To not want to go on a 'surprise' forced holiday with MIL and 3 Nephews

As you have done 5 years on the trot, maybe just say to mother in law that you want to give it a break as it’s not really your thing. Who knows after a couple of years break from this you may have a different view on it.

Look you don’t like them them and you dont have to - their not your kids. Just be an adult and tell your MIL you don’t like it and to stop inviting you. And why is your husband not speaking to his own mum - absolutely ridiculous. Deal with the consequences of the fall out - but at least you won’t have to be with the kids you find annoying. Don’t lie and say DV or last minute travel or whatever - be an adult. Just be honest.

Many people do things they don't necessarily want to because it makes other happy.

I'm spending 5 days with 30 girls as part of an activity I volunteer with. Do I want to go? Fuck no but I'll suck it up because I know they'll love it and I am happy to put others first sometimes.

You can be ‘under the weather’ or ‘ate something dodgy’ the day before.

But it's the truth. Nothing is ever gained by lying about things or covering them up, IMO, though it can be expressed a bit more tactfully.
If the truth had been spoken out openly at the beginning, i.e., 'that was good to try for the once, but we don't want to do it again, thank you, it's not really us' many tortuous holidays could have been avoided.
Lesson #1 of dealing with families- don't agree to anything you aren't willing to have repeated. Or you'll risk getting further and further down that rabbit hole.

Quoting myself, forgot to add at the end just sort of sigh and say it's not looking like we can do it this year mil, never mind there's always next year.
Then if you csnt do it next year itll be easier to say it.

Hi MIL, sorry we can't come, we have covid (as you hack up a lung) Have a great time.

TBH though, I would just say well in advance that you won't be going this year or any year.

The MIL and the trip thing I can totally see. The dog is getting wound up etc. Why waste money on something you don’t want to go to? I think the only sad part of this is missing out slightly on your nieces/nephews growing up, if you’re only seeing them every other month. Maybe that will always be your view on it and in that case I suppose you won’t think you’ve missed out so no harm done.. but maybe in future you will end up with a baby and suddenly find that you desperately want the support/interest of your family. We have just had this with my husband’s cousin who didn’t acknowledge we’d even had a child until she was 2, then as soon as she had a baby (when ours was 2) it was like the world was to stop. I love making a fuss of people’s baby’s and making the mum feel special and I still did but sadly you don’t know how much you need the support until you’re in it.

I don’t know, I hate disagreeing with people on here but I do feel slightly sad about that, but if you don’t and won’t regret it further down the line then great! Definitely don’t go and waste time/money if it’s not where you want to be

But yabu for saying "it's impossible to get out of of". It isn't - just say no!

If you can’t get out of it by saying you’ve got no annual leave or you’re busy that week then if I were you I’d conveniently get a D&V bug the day before the trip.

Yanbu

I have 2 x dcs and would hate this too! We went on holiday once with in laws and I was absolutely strong armed into it by dh and his parents as it was a big celebration for them. I had the worst time and I still can't stand some of dh family (not pils who are lovely) after the way they carried on.

I think I had a thread on here about it actually just after I got home and people were 🤯

Anyway, hopefully your in laws are less of a nightmare, but even still, I totally get why you'd be against big family holidays. I am too!

Why can't you have an grown up honest conversation? "No we're not doing it this year"

I would go for the weekend not talking time off work and leave the dog with friends or family or in kennels.

I think as much as it’s frustrating it’s family and great for your DH

It's not for you to deal with really is it? They aren't your family.

If it was me I would suck it up tbh

But if you really can't do that then I would say that I am not going and will stay home to look after the dog and it's then up to your DH to tell his own mother that he doesn't want to spend even a weekend with his own family once a year.

If you do the communication the risk is you look like the bad guy preventing him from seeing his family. If he actually doesn't want to then he needs to own it.

They probably try to include you out of fairness. They might be pleased if you decline and they can stop bending over backwards to include you. That's how I feel about one of my in laws tbh. Have nothing in common, don't really want them along but too polite not to invite them.

I have got 2 DS and I would never ever invite my bother and his GF on a trip like this. Even I hate going to Disneyland and Center Parcs but I suck it up for the Joy of my DS. Would never dream of taking a couple without children to endure this though. Surely there are places to go where EVERYONE can enjoy themselves. You can say no OP, and do so. I love my children to bits and I can spend my time playing football, tennis, lego, go on water slides just to see how happy they are but no way I would do any of these activities if I was child free. Tell your Mil: No thank you, I rather not.

I loved my MIL dearly, and miss her very much though it's now years since she died.
But she didn't make stupid demands on me.....

Maybe the OP's MIL ought to ask herself if asking people with no kids to a holiday that's centred on not very well behaved kids is tactful or sensible?

You don’t need to be with the family all day, every day. The family have breakfast together, then you take your dog for a long walk in the forest. Then book an activity that you enjoy, and go back to the lodge whilst parents and grandparents take the kids swimming. Treat yourselves to some time in the spa then meet everyone for dinner in the evening, and go for a walk to see the pretty lights. Go for a swim in the evening once the kids are in bed. Centerparcs is really expensive at Xmas and I’d jump at the chance of a free weekend there,

That's a good suggestion. Dog is getting older and really can't cope.....which it sounds like it can't, so it's true.

I would just say, sorry, we've gone along with it for years now but it's just not our thing.
It wouldn't be my thing either, spending time with spoilt kids who don't behave. I wouldn't put up with anyone winding up my dog, either. But then kids don't cross me- I've been a teacher, right? I have The Eye.
I like spending time with nephews and nieces, they're fun and I like young people, but if they'd been badly behaved, I'd have opted out. People who have kids sometimes have odd ideas about those who don't- like everyone will really love their kids no matter how they behave. Newsflash, some of us don't. And even really great kids can be more tiring than parents realise if you're just not used to having them round 24/7.

Can you get in first with a suggestion of something else to do together, maybe a short holiday where you could have your own space, maybe an experience day, maybe membership of something where you could have a day out once a month? If you could break the pattern you might be able to create something which suited you better.

I think you're looking for a way to get out of this annual ritual without anyone's feelings being hurt, and unfortunately I don't think that's possible. Your MIL will inevitably take offence if you tell her that you don't enjoy the trips - they're obviously something that mean a lot to her as well as a significant financial sacrifice, and she will feel hurt and embarrassed that something she has understood to be a great treat for you has been seen all along as a tedious obligation.

I suppose it depends on whether you find the annual weekend so awful that it's worth causing that degree of upset? I don't mean that to sound harsh - none of this is your fault - but that's the reality. Personally I think I would continue to suck it up, while making it as bearable for myself as possible (I'd certainly try not to bring the dog, which sounds like it makes everything much more stressful), and throw myself into being a wonderful aunty for 36 hours once a year. I know how much it means to my own parents to have all their children and grandchildren together on occasions like this. I find large group holidays really stressful, and generally would prefer not to do them, but I also really value my relationsships with my siblings and their spouses, and I do genuinely enjoy spending time with my nieces and nephews, and fostering relationships between my own kids and their cousins.

You don't want to go so don't go. Obviously it might impact your relationship with your in laws. Either your DH grows a pair and tells his mum he doesn't want to go either, or he goes alone.

This would have been my worst nightmare at your age! Actually, it still is, and I've reared three children to adulthood!

I would just say it's not enjoyable for you because you don't have children, and your dog just gets upset (though could you get dog minded at home if you did go again?) I don't know why anyone expects someone with no kids to go on a child-oriented break? It's not a 'break' at all!

We used to be in your shoes almost exactly, suck it up for the sake of a couple of days a year. We did and I don't regret it now PIL are no longer up to the trips, they were so important for them. We were the ones who moved away, so it was special to them to have DH there.

Be absolutely strict about your room just being for you two, obviously. Take an hour or two to "just nip into town for something" or "go for a quick walk". If it really gets too much go to bed for an hour with a headache.

Could you book more private accommodation or would that offend?

Could you use the dog as the excuse? Explain that it really stressed them out last time and you don’t want to leave them so will be giving it a miss for a few years.