SIL wants holiday updates

Whatever her intentions are it’s very annoying when someone demands holiday reports and pics from you.
I don’t like it personally. I had this problem with loving relatives but I moved to short txts : we are ok, too busy to take pics, love you, bye. and they got the hint.
With not nice relatives I would cut out “ love you” and move to very short txts: we are ok, just busy, bye.
I don’t like to give out many details to people who are not nice to me. I know it sounds funny but it’s spoiling my fun for some reason. I wouldn’t want them to know anything apart from very generic facts, and definitely very generic pics.

You ask your dh if he’s deliberately trying to spoil your holiday, and tell him not to mention her again.

Would you really? An auntie who badmouthed you to your child and behaved like an asshole to you? Don’t think you’d love it much at all actually.

You're giving her way too much headspace on your holiday. Tell your DH you muted the chat for a reason and you don't want to hear any more about it. Job done.

I am guessing that she resents you for taking her brother away from her and that that was the basis of her previous interference trying to split you up.

And now she can't bear the idea that he is doing something without her and she doesn't know what. Hence the insistence on so many updates.

She's not trying to build bridges, she's trying to prove that he can't go a day (or an hour) without thinking about her, and making sure you can't have him all to yourself.

If I'm right, and I accept it's a big if, then your problems with her haven't really gone away, but you and DH have tried to shove it under the carpet. Maybe you need to revisit a discussion about your relationship with DH and his with her. And if he won't stand up to her then it may be time to revisit the divorce discussion too.

Ignore or leave it to your DH.

If DH keeps harping on about her begging for updates, why doesn’t he just update her then? Why is this an issue for you? Or are you telling him not to do it because you don’t want her “accessing your life?”

She's only doing it to wind you up so don't give her any attention back and tell dh you don't want any updates on her or her shinnanigans.

Or you could just ignore it, it only has to be a thing if you make it one she can't control how you feel about something that is on you to own

Perhaps you'd feel ok if he updated her a few times a week with a bland message such as "we've had a few pool days and DC is building confidence in the water" or "went sightseeing and thought Salisbury Cathedral was spectacular". Accompanied by a few snaps.

It would be none of the OP's business if he chose to update his sister.

Plus, he just needs to stop winding her up by telling her about the messages.

She's not the one reading them, he is and then he's telling her all about them.

I can see where you're coming from OP, and understand why it's annoying you.

You're on holiday with your DH and DC. A time to switch off from normal life and concentrate on the 3 of you. Particularly if things have been difficult recently.

If I were you, I'd explain that you feel as though your SIL is far too invested in your holiday.

Perhaps you'd feel ok if he updated her a few times a week with a bland message such as "we've had a few pool days and DC is building confidence in the water" or "went sightseeing and thought Salisbury Cathedral was spectacular". Accompanied by a few snaps.

Your feelings around SIL and her involvement in your marriage clearly aren't resolved and this level of interaction while on holiday isn't helping.

She's DHs sister so it's his problem! If he chooses to bend to her will, let him get on with it - you can just ignore. Tell him you don't want to hear any more about it 🤷‍♀️

These types of ppl that cause so much trouble that a couple nearly divorce very rarely care about the kids.. if they did, if they were an 'auntie who is invested' as you say they wouldn't be making the kids parents nearly divorce. Stop being so utterly ridiculous.

Of course you'd be unreasonable to say fuck off, because that's just going to cause drama and you know it. Just mute the group, let DH deal with it. I honestly think you sound very over dramatic, stop reading it and enjoy your holiday.

You never know who might see photos and then know you are on holiday. Lovely advert to say house is unoccupied.

Send them when you get home.

Agree with your DH that you mute the chat for the holiday.

Agreed.

As an asides, I've seen quite a lot of 'holiday photos' that are really just a series of selfies.
If someone had done that and passed them round in 1985, people would think they'd taken leave of their senses.

Maybe she's asking because she's sorry for messing up whatever it was in the past and wants to show how keen she is on what her nieces/nephews are doing.

Ignore.
This is for DH to deal with. If he mentions it tell him you don't want to know thank you.

Don't get worked up over some relative of his. You're looking for trouble if you get involved. Step away. It's a non event. His issue not yours. Enjoy your holiday. Life's too short.

You could just send her really dull, boring photos and I'm sure she'll soon stop asking

Just text her in that chat "we are enjoying ourselves and cannot find time to post constant updates to you. #liveinthemoment".
She is just poking to find something wrong on your holiday so she can go full bitch mode. Shut her down.

Why is he winding you up by telling you all this?

Just tell him to stick a sock in it and enjoy your holiday.

People went on holiday before social media. It was nice--a few postcards to the immediate family and then peace the rest of the time. We actually looked at the sunset instead of turning away from it to get yet another selfie.

I digress, but my point is that nobody needs photos of someone else's holiday.

So your issue is her thinking she has the right to know what you guys are up to, not that she’s bothering you personally, because she’s not even messaging you?

Surely it’s up to your DH whether he thinks his sister is close family enough to have updates?

I’d be pissed if my DH told me not to message my sister. Unless she’s done something so terrible that DH shouldn’t speak to her at all?

This, in spades!

This is genius!