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AIBU?

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Original poster

Treating grand children fairly?

111 replies

Tryintoparent · 26/08/2024 20:20

MIL has 5 grandchildren in total. A day out was planned to a funfair for all of them.
Two of the grand kids were unwell on the day so couldn’t go.
MIL gave the 3 ‘well’ children £20 each to spend at the funfair. The question is, should she have given £20 to the other two as well who were unwell?

YABU - she shouldn’t have given the two unwell kids money as it was given to spend at the fair.

YANBU - all of the kids should’ve been treated the same and all given £20 each

OP posts:
WhamBamThankU · 26/08/2024 23:12

lol. You cannot be serious.

Fourecks · 26/08/2024 23:10

The grandchildren were treated fairly - they were all invited to go. It's not the grandmother's fault that two of them were sick.

It would be nice if she took the two sick kids on a separate outing but she's not obliged to.

As for the money, it was given as part of the outing. Anyone who is suggesting that she should have also given the sick kids money sounds very grasping. Most kids would be disappointed at missing out on the fun with family, not about the money which would have been spent at the fair.

Fintoo · 26/08/2024 23:08

Bonkers!

StormingNorman · 26/08/2024 23:04

The money facilitated the day out. She’s not a cash machine!

SemperIdem · 26/08/2024 22:56

What a bizarre way of thinking.

Holidayhell22 · 26/08/2024 22:56

Very good of mil to do that.
No, she doesn’t have to give the sick children money either.

buckeejit · 26/08/2024 22:55

No, that's mad. Yabu. They weren't there so didn't need spending money. Same as she doesn't need to work out what other expenses she incurred on petrol, admission, snacks etc

Namenamchange · 26/08/2024 22:52

My mum spends lots more money on my children than my brothers and sil children. Both would say mine are the favourites, but they never bother to the children round there so I’m not sure they have any right to complain. If they took their children round there I’m sure they would get the same.

Ponderingwindow · 26/08/2024 22:43

If the grandmother is not prone to showing favorites, then at some point the grandmother will end up doing something with the other set of children. It will all balance out eventually.

If she has to send out money every time she spends something on one grandchild it is going to get ridiculous very quickly.

DeliciousApples · 26/08/2024 22:40

It would be nice if they could go another time when the kids are well. Problem solved.

PurpleDiva22 · 26/08/2024 21:35

Good grief.... you'll defo be back in years to come discussing the inheritance! 😅

NowImNotDoingIt · 26/08/2024 21:35

YABU.

If she spent the money herself instead buying them food/treats/ice cream should she be expected to pop by with all the same items for the ill DC? Of course not x

Bex5490 · 26/08/2024 21:26

Lol is this a reversed one? Like really you’re shocked that your daughter or daughter in-law would ask for 20 quid for her kids that missed the trip?

If not then YABU

SnapBang · 26/08/2024 21:18

@NoahsTortoise asking for cash when offered a drink?! I’m gobsmacked at that

SnapBang · 26/08/2024 21:15

Absolutely not. How ungrateful of the parents to even think that. The children will presumably all get sick at some point or another and these things even themselves out over time. Plus when mine were small and sick, they had extra attention / TV / a magazine when they felt a bit better anyway. Unless the two children are disabled and there’s a huge back story of them missing out over and over again or something? In which case, perhaps MIL could do something else nice to spend time with them once they’re feeling better. It’s about the thought surely, not the money.

NoahsTortoise · 26/08/2024 20:52

No chance, I hate stuff like this!!

My MIL has 5 grandchildren and the older ones very much have this attitude too, even if, for example, grandparents offer an ice cream/drink on a day out, the ones that don't want it ask if they can't have the money instead?! Bizarre.

As far as I'm concerned, money for souvenirs/treats on days out is for that purpose only. Your MIL is not a cash machine and I'm sure when the unwell children next attend a day out they'll be treated just the same as all the other children. They just happened not to be there on this occasion and so they missed out.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 26/08/2024 20:40

Of course not! What a bizarre way of thinking.

BusyMum47 · 26/08/2024 20:40

No, of course not - they weren't there! It's probably disappointing for the unwell children but that's life - they'll undoubtedly have another trip/treat in the future. Life isn't 'transactional' in that way.

moppety · 26/08/2024 20:39

YABU, it's a very transactional and mercenary way to look at what was a really nice offer. I'm sure she will do something else with those who missed out in the future, but if you start taking note of who got £20 when and who didn't, that way madness lies.

Starseeking · 26/08/2024 20:39

No, of course she shouldn't, it would be ridiculous because they didn't go to the funfair.

MrsStottlemeyer · 26/08/2024 20:36

YABU it's a transactional way of thinking.

Izzymoon · 26/08/2024 20:34

Does she have to transfer the £3.5 she spent on an ice cream for the kids too??
You’re nuts.

HerewegoagainSS · 26/08/2024 20:33

Are your kids the ill ones by any chance?

Shame for the ones who missed out. Granny is generous to see her money being thrown away on tat at a fairground. Guess she likes gifting the experience.

Crazycatlady79 · 26/08/2024 20:32

Were the unwell duo your DC, by any chance?!
No; she 'should' not have given the sickly pair £20.
Jesus...

Teenagerantruns · 26/08/2024 20:32

No the money was to spend on day out. She can take unwell ones out at a later date if she wants.