To not want to go on a 'surprise' forced holiday with MIL and 3 Nephews

I think you're going to have to just pull up the old adult socks and tell MIL that you won't be attending this time.

If pressed, just say there's a lot going on workwise so you can't commit to anything.

Don't be pressured by DH either, he needs to find his own backbone.

Can't relate. I had nephew and niece long before I had my own kids and I loved spending time with them. It was always very treasured and looked forward time of year when I got to spend time with them.

Of course, if you don't enjoy their company it's absolutely pointless to go there and bring your negative energy with you. Just decline politely and say you have made alternative plans already.

I would have name changed but my in laws know my thoughts now. 😂

We are the childless couple. OH has a brother and a sister. They have 5 children between them. GP’s love nothing better than renting a big house for a week and expecting everyone to go and have fun.

At first we went for a weekend when it was closer. Thereafter I just refused. Understandably everything is child centric. They want to be up haring round at 7am and out the house for the day by 9am. Communal dinners.

Good for them. Not for me.

It is my idea of hell and we did stop going. OH hated it too. Our idea of a holiday is a very lazy morning with an afternoon outing or sun. We see them all every couple of months anyway. I can’t put myself through it either.

We know we are the odd ones out as no children. But I get 25 days of leave a year and I am with you on this.

We did say, “look we appreciate the offer but we know it’s for the children and we are not enjoying this”

I would rather clean a cesspit than have enforced family time.

Suck it up. It means a lot to your MIL to have her children with her (you’ll probably only really get this if you have children of your own). Book an exercise class when there or go for lots of runs/walks

Is it usual to expect 'a bond' between uncle and 2 small children? Surely at best it's going to be a limited relationship.
Some parents, grandparents really do seem to get tunnel vision when the kids arrive.
OP you have been a saint to stick these holidays so far. All banged up together with someone else's kids sounds very tough indeed.

Oh I’m not sure how to feel about this, I can see how it’s dividing posters! On the one hand I can understand not wanting to do something you actively dislike and are dreading for the sake of pleasing others.

But part of me just finds it a bit sad that people feel this way. I’m only in my 30s but over time I’ve realised how important family and extended family is to me. I do see this attitude on mumsnet a lot, people just wanting to exist in their own small insular unit, refusing Christmas plans with extended family, days out or little breaks even when there’s no real issues. Everything is just ‘please yourself’. People go on about new mums needing ‘a village’ but that mentality seems gone.

I think you are due a year off, but maybe don’t burn your bridges, there’s enough threads on mumsnet about people being left out of family holidays and being offended.
The kids will grow up and it’s nice to be close to your nephews, if you end up not having kids if your own, you might be relying on them in your old age to help you. Or you might just find them lovely interesting people!

I think I'd suck it up for the sake of family unity. So many posts on mn from people feeling left out of family events and trips, and yet here they are so keen to include you that they pay for it and don't book it until you've agreed the dates.

I understand that you're not interested in your nephews but can you really not manage it for a few days, once a year?

Could you compromise and go for fewer days? Just the weekend so you don't have to take annual leave?

I think you'll regret hurting everyone's feelings - because whatever you say will sound like 'we don't want to spend time with you' - and will probably have to eat humble pie in the future when you've got kids and want to join in, or want people to take an interest in your lives.

It won’t be free though by the time annual leave has been used, fuel, drinks / food at Centre Parcs is expensive. Plus combined with nonsense about children dictating who sleeps in which room etc

If OP’s shoes then l wouldn’t go, sounds boring and annoying for her phase of life. I would be polite as possible but honest. Saying you have gone the last five years but want to do something different this year (or next year if it ends up being then).

I take it she's paying for it?

Options:
The dog is getting old and snappy and won't do well with the kids but we'd rather not leave her in kennels in the winter time.

Just as a heads up, I'm planning on surprising DP with a weekend away doing Christmas markets. We won't be able to come this year and if you could avoid inviting us / making it an issue on family WhatsApp I'd be grateful as it will spoil the surprise.

2 days is a lot of time to some people and going away costs a lot of money too. Are you seriously saying you’d be forced into spending your own time and money on a holiday you don’t want to go on to please your husbands mother? Batshit.

@lovemetomybones they aren’t her nieces and nephews, they are her partners. Don’t project your brother’s disinterest in your kids onto the OP. People are allowed to not enjoy spending time with other people's kids, in the same way they are allowed to not enjoy spending time with certain adults.

Just go, but only for one night. One night a year “together as a family” is not an unreasonable MIL ask and sometimes we have to do things for family we don’t love. This is not “a holiday” - it’s turn up for a Bella Pasta lunch on Sat, take the boys on a boat Sat pm, sleep, get up at 12 have Sunday lunch and then go home.

My pils used to do this.

I had kids. Honestly it was the worst, I dreaded them. I did suck them up for a number of years but it was a nightmare.

I love my nephews and nieces, but not all at once stuck in a small house and with complicated dietary requirements.

Get out of it. However you can. D and V, work trip, whatever. I wish I had

I thought my kids were enjoying family time but they hated it.

Just say no thanks, we don’t want to come.

The kids won’t care if you’re there or not, they’ll be too busy enjoying the activities.

Plan a kid free day/weekend with MIL instead.

Said this many times before… I’m so glad i live in a different world to so many on here! One weekend with family (even in laws because shock horror they are my family now) and people are trying to dodge it! Just couldn’t imagine living that way especially after you saying MIL and SIL are nice and you get on, I wonder if you’ll be back here in a few years saying the family have no interest in your children

I'd be horrified if my mum was arranging an annual trip for us all and my childless brother and SIL were dreading going. I would not want that at all. It's a holiday, so everyone going should be happy to be there.

I trust my DB and SIL don't actually loathe their nephews and nieces, but it's a different kettle of fish expecting them to spend their AL and hard-earned cash going on holiday with them, especially if they don't actually want to. That's not right at all.

This!

For the sake of future relationships -

go for the shortest time possible
insist on adult appropriate sleeping options for you as a couple
don’t take the dog

Your nephews won’t be kids for that much longer and you might enjoy the relationship you have with them as they get older - shame to ruin it now.

You don’t have to tell your MIL anything. Your DP does. If he feels the same way about these trips then that shouldn’t be an issue.

Me and DH are child free but have never minded trips with the family (my side and his) with nieces and nephews. Although I do remember one traumatic visit to a Pontins 12 years ago that I wish I’d chosen to skip! 😂

If it were me, I think I'd compromise a bit, but MIL has to play ball also.

For instance, ask her to book somewhere within easy driving/train distance for you and say you will join them for a day of fun and frolics. That's it, done and dusted, and you will probably enjoy that knowing there is a "sunset clause" on it and there's no wrangling for beds.

If she insists, say that is all you can do as doggie is not well and needs you or some other bullshit.

Shows willing but not being forced into something you don't want, i.e. staying for the night/weekend/week.

You absolutely shouldn’t be taking the dog if the children wind her up (that is a recipe for disaster) so if she can’t/won’t go into kennels or to a family member then you or both of you need to stay at home with her or ILs need to parent their children.

Really this is your husband’s problem. They’re his family, if you really don’t want to go then he either needs to be brave and go without you or be brave and tell his mum that neither of you are coming.

Dog aside, I do think it’s a bit miserable to not go for one weekend once a year… but then I don’t know how awful it is 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don’t think this is your problem to solve. DH should do it. Can he not say to his own mother, “We really appreciate the thought but honestly a break centred around the kids isn’t a holiday for us. We love spending time with you/them but we don’t want to do it for a whole weekend. Count us out for this time but we’ll get together soon”

Could you do a bit of weaning off this? Explain you'd like to book your own place because of your dog, wanting your own space etc. Then when it comes to booking just do a night, then next year maybe it doesn't work for you after all?

LOL to the person saying you are selfish. It's not free if you're using annual leave. Time is valuable.