To not want to go on a 'surprise' forced holiday with MIL and 3 Nephews

It’s just a couple of days.
You need to think of your dh. Do you really want to make things difficult for him with his family for the sake of one weekend per year?
Suck it up and do it with a good heart.
If you go into it with a more positive mindset, you might actually enjoy yourself.

Can you not just go Saturday and come back Sunday after lunch? Surely that can’t be so bad. You’ll hurt people’s feelings, which only you know if it’s really worth it.

Key differences being ‘Volunteer’ and ‘Forced’

You're just going to have to be honest and say you don't really enjoy the big family holidays, you work hard and want to be able to relax in your time off. Your MIL won't like it but the only other alternative is to suck it up and go! You could suggest a separate trip with MIL, city break just with you and DH?

YANBU. Up to your DH to say really, but he should tell his mum it's just not for you. I wouldn't expect family to come on my DC-centred kids holidays. They sound hellish

No it doesn't. It equates to deciding what you enjoy, what you will do for good manners and how often/frequently you will do it and what you will let hell freeze over before you do.... and expecting your feelings and wishes to be valued equally with other people's. From what the OP has said, they see the family at other times during the year and this particular holiday is VERY child centric.

No way would I attend. People need to realise that not everyone wants to go on holiday with extended family. Good luck to those who do but kids or no kids I’d not entertain it.

I think it's clearly very important to MIL, so for that reason alone I'd still go for the weekend but I would insist on a separate space for you two and the dog. My two dogs got completely overwhelmed on a holiday recently where we shared accomodation as a huge group, and I wouldn't put them through that again. I've already said that if we all go again, we'd find a complex where everyone can have their own spaces.

OP, this sounds exactly like us. Family wanting us to go to child-centric days out and we feel we’re just there to make up numbers. Unfortunately, I think the only way is to be honest. MIL- awkward conversation time, but it’s a lot of money for you to spend and in absolute honesty it’s wasted on us - you go and can we do a brunch the 3 of us at some point.

Yes they’re your family, but that doesn’t mean you have to go on holidays with them.

It's two days, one night staying over? I'm in the camp of 'suck it up' for that length of time. Get someone to dog sit for that weekend. Or go for one day only and drive back late that night because of some other event you can make up - friend's big birthday night or similar that's been arranged since you booked the date.

What is it that makes it so awful? Are the kids that badly behaved? Does MIL insist you all watch Paw Patrol together?

Honestly, I think you need to put your big girl pants on and have an honest conversation with your mil. Tell her that as fond as you are of the kids, as a childless couple, going on these sorts of trips isn't really your thing.That your dog gets stressed out by the kids and you are going to opt out in future, but will see them all at nephews birthday/Sunday lunch /whatever occasion is next!
You are both adults and ought to be able to have an honest conversation.

I don't agree that you should suck it up now if you are planning kids of your own in the future - I guarantee that by the time you might benefit, the bil/sil kids will be older and not into centre parks and they will opt out! Never do anything in the expectation of reward down the line - it rarely pans out!

If you never saw the family, I'd say do one overnight trip, but since you see them regularly, you don't need to do this.
But you do need to bite the bullet and say something because otherwise nothing will change and excuses are just kicking the can down the road.

And good point from @LouH5 about expenses… he can use it too

I hate Centreparcs which probably colours my view here. Also we did ten years of holidays with the inlaws and dh's brother and sister and partners. At least we weren't all in one static caravan. I've had great holidays in caravans and tents but not with the inlaws!

After ten years we finally did say 'I'm really sorry, it's been great but we aren't going to do this any more'. We had the excuse of dh's health but once we were sure what we were going to do, we said it and it was accepted.

There are aunts in my family who like babies and babysit, and there are aunts who like teenagers and produce work experience placements and days out, and aunts who like young adults. You can be an aunt, if you want to, at any age. That's the point of family relationships, they are long term.

in one caravan no way

tell your dp to grow up an say youre not going

By the way you taking a huge interest in your nephews and nieces won’t guarantee that other family members will take later interest in your children… I wouldn’t count on this. MIL will be older so probably less energetic.
So I would just look at this at face value: do you want to go or not? If not, your DH should deal with it. He should call his sister and tell it to her first so she’s not offended. Then he should call his mum and tell her that this year you are not going.
I think your detailed strategy depends on circumstances. If you tell too much in advance it will be the only topic until Christmas. So maybe tell when you asked about dates.
Could he give busy time at work as a reason? E.g You know Mum, I have very busy time at work at the moment and in general it was a very busy year for Terracotta and me we’ve got quite a few things planned so I would rather skip this trip this year.
The key is for him to stay polite and consistently use “I” . It’s my usual strategy for dealing with relatives.

Argh OP I’m on your side, it does not sound fun!

I don’t agree that you should have to “suck it up” especially as it’s not even a free holiday when you factor in paying for your travel and all your expenses whilst you’re there. MIL obviously thinks she’s doing something nice for the family, it’s great for her but it’s a crappy present for you and your partner.

Reading your posts about how bad it was last time and the room situation just adds to how hellish all this seems to be. If you dread it so much you should not have to do it.

But I agree with you- it’s bloody awkward to get out of. Where pretending to be ill is a good
short term solution, it won’t help you next year, and the year after and so on. I think the first thing you need to do is get your partner on your side and go in at this together. At the end of the day, it’s his family, so he needs to speak up. Get him on side and say to MIL before Christmas, that if she’s thinking of doing the family holiday as a gift this year, to count you guys out, as you’d like to go on a holiday just the two of you, and say you can’t afford that alongside the expenses of the family trip. I’m not sure of your situation but could you say you’re saving for a house/wedding/have weddings and hen dos etc to attend, feels like an expensive year ahead etc, so to count you out.

If you do just go Saturday and Sunday that's 48 hours max, just one night . . . . seems a bit churlish not to. To keep relationships going people often have to do stuff that isn't their preference, it's just part of the give and take of family and friendship. You could chose to live entirely self-pleasing lives, but you may well regret it one day, especially if you have children yourself and you and DH are more on the outside of an otherwise close-knit family group.

You tell her no! After this year's disaster you can't afford and don't want to spend your holiday with "the family".

So what if it makes you unpopular, do you really care?!

Goodness me.

Sad you don’t want to spend time with your family.

Why doesn't DH say that instead of doing a group family thing, he'd like to do a one-on-one weekend away with his mum so they get to spend some quality time together.

You get the weekend to yourself, mum gets to spend time with her son (& the rest of the family at a separate time) every one wins.

I Agree

I also work with elderly people and for those who have no family there is quite a lot of stuff that money can't buy like someone to visit you in hospital or check in on you from time to time, put your bins out, fix your washer. I see a lot of nieces and nephews doing this out of duty or out of love and it's obvious which is which. You reap as you sow when it comes to family.

It's an alien concept to me to not be able to find some enjoyment in a weekend with family once a year even if it's not your ideal venue/ set up but I was raised in an extended family set up. Do people really never do anything they find even a tiny bit irksome for the sake of others in this day and age?

Your partner is a wet blanket who should be able to speak to his mum. 'I don't fancy spending leave or my free time doing child centred stuff mum' should be enough. It will likely impact on his relationship with his sibling and the nephews but since you see them so little there probably isn't much of a relationship anyway. It seems his mum just wants her kids together but if you don't fancy it then fair enough. Personally I would work hard to foster family relations but you can do this by meeting up for meals or days out rather than weekends away.

I have 3 kids under 8 so am clearly biased but I think it's sad that your partner isn't interested in his nephews. To me it's just a way to make your life circle more narrow but each to their own.

And you sound like an idiot.

She has every right not to want to go to Center Parcs every year free or not and it's controlling bullies like you that use "free" gifts to force people to do what they don't want to do just because you want it.

If I didn't have children I would have absolutely no reason or desire to spend time at Centre Parcs every year free or not.

I feel sad that the MIL in this scenario wants one weekend a year away with her children to make memories (and will pay for it) and her son doesn’t want to go.
Just be prepared that if he does tell his mum he doesn’t want to go anymore, you might get the blame regardless.