Did your parents hug you and tell you they loved you as a child?

no

I'm not sure the hugs or lacktherof was the thing that messed me up but it likely didn't help. We didn't cuddle much as a family, and when we did I was quickly hyper aware that I'd exposed a vulnerability somehow by wanting that connection. I was very young when I realised that if mum and I didn't hug that when she was later mean to me it wouldn't hurt so much. I don't think I was double figures.

I'm still not demonstrative, and find it hard to be physically affectionate with people unless there's a strong emotional connection and a lot of trust. Made living with toddlers very tricky as my go to was to shut down when they're being terrorists which then leads to them doubling down on the attention seeking behaviours as they are craving attachment which was the thing I naturally withdraw when I don't feel comfortable...nightmare circle right there!!! I have to remind myself often to make an effort to hug and kiss the children whilst they're small enough to let me at least! Feels like a far healthier thing to not see affection as a potential weapon so trying not to pass on that one!

Lots of affection - physical & verbal - from both my parents & my maternal grandmother (my maternal grandfather died before I was born). My paternal grandparents would hug me, stroke my hair, have me sit on their lap when I was a baby/toddler - but they weren’t so comfortable with verbalising their love: never did I doubt how much I was loved, but after my grandad died, granny started saying “I love you” & it sounded/felt strange & awkward.

What I didn’t hear from my father until I was almost 20 was “I’m proud of you”. He now makes a conscious effort to tell me, because he’d never realised I might need to hear it. He thought it was obvious. This, from the man who read Roger McGough’s The Railings at his father’s funeral…

I think you can absolutely know you are loved without hearing the words/being hugged & kissed. My paternal grandmother wasn’t very “huggy” (I didn’t just inherit her red-in-summer hair…) but I knew, always & completely, that she loved me. I also think [grand]parents can be very demonstrative but not truly loving; & that will be damaging too.

This question has been asked so many times on MN .Different families have different ways of showing they love and care. My parents were not demonstrative but I definitely felt loved.
Our children know that we love them but interestingly only one out of my three like to be hugged .I don't finish every conversation telling them I love them because it is so obvious that I do .

My parents were not perfect but affectionate - their own role models of parenting were pretty poor, so I know they were doing their best while dealing with their own trauma. I hug and kiss my Mum at the beginning and end of each visit and often hugged my Dad when he was alive. When he was ill with cancer, we'd often hold hands, even while it was very difficult to get him to talk about what was going on and how he was feeling.

I hug and kiss my little DD every day and tell her how much I love her.

My Mum did. She was always kissing and hugging us. My Dad didn't really. The first time I clearly remember him telling me he loved me was when I left for Uni, aged 17. He had a very poor family model growing up, though, and I suspect was never told he was loved as a child (grew up in care.)
I have a considerably better relationship with my Mum, but no idea if this is directly relevant.

Never, either of them. Until Mum knew she was months from dying aged 80 (I was 59) and she said to me "I can't die without telling you I love you". I told her I loved her too, hugged her and did so every time I saw her until she died 9 months later.

Yes both my mum and dad were up until I was an adult then I lost my mum.
I'm very affectionate with my children

My mum was very affectionate, my dad gave hugs too but I don't recall either of them saying they loved me. I know they did but they showed it rather than saying it.
I hug and kiss my kids loads. DD1 always says love you when she goes out or is talking to me on the phone.
DH is okay with hugging the kids but he doesn't do it as much as I do. Then again in 20 years I have never seen him hug or kiss his mum, even when his dad died.

Nope my parents were not huggy people at all. I don't remember being hugged/kissed or told that they love me ever.
They are more tactile with my kids and will hug them but still don't say they love them. Even when my children say "love you Nanna/Grandad" they don't say it back 😔

Same here. I was more likely to be hit than get a hug. LOL

I feel like there are generational and cultural differences with this which I think can be judged unfairly. I imagine my parents weren’t hugged and kissed regularly so didn’t learn to do that with their children.

Not that I remember although my mum says she was always hugging me when I was little. I saw some old photos recently of me on my dads knee when I was a kid-I forgot all this stuff and it made me think aw they were loving really it's just I don't remember it.

I think if I'd have been a really affectionate kid they would've been fine with it and done the same but I wasn't at all. My great uncle would kiss you on the cheek and I'd dread seeing him I felt so awkward about it.

We have never once said I love you, I wrote it in a card once to my mum (always been better at writing my feelings) but it makes me cringe thinking about it! She might've hugged me when my grandad died but that's it. My gran would hug me, but I never saw her hug my mum for some reason. I made sure I hugged my nan more when I knew she didn't have long left as it'd been a while since we'd hugged and I didn't wanna regret not doing it. Always been super close to my parents and grandparents, talk about anything with my mum-we're just not very demonstrative.

I do have some issues-depression etc. but I doubt I could blame it on lack of family affection! Although tbh my parents weren't the "we're so proud of you" type either (my mum recently said " there probably wasn't much to be proud of"-the harshest thing she's ever said to me, she doesn't usually say things like that) I do struggle with low self-esteem...

No, neither of my parents ever really told me they loved me and I don't remember ever being hugged. From around age 6 I can remember my mother would actually actively tell me that having me had ruined her life. Dad was a bit more affectionate when I was young but our relationship was bad once I got to teens. He had/has other serious MH issues that make him lash out and act extremely critically and un aware of how others feel. Yes I think it can be damaging to not be told you're loved and to have affection as a child. I think the extent depends if the child feels loved and appreciated, in my case not only did they lack affection but were highly critical and I think it can make you vulnerable and turn to the wrong places to feel loved. I was lucky enough to escape an abusive relationship, met an amazing and supportive man who makes me feel so loved every day. He also didn't have much affection growing up. We hug and tell our two young DS every day that we love them. No family is perfect but I hope my children will have a good start in life feeling they are loved and supported.

No

Mine often did in public, it was always a happy loving family charade, as behind closed doors they’d sooner hit us than look at us. I had to play along or I’d get a belting.

Public displays of affection give me the shivers.

But, yes, parents can mess you up in all different ways!

Yes and we still give a hug and kiss and say we love each other now.

My parents did show lots of affection and reassurances of love towards us when we were kids. It came more naturally to my dad as his parents were also loving. My mum tends to love bomb us all, I guess to overcompensate for never having any of it from her own parents. It really did fuck her up that her dad never once told her he loved her. She tells me often.

Despite having grown up in a totally non-demonstrative environment, I am now a pretty huggy adult. I hug my kids, I hug my friends, I hug my sisters and my nieces, and I hug work colleagues too when appropriate. I've been known to greet a stranger with a hug if it feels right.

I really don’t remember, I don’t think they did, but I did feel loved.

Born in 1970. My parents never hugged me or kissed me or any kind of affection.

I would be affectionate with my older children, but they hate to be kissed and hugged. So i don't, at their request.

My dad told me he loved me every day of my life. My mum never did. I actually had to ask her if she loved me when my dad died as i genuinley didn't know. Turns out that all sorts of crazy stuff happened in her upbringing that she didn't actually know how to say the words. It's pretty sad really.

This 100% although I'm blaming the Aussies. 😜

I started work in the mid 90s, and someone made comment about how weird it was in Aussie soaps that they all hugged each other all the time.

It's definitely a cultural change since the 90s, Home n Away & Neighbours.

No, my parents weren’t demonstrative in their affection but I knew/know they love me. They just weren’t huggers. I get a hug from my mum as an adult, but the only time I actually remember hugging her as a child was when my grandpa died. I’ve never hugged my dad. But their love is clear to see, regardless, so it’s never bothered me.

My mum did. And aunties and gparents.But no one really expected dads to.

I shied away from it all when I got to my teens. Just didn't like it.
I've always been physically affectionate with my dc, but Ds doesn't like physical contact at all, which makes me quite (hypocritically) sad. Dd is more huggy, but she's stopped saying I love you.