AIBU for not taking my boyfriend’s kids to school?

i wouldn’t even being engaging in a conversation about it. My DH’s ex messages me sometimes when she doesn’t like the answers she gets from him and I just tell her I’m not getting involved. And we’re married, which does make a difference imo. Have you told them that you’re not doing it? Because that’s all that needs to be said. Don’t engage further.

Can your bf offer to pay half a taxi? It really is his problem to sort out.

I don't understand why anyone would stick their kids into different schools a long way apart. And it's a very hard NO to expecting you, the 2yo or either of the kids to spend more than 1 hour maximum individually in the car each morning, wherever any of you are going.

That said, and bear in mind I'm just being nosy so you don't have to answer, I have so many questions! How is their mum doing this on her week? Why isn't one kid at least being dropped in breakfast club to reduce the time spent in cars? Does neither school have a coach service? Why do they BOTH have to go to performing arts school anyway, is one of them being pushed just because the other one enjoys theatre?

If you factor in pickups as well, this sounds like one of the kids in the family will be spending at least five hours a day in the car! That's no way to spend a childhood!
Their mother just hasn't thought this all through.

Tough one if you live together and have shared care married or not.
Wasnt it all discussed before any changes were made.

How far does Mum & Granny live from you? Can they not collect the kids from yours & take them to school themselves? If neither work then it's no hardship as they don't have to rush back to get to work. Remind them that it was Mums choice to move the children's schools so it's her responsibility to get them there not yours. If you work then use that to not do it too. You'd be rushing a 3 hour round trip then rushing to get to your job & it wouldn't work. Who'll be collecting the kids from school at the end of the day?

Bio mum is an entitled bitch who sees it as someone else's responsibility to look after her own kids. Crappie parent.

Makes me wonder if bio Mum didn't do this on purpose just to cause friction. I can't believe she hadn't taken account of the transport aspect. When exes team up wiith MIL, they can make a formidable joint front. Despite that, can't understand why you say you would be OK with this if you were married. Single or married, 3 hours a day is not the kind of thing you donate!

If the mum is the one having chosen these schools that are far away she can do the driving as well. Since she's not working she has the time to take her DC to schools of her choice. Is she doesn't want to then DH can say they will need to change schools so they will be closer so they could go by themselves/ paying someone to accompany them. OP you are not responsible. Just say no way, not happening and let them figure it out. I wouldn't do this for my own children unless there was no alternative so you are definitely not unreasonable !

Logical for the dad to have discussed the intention to change schools that involve longer commute first with the Op and asking her input, rather than assuming that she would continue the school run under these changed circumstances. Then he could have added to the conversation with the mum that it would not be feasible before any decisions were made.

If the mum and dad each have the children 50% of the time, then it would have been a decision they both made in consultation with each other. It was up to the dad to consult with his partner and then communicate with the mum that this arrangement will not work for us.

Or, if it is really that important to his kids to go to these schools then it is up to him to decide what sacrifices he is prepared to make for them. One sacrifice he could make is hire a nanny to do the school run. Many working parents actually do this.

This with bells on. Not your problem.

Let them find a nice, before-school childminder near their school, then he can get them up, get them ready and drop them off. The local authority should have lists. You could find them a list.

Which bitches? What?

This! If it’s so important that they go to these particular schools I’m sure it’s important enough for her to sort transport.

Yes but OP first post seemed to suggest that BF took them to school before he took a job with a major pay rise so the easiest solution in my mind is that the pay rise could be used for this.

It's one thing feeling put out by the requests, but to call your partner's mother and his kids mother names isn't on.

Does he know you refer to them as such?

Decline if you can't do it and he can sort it on his days or change schools if it's not doable.

If you were being asked to drop the kids a 10 min walk away at the same school on nights they stay - then that would seem reasonable as a family unit. It's total madness to enrol kids in different schools, as well as schools far away.

I wouldn't do a 3 hour round trip for my own child, who I adore, because I don't think any school would be worth it. Even if mum or grandma wanted to do it, I would not think it would be In the best interests of the kids to spend presumably 1.5 hours minimum in cars each day. Just because I'm nosy, can you explain the times for the route expected please? 3 hours is such a long time.

For the love of God, why are some women such mugs? The only reasonable answer to that utterly ridiculous assumption that you are going to drive your boyfriend's kids in a 3 hour round trip because... because of what exactly? Is laughing.

Which is exactly what I would do. Laugh out loud, look at them as if they were a very strange but interesting new class of bug I had just found and go on with my day. I would not even dignify the concept with an answer.

The kids have a mum and a dad. Neither of them are you.

I really want to know what dad’s plans were for getting the kids to school before the school change. How was he going to manage even a closer school with the new job?

Was it a surprise?

OP says they have the kids half the time, week on week off. How have they had their schools changed without their dad even knowing? And why isn’t that the first issue here?

Was your boyfriend involved in the decision making for the school?
What would he do if your working hours changed? How would this work when your own child starts school? Has he thought about any of this?

OP says previously she took them to school locally, so logical to think she would continue to do this so he could take the job with the pay rise. Then mum sprang the surprise on them about the new schools.

Except that they have 50/50 custody.

What does the kids dad think should happen?

Not that this would change my thinking (def in camp YANBU ) but are you expected to be taking the kids to school every day or on the days they are with you and BF?

3 hour round trip is abit much ill be honest but I don't see what being married has a single damn thing to do with it to be honest.