Treating grand children fairly?

But surely what is not fair here is the lack of time/experiences with granny not the money. And OP granny wanted to take them all - they just happened to be sick.

Yabu,

No! They're not entitled to anything.

Granny will, I'm sure, have some time with the two kids who missed out another time.

Do you like your MIL?

This!! It doesn't always even itself out when my MIL doesn't do anything with my kids. Instead, I hear about all the lovely days out she's been on with her other grandson and have to pretend how wonderful it is. If anything is mentioned we're grabby. It's toxic bullshit.

How ridiculous, the money was to spend at the fair.

If the others had been there, they'd have been given money to spend at the fair too.

They weren't at the fair so they didn't need money for rides etc, end of story.

This is reversed and you're my MIL aren't you?! She spends a fortune taking her grandson out (a theme park for his birthday last week) and then makes a snide remark to my husband asking whether he wants her to transfer the equivalent money to him for our children.

The difference in my circ is that my MIL never 'makes it up' with a special treat for my children, birthdays, or any other time of the year. She took her other grandson to the theatre last year at Christmas. Were my children invited? No. Did she do anything special with us that Christmas? No. She simply doesn't want to spend time with my children and that's where it hurts. It's not about the money.

In fact, she said to my husband on the phone last week that she's 'tired of all this equality'. Her exact words.

No of course not!

This. Bloody cheeky to even think this. I think this is why there's so many strained relationships today, the utter cheek and greed from people.

The kids were ill, not their fault but your MIL doesn't need to make up for this.

So your children are £20 short of the others?

Absolutely not. I hate that way of thinking. It was very nice of MIL to give money for rides etc, no she absolutely shouldn’t just be giving other kids money to make it equal. If you think like that (which you clearly do) give your head a wobble

I imagine it's the parents kicking off and they're so grabby it's unbelievable.

no. entitled

@saraclara "How can it be a reverse when the OP hasn't said who she is in this story?"

Hmm. I would bet £20 for charity that I know!

My dad would've disagreed ! He passed away last year at the age of 92... and he was a real stickler for all 4 grandchildren being treated the same . The poorly ones would definitely have got £20

Children who didn’t go to the fair didn’t need spending money for the fair.

Would it make a difference if the grandparents spent £60 by handing it over directly to people at the fair rather than putting £20 in each child’s hand?

It was money for the fair.

God, I hate tally keeping. So mean spirited and depressing.

What?! Of course she doesn't need to give the others money too. Totally bizarre

They didn't come home with £20 though the money was to spend at the fair

Unfortunately it just doesn’t work like that.

my own mother spends literally thousands £ a year on days out with ‘the other’ grandchildren, my brothers DC because they live closer. Mine get nothing.

That sounds like something one of my children would ask. If they get so much as a sniff of a sibling having any amount spent on them, it’s noted and commented on! It’s enormously frustrating.

Swings and roundabouts, it all evens out in the end. I may not in that moment calculate how much more I have spent on that child and dish it out to the others, but all my children are treated fairly.

It's up to her but there was no obligation to give the ones who didn't go anything.
It was a day out for all the grandchildren, two couldn't go but that's not the grandmother's fault. The money was part of the day out.
Maybe she will treat the ones who couldn't go to a day out another time but it's ridiculous to say she should compensate them now by giving them money. Unless it's something she chooses to do

Of course not, YABU. The money was for the fair.

What a strangely transactional relationship that sounds.

And I feel sorry for you all viewing value in monetary and mercenary terms like that 🤷‍♀️ If a grandparent has one child for a day and buys them a magazine and a small toy, do they have to go home and transfer all the other grandkids £10? Or is it more likely that at some point the other grandkids will get similar treatment and these things even out in the long term? (Talking about in value of experiences and time, not financially).

When you boil stuff down to transactional stuff like this is really kills the spirit of what was done in the first place and is, to use a MN favourite, grabby in the extreme. Taking all the grandkids for a day out is a generous thing and it's likely not an isolated occasion but is born of grandparents who are generous with their time for their grandchildren, so I imagine the kids who miss out this time will get their treat in the future without having to be bunged £20 to even some sort of imaginary scales. When you view stuff like this, it says a lot about what you actually place value on.

Sad,