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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to go on a 'surprise' forced holiday with MIL and 3 Nephews

407 replies

terracottafarm · 26/08/2024 19:52

Every Christmas, my MIL 'surprises' us with a weekend getaway, usually to a place like Center Parcs or a similar 'kiddie' destination. The trip includes my MIL, SIL, BIL, and their three children, all under the age of 8. My DH (29) and I (27) don't have children, and we enjoy our life as it is. I don't particularly enjoy these trips, especially since they involve taking 1-2 days of holiday to spend time in a child-centric environment. We have in the past tried to get out of it with annual leave but they always say just come Saturday and Sunday instead. (ARGHHH!)

We also have a dog, and these trips can be quite stressful for us because the kids wind her up, which drives us both crazy. While they are a lovely and supportive family, the idea of spending a weekend with three young children (who, if I’m honest, can be pretty annoying) isn't something I look forward to.

We've gone along with it for the past five years, but I feel like I just can't do it anymore. I know my DH feels similarly, but I'm the one who really dreads it. I'm not sure how to tell my MIL that I simply don't want to go this year without hurting her feelings. Also to note, we do not see his nephews a lot, maybe once every two months as we aren't interested in children. Awful I know!

AIBU to not want to do this anymore? And how on earth do I or DH approach this with my MIL? She is borderline obsessed with her grandchildren and will get upset...

OP posts:
Olika · 26/08/2024 20:36

If neither your DH or you want to go then your DH needs to just say we are not joining this year and that is that. Why isn't he able to stand up for himself and his wife. You are both adults, start being assertive.

godmum56 · 26/08/2024 20:36

When we first got our own house, we said politely to both sides of the family that we would be spending christmasses in our own home together. For many years because of DH's job we had been in short term rentals because we out of the country a lot but we always spent christmas at one or the other lots of parents. It wasn't received with cries of joy from Mil but she got over it. We made sure we visited as frequently as ever or she would come to us and we stayed calm polite and firm about it BUT it has to be a joint effort.

Original poster
terracottafarm · 26/08/2024 20:35

Oldfatandfrumpy · 26/08/2024 20:33

YES THIS IS ME! That was for the one this year. It was AWFUL.

Oh god, are you the one where it was decided by MiL that your DP was going to share with the nephews because they wanted to? That was bloody ridiculous, what happened in the end?

Tbh, I'd get DP to say to his mum that after what happened this year you are bowing out of the family trip for a few years

Yes, that was indeed us! We arrived and I told MIL we weren't sharing a room with the kids 'jokingly' and she said don't worry they are staying with me and SIL (thank god). The dog barked the entire time, the kids wound her up and we were limited to where we could and couldn't go because of the dog. We couldn't wait to get home...

OP posts:
MeridianB · 26/08/2024 20:33

Is your MIL lonely and this is a big treat she looks forward to - all her family together?

Probablyfinebutworried · 26/08/2024 20:33

UnnecessaryOwl · 26/08/2024 20:25

There isn’t anything wrong with OP FFS, she’s been on 5 holidays that she didn’t want to go on already and now a 6th looms!

Not everyone enjoys the same things and OP doesn’t deserve to be spoken to like you just did because you don’t agree with that.

A ‘forced holiday’ is no holiday, for anyone.

Show quote history

It's TWO DAYS! People are acting like they're going on a three week trip with them! Arrive at lunchtime, take the kids to the pool have dinner once they're in bed go for a walk and roast on Sunday and then f off home. MIL doesn't feel hurt, partner doesn't fall put with siblings, it's really not that big a deal.

TwinklyNight · 26/08/2024 20:33

Just say no thanks, we are not interested in going.

Original poster
terracottafarm · 26/08/2024 20:33

Edenmum2 · 26/08/2024 20:31

There's no real way out without offending I don't think, so you need to weigh up how important the relationship is to you.

Could you say you are spending Christmas with your family? Could you say the dog has anxiety and has started getting sick when travelling? Could you say you just need a break from it this year for various reasons but you will look forward to it next Christmas?

How easy going are your relatives? Will they be super offended?

DH's relatives are pretty chilled. His SIL knows how hard work the kids are and doesn't blame us for not wanting to see the kids every other weekend. It's also not at Christmas time, she will tell us she will be booking something as an Xmas pressie then book it for the following year

OP posts:
pearvines · 26/08/2024 20:33

It's not really up to you to be interested in their children, I suppose, but your DH should be. If you don't see them a lot then hopefully your husband appreciates the limited time with them, so you could just stay away. If it was my husband, I'd be encouraging him to go and maintain a relationship with his family, you can do what you want.

Wasywasydoodah · 26/08/2024 20:33

I’d go over the weekend and say you don’t have enough leave to get time off. Limits your exposure while still taking part. Honestly, these people are your family… unless they’re truly bad people it’s worth the effort.

Oldfatandfrumpy · 26/08/2024 20:33

YES THIS IS ME! That was for the one this year. It was AWFUL.

Oh god, are you the one where it was decided by MiL that your DP was going to share with the nephews because they wanted to? That was bloody ridiculous, what happened in the end?

Tbh, I'd get DP to say to his mum that after what happened this year you are bowing out of the family trip for a few years

NotSureHowToProcess · 26/08/2024 20:33

It’s a weekend. Once a year. Get a grip.

Cautionsharpblade · 26/08/2024 20:32

A trip to Center Parcs with three small kids sounds like my idea of hell. Just be honest and say you don’t like being around children. It works a treat.

Edenmum2 · 26/08/2024 20:31

There's no real way out without offending I don't think, so you need to weigh up how important the relationship is to you.

Could you say you are spending Christmas with your family? Could you say the dog has anxiety and has started getting sick when travelling? Could you say you just need a break from it this year for various reasons but you will look forward to it next Christmas?

How easy going are your relatives? Will they be super offended?

Dotto · 26/08/2024 20:31

terracottafarm · 26/08/2024 20:29

I travel for work a lot last minute so might use that as an excuse... Blush

Show quote history

You shouldn't have to make excuses though. There's absolutely nothing wrong in standing up for yourselves.

Don't pay any attention to the people who seem to be so offended that an auntie doesn't particularly care for this type of enforced "bonding" - they likely have their own issues with the happily child-free.

lovemetomybones · 26/08/2024 20:30

RandomMess · 26/08/2024 20:29

I would go and see MIL and tell her that you aren't going on these trips anymore that more than a day with the DN is too much and not enjoyable.

That's a horrible thing to do.

FictionalCharacter · 26/08/2024 20:30

user47 · 26/08/2024 20:22

FFS what is wrong with you? Children annoy you, a free holiday is inconvenient. You sound like a totally selfish nightmare tbh, most people would love this and be grateful.

No they wouldn't. OP has said it's not free. Not all people want to go on holiday with kids. And MIL chooses the destination and accommodation, which aren't what OP and her husband like.
People who don't have children don't generally choose child-centric holidays.
Not many people I know would be grateful for that.

RandomMess · 26/08/2024 20:29

I would go and see MIL and tell her that you aren't going on these trips anymore that more than a day with the DN is too much and not enjoyable.

Original poster
terracottafarm · 26/08/2024 20:29

BrendaSmall · 26/08/2024 20:27

Have an unfortunate bout of D&V on the Friday night before you’re due to go, so not able to make it!

I travel for work a lot last minute so might use that as an excuse... Blush

OP posts:
lovemetomybones · 26/08/2024 20:29

That's not enough to create a bond. It's really sad you don't see that.

HerewegoagainSS · 26/08/2024 20:29

murasaki · 26/08/2024 20:00

Oh I'm totally the opposite to the pp, you don't want to, so don't. Sounds like hell to me.

I agree with you. Child-centric places are boring as heck and stressful for the poor dog. I can think of a million other things to do with my AL thanks, and better ways to bond with family.

Lindjam · 26/08/2024 20:28

terracottafarm · 26/08/2024 20:16

I just feel like a miserable fanny, because I don't want to spend time with his family. He doesn't see his nephews a lot, but that's his choice not mine.

But he doesn’t want to go either!!!

Hoppinggreen · 26/08/2024 20:28

user47 · 26/08/2024 20:22

FFS what is wrong with you? Children annoy you, a free holiday is inconvenient. You sound like a totally selfish nightmare tbh, most people would love this and be grateful.

Well she doesn't, I wouldn't and neither would some other people.
Why be grateful for something you don't want or enjoy?

BeeCucumber · 26/08/2024 20:27

You are not pathetic or entitled. You don’t have to do something you don’t want to do. Say no thank you and if MIL gets upset - that’s on her. There is nothing worse than forced fun.

Original poster
terracottafarm · 26/08/2024 20:27

lovemetomybones · 26/08/2024 20:26

Ok I'll give you the opposite view to yours. These aren't just any children they are your nieces and nephews. By going away the whole family get an opportunity to spend a weekend together. It's a way to bond with his family.

My brother doesn't bother with his niece and nephew, I imagine because they are young. He sees them about twice a year, never once spent a full day with them, rarely remembers birthdays. So guess what the result is?! They have a limited relationship, with hardly a bond.

Don't be my brother, cherish family and don't resent time spent with them.

We see them on every birthday, Christmas, Easter etc. it's not like we don't see them

OP posts:
meltedchocolateandstrawberries · 26/08/2024 20:27

If you're having to pay out for food, travel expenses etc then just say you can't afford it anymore. Or blame it on the dog, she gets too stressed in unfamiliar environments.