddler through the current plan every day. The fact he’s leaving it to you to sort doesn’t demonstrate any respect for you or your child. Mum and dad need to have a conversation about the viability of 2 different schools so far away.

Hes taken a job where he can’t do any school runs for children that are not your responsibility… ignoring the children’s mum/grandma and their work commitments (or not), he clearly asked for 50/50 and now has passed the work to you. I’m sure you’re fabulous, but if someone had taken my children 50% of the time then outsourced the parenting to their OH, I’d be pretty furious with that person. He needs to either find a job that allows him to undertake childcare, or pay for additional help - not just dump everything on you.

'This is a completely unreasonable and impractical request. No matter how much you get upset or cry the request won't become any less unreasonable or impractical. Please don't try to guilt trip me because you know I care about the kids.'
They need to sort it out, not you.

OP they are not your children. His ex has made a unilateral decision without even discussing it with their father and it will have a major effect on your routine during contact weeks. That’s unreasonable, especially as you and your BF both work and ex doesn’t. I would get BF to tell her he wants custody revisited and changed to every weekend, since she has made a major decision that neither of you can accommodate within the present arrangement.

If you drive them you choose the schools. Otherwise the kid's parents sort it between themselves.