Did your parents hug you and tell you they loved you as a child?

Mine hugged me, but did not often say they loved me - if they did it would have been in the context of a serious talk of some kind. I never doubted that they loved me. But I grew up not really realising that you could say this in a casual, everyday kind of way - to me it was only for romantic and/or serious situations. I had my eyes opened when I first heard DH casually saying 'love you' to his mum and sister at the end of a call.

My parents didn't say it and still don't. Hugs were brought in by me when I was little. Weird 80s/ 90s emotionless parents. Ah well.

Both my parents didn't hug me or say they actually loved me, my mum gave me affection though and I felt she cared a lot, my dad on the other hand was an emotionless prick.

A few months after my mum died, he got remarried (i know), i told him my concerns and he got aggressive with me, we've not spoken since.

My mum wasn’t affectionate. She started hugging a few years after separating from my step dad (I was already an adult). It was odd though. Like she didn’t know how to do it. I’m certain that she only started hugging me because she had no other physical contact with anyone.

If it’s any consolation, I was hugged loads as a kid and I’m still a very anxious, awkward, worried person.

No I cannot remember a single time my parents telling me they loved me as a child. My dad always struggled to express his emotions, but I didn’t doubt he loved me. My mum had a lot of mental health struggles when I was a child, and if anyone asks me about my childhood I automatically think back to the bad times. I have memories of feeling unloved, even if that’s not necessarily true, in those moments I felt that way. I don’t hold it against my mother, she was unwell and back in the 80’s being mentally unwell wasnt something you advertised. If it was now she would have got more help. But I digress, no I wasn’t told I was loved. I never felt that my mum was ever proud of me either.

I'm exactly the same - my parents have never hugged or kissed me, or told me they loved me (I know they do, just never expressed it in that way). In fact, I've never, ever seen them be affectionate with each other either. I suspect I learned same behaviour from them, because I've never been comfortable with hugs and kisses as casual greetings etc either. Took me a long while to be affectionate with partners too, it just doesn't come naturally to me.

My dd hugs my dc now, but my dm doesn't.

I always associated it with American TV/movies, I’d never heard any adult tell their children they loved them outside of that. Not just in my family but in general. I think it’s a more recent cultural shift.

My family are very affectionate and we were hugged and kissed as a child. My mum and dad did say they loved us but not all the time/every day. But we knew we were loved.

Just having a think. Other ways I think it has affected me long-term:

• imposter syndrome at work, never really feeling good enough
• not liking or ever initiating hugs when seeing friends (they now just know not to hug me as I’m so awkward)!
• not affectionate with my husband. He will hug me, try to kiss me etc at least once a day, sometimes for a while as a joke etc and it’s got to the stage that I just constantly brush it off and try to get away. I hate that I just don’t know how to be affectionate day to day 🙈
• Anxiety around a lot of things, I worry about everything
• im not an upbeat or bubbly person asking people how they are etc. I always keep myself to myself and I’m fairly reserved. I’m always jealous of people who are so upbeat and loud because I just don’t have it in me

Never. I remember the first time my mum voluntarily hugged me was when she dropped me off to uni at 18. I now make a point of hugging ds and telling him I love him and all the things that are awesome about him every day.

Yes, both my parents were big on hugs, kisses and telling us they loved us - but their parents were all like that too. My whole family is noisy, warm and affectionate, in a way I associate very much with our particular background (working class Londoners).

However, my uncle’s wife came from a very cold, stiff, much more middle-class family and admitted that when she first met our family in the 1960s she was basically terrified of everyone, and thought it was weird that everyone hugged the kids in the family all the time. She has told us since that she came to be really glad we were like that because she’d never have been as affectionate with her own kids if she hadn’t seen that behaviour modelled by our family.

Edited to add: I am actually not keen on being hugged by anyone I’m not close to. Family and closest mates only, people I get a warm vibe from.

Nope.

Emotionally closed off, completely non-demonstrative people.

DH comes from a very huggy family, but it's completely sincere.

The only person I am comfortable hugging is my husband. Everyone else feels forced and fake. I absolutely loathe being touched / hugged / kissed by friends, colleagues etc.

My old boss gave us all a hug and kisses on the cheeks when he left a few months and my reaction was visceral.

Nah my mum was never very huggy and I don’t remember her ever saying the words ‘I love you’. But I did feel loved as she showed her love in other ways. It affected me in that still now I find it awkward to hug my mum too much or tell her I love her although I do try and she seems awkward with it but does try too. But i have absolutely no barriers to telling DD, DP or my brothers i love them and hugging the shit out of them. In fact, I probably over compensate! But they seem just as ease doing it back. Cycle broken I guess.

Yes.

No neither of them, they have never paid me a compliment or managed to be interested in me either took me until I was in my thirties to realise that it wasn’t my fault as I grew up thinking there was something wrong with me and it was my fault

No not that I remember, I don’t remember any of my friends families hugging or telling their kids they loved them. I feel like it’s more of a modern thing. I do find hugging awkward because I am not used to it, so never know how to react.

Nope never but I tell our kids constantly

No.

No, no hugs or telling me they loved me at all. In fact they made sure that I knew they didn't love me. I felt guilty for costing them money to clothe and feed. I have no self esteem.

Well I grew up in a dysfunctional family set up. Have never heard my mother say she loved me (dead now 9 years so won't ever) nor stepdad my father after my mum died I specifically said it.to him not wanting him to die without saying it and he replied.. "I do you too..I do all you kids" ...

Hugs I got from both parents but not daily or even every time I saw my dad (they divorced when I was 5) my mother's hugs were very conditional only if she was in a good mood.
Did it mess me up?

Idk if it was the lack of saying i love you or the conditional hugs.. a lot of other stuff occurred I suspect was more at fault. Growing up balanced is not dependent on those things if you are made to feel loved in other ways it's likely not damaging.

I've spent a lot of years in therapy and I don't feel what messed me up was those two things. It was the favouring of my siblings by both parents and the fact they both felt it was acceptable I grew up not allowed to do any extra curricular or have pocket money. Not invited on holidays when other siblings had all that.

I will never understand that. So I don't think I love yous and hugs are depending on you not being screwed up.. you can get plenty of those but lots of toxic behaviours in other ways and still end up screwed up

I felt loved as a child but there was no physical affection. And now as an adult I am finding that hard.
I lost my gran last year and I struggled so much more because I was craving physical affection for comfort (but at the same time know I wouldn’t have accepted it from family - not after all this time, it would be weird). I used to wrap myself up tight to sleep and imagine someone gently rubbing me on the back to comfort me.
Still grieving. And it only feels not weird being hugged tightly by two people and neither are family.

This situation aside, I have been able to relate to a partner physically in the past. But not as much as he would have wanted.

My parents were abusive so no

This is totally me. Both parents were different but neither said they loved me or physically showed affection. They still don’t. I knew they loved me or could assume they did as they did a lot of practical things for me that took a lot of time and showed they cared but it’s not until I’ve been an adult and had issues around self esteem and anxiety that I’ve started to pin point it on that.

It’s weird because I have young kids now and my parents are affectionate with them but still haven’t actually heard my dad say love you to either of them

My DM and DF weren’t big on hugs and telling us they loved us. Weird though, we always knew we were loved, we always felt loved.
It didn’t affect our relationship with them at all. DF passed away about 3 years ago and we’re very, very close to DM. She’s one of my favourite people to spend time with,