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AIBU?

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Original poster

Treating grand children fairly?

111 replies

Tryintoparent · 26/08/2024 20:20

MIL has 5 grandchildren in total. A day out was planned to a funfair for all of them.
Two of the grand kids were unwell on the day so couldn’t go.
MIL gave the 3 ‘well’ children £20 each to spend at the funfair. The question is, should she have given £20 to the other two as well who were unwell?

YABU - she shouldn’t have given the two unwell kids money as it was given to spend at the fair.

YANBU - all of the kids should’ve been treated the same and all given £20 each

OP posts:
Bex5490 · 27/08/2024 08:33

saraclara · 27/08/2024 00:21

How can it be a reverse when the OP hasn't said who she is in this story? Most people have jumped to the conclusion that she's the mother of the sick kids, but she hasn't said that.

Show quote history

I guess it was implied by the structure of the YABU/ YANBU.

If she was the MIL or mum of ‘sick kids’ it would be the opposite way round.

Tourmalines · 27/08/2024 01:28

My lord, what a grabby way of thinking .

Sweetteaplease · 27/08/2024 01:22

ChickenandaCanofCoke · 26/08/2024 20:21

No, she didn't need to give the kids who weren't there £20 ffs.

Agree. Get a grip

Daltonbear1 · 27/08/2024 01:15

Why are so many on here materialistic ? Different times I guess but seriously ut was given obv to spend at funfair as not cheap.

Rachie1973 · 27/08/2024 01:13

Jeez. I have 10, soon to be 12 grandchildren. They all get different bits at different times. Some get more probably because they live locally and I see them more so an odd bag of sweets or a magazine.

The others get treated as well but at different times. One of the oldest ones is an extremely talented gymnast and we’ve helped out with equipment etc as needed.

We’ve bought school uniform for struggling parents at times.

I have 2 that I have custody of so they clearly get a lot more.

None of my kids or in law kids adds up the spends.

Sometimeswinning · 27/08/2024 01:05

Really need to appreciate my parents more! They would, without a doubt give my kids the same. It wouldn’t even be a question. Sorry for those of you who have missed out on this. My parents are just really fair when it comes to their children/grandchildren. What one gets the others get.

IReallyStillCantBeBothered · 27/08/2024 00:51

Seriously??? Unless it’s a reverse then whoever is asking is ridiculous.

saraclara · 27/08/2024 00:30

If she then takes the sick ones out when they're better, would she have to give the other three £20 on that occasion too ? Because then the whole venture will have cost her double what the intended trip would have. Which is really unfair on her

No. These things balance out in the end.

pizzaHeart · 27/08/2024 00:25

GRex · 26/08/2024 20:27

I would think most grandmothers would take the poorly ones out for a different treat some other time in coming months. That might or might not include being given some money, the equity comes from giving each a treat.

This^

saraclara · 27/08/2024 00:21

Bex5490 · 26/08/2024 21:26

Lol is this a reversed one? Like really you’re shocked that your daughter or daughter in-law would ask for 20 quid for her kids that missed the trip?

If not then YABU

How can it be a reverse when the OP hasn't said who she is in this story? Most people have jumped to the conclusion that she's the mother of the sick kids, but she hasn't said that.

dcsp · 27/08/2024 00:21

The £20 was the cost of the day out at the shows - the kids would spend that going on rides, etc.

If the £20 had instead been spent on admission to zoo/cinema/etc, then no-one would expect those who couldn't attend to get £20!

So the grandparent doesn't owe the other children £20 each to make it fair.

BeaLola · 27/08/2024 00:17

Yes she did treat them all fairly as they were all invited

redtrain123 · 27/08/2024 00:13

No . The money was part of the fun day out.

Leafcutterantsarecool · 27/08/2024 00:09

Are both sick kids from one family and the only children of that family? I can sort of see my kids getting upset if one sibling was sick and the other came home talking of funfairs and £20. I wouldn’t expect Grandma to do anything differently, but I would probably understand why a kid might be upset and think it unfair (not so much the adults).

Otherwise if the disparity doesn’t involve siblings I don’t understand how this even became a topic - my kids wouldn’t have the first clue what their Grandparents spend on their cousins, and nor do I.

Delphiniumandlupins · 26/08/2024 23:55

If the sick kids are taken out for a day trip by MiL, to make up for the funfair, I'm sure she'll give them spending money too. Otherwise she is giving money to all 5 each time she treats one. Would you expect her to also pay money to them all each time she spends on one?

LouH5 · 26/08/2024 23:52

One of the most bonkers posts I’ve seen on here.

If I was the mother of the two sick children it wouldn’t even cross my mind that my ch should get money too. It was spending money for a day out. It’s not “treating the kids unfairly” at all, they were all invited and has they gone, I’m sure they would’ve all got the same.

savethatkitty · 26/08/2024 23:33

Jesus wept. Ofcourse she doesn't have to give $20 to the 2 who were unwell. I'm sure, in time, there will be other GC who miss out for various reasons or another, so it will all even out. Let me guess; you are the parent of the 2 who missed out?

isthatmyage · 26/08/2024 23:32

Tryintoparent · 26/08/2024 20:20

MIL has 5 grandchildren in total. A day out was planned to a funfair for all of them.
Two of the grand kids were unwell on the day so couldn’t go.
MIL gave the 3 ‘well’ children £20 each to spend at the funfair. The question is, should she have given £20 to the other two as well who were unwell?

YABU - she shouldn’t have given the two unwell kids money as it was given to spend at the fair.

YANBU - all of the kids should’ve been treated the same and all given £20 each

OP I think you really need to rethink your priorities 🤣 oh and chill 😊

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 26/08/2024 23:27

I can't believe that's even a question 😂

Ozanj · 26/08/2024 23:26

Lol my mil would require a doctors note before she caved to such an unreasonable demand.

SonicTheHodgeheg · 26/08/2024 23:22

Are the 2 sick children from the same family ? How old are they ?
I’m wondering if the kids know that their cousin or sibling got £20 and if they are an age where you’d spend £20 on them- a baby wouldn’t have had £20 spent on them

kwetu · 26/08/2024 23:18

Going against the grain here, I guarantee that my parents would always give equally to all the grandchildren/great grandchildren even in their absence, though this is never asked for or expected.

BarbaraHoward · 26/08/2024 23:15

I don't know if you're the MIL, mother of the sick kids or the SIL, but regardless I'm cringing myself inside out at the thought of thinking this much about twenty quid from granny.

xyz111 · 26/08/2024 23:14

No she shouldn't have. How ridiculous.

Edingril · 26/08/2024 23:14

No the idea is ridiculous