To think you don’t do this to a friend?

PS I read something that talks about roles in life and how we can only ever really excel in one at a time, max two, and the other roles we won't do so well at and in fact at times will do poorly at. So if you are trying to succeed in your career whilst being a great parent that might mean for a while at least you aren't a great friend, daughter, or wife, even if you usually would be.

How much help does your friend have with the baby OP? I know when I started back at work after my baby I felt completely and utterly overwhelmed at how much I had to get done and be responsible for, working full time and with almost no help with my baby [outside of nursery whilst I was working]. I struggled to reply to messages from friends or discuss plans because it was simply too much to try to add more planning in to my brain. Could this be your friend's situation?

She may well be a shitty friend who is rude and ignoring you, or behaving like a child to 'punish' you for something she perceives you did wrong. Or she could be struggling. Unless you know which of these it is I wouldn't write her off just yet, I'd see if she gets in touch qnd apologises in a genuine way. If she doesn't then bin her off.

I’d message and say hope all ok, bit worried that you haven’t replied to previous message and see what she says.

for those saying call her, I’ve got 2 best friends and have been friends for roughly 20 years and could count on one hand how many times we’ve phoned each other, we text and meet in person, rarely phone.

I wouldn't be sending her anything else and I definitely wouldn't be calling. I hate when people behave like this. It takes 2 seconds to message. Don't take it personally, OP. Some people are just too rude to figure out.

Easy solution. CALL her. That way not only are you getting the answer to your question, you are actively highlighting her behaviour by the very fact that you needed to call in the first place.

I would send a text saying 'No worries about the weekend and hope all OK with you.' Send it and forget her until presents herself or not and focus on your own well being and life.

If someone can't acknowledge a couple of texts I certainly wouldn't pursue them further with a phone call, even a good friend.
I would give them space.
She has clearly time to be on social media but hasn't time for a polite response?
We all have busy lives, I bet the OP does too.
I certainly don't have time or space in my life for that type of rudeness.
People cancel all the time, shit happens and me and my friends are always very understanding towards each other.
But simply ignoring several texts to simply confirm or cancel, absolutely not.
It would be considered very unnecessarily rude.

The OP did nothing wrong. She gave an understanding out to her friend acknowledgement of her baby/returning to work etc.
All she had to do was text it didn't suit her.
So rude.

Wait, so you’ve now texted her 3 separate times and she’s ignored all of them but clearly been online?

Yeah she’s not a good friend. So sorry OP. I wouldn’t call either. If someone had ignored three of my messages I’d feel like a weirdo stalker calling her after that and then people will tell you you’re being too full on or wont take the hint so you can’t really win here.

It sucks. I have a friend doing something similar to me at the moment and it’s just so strange and hurtful. Like you I know I’ve done nothing wrong which makes it even more baffling. I suspect these are the people who years down the line then moan about having no friends and can’t understand why 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think you've been very considerate- you'd love to see her but appreciate she may have forgotten the arrangements and you also asked her if she's ok but she's flat out ignored you.

If something awful or catastrophic was happening in her life she wouldnt be liking random posts on social media so the only sensible option left is- she doesnt really care.

We are all busy! I dont know of a single person who sits around all day with absolutely nothing to do. I have kids and a dog and a business to run and other caring responsibilities but I still manage to reply to my friends because I, you know, care about them- thats why they are my friends in the first place.

Of course, I might not reply instantly or even the same day but I certainly would not leave one of my friends waiting, not knowing if I'm going to turn up to a pre-arranged meeting and then asked if I was ok. Sorry, I think thats just mean.

This is madness, i have literally no idea why people read messages, but don't respond! It's a common courtesy to respond in a timely manner, ok so they're busy, everyone's busy! I believe if you have enough time to read a message, you have enough time to respond.

If i dont have enough time to respond, i just look at the notification without opening the chat app, then read the message when i have time to properly respond!

Many people confirm an arrangement with friends by text.
Her friend not replying is extremely rude.
A simple "cant make it, sorry" would suffice.
She has a baby, things come up.
People understand.
But to simply not reply is rude.
Unnecessarily rude.
I would not be contacting her.
I would leave the ball in her court.
When someone doesn't respond like that, giving them space is correct.

People have awful shit going on, I am surrounded by it at the moment in my wide circle of friends, child died, brother suddenly dying of cancer, grandchild seriously ill, son with mental health problems, husband ill, long covid, ill parent.....the list goes on.
Life can be really hard, but a quick text "can't make it, sorry" is all that is required.

It is a rare family that doesn't have some stress or worry going on.

OP, give her space.

I don't agree with PPs saying you should call. I felt like I was too full on or at least that's the only criticism she could have or me or what could have annoyed her, if anything. Incidentally I'm not concerned about what annoyed her as she was not a good friend!

You're absolutely right, there could be a number of reasons for her behaviour. None of them are valid though, unless she's been kidnapped, which we know she hasn't as she's been on Instagram.
It's perfectly possible to have friends and still have boundaries. It's not one or the other. If you'd be happy with someone treating you like that then that's your prerogative. I certainly wouldn't, and I wouldn't do it to someone else either.

OP I fell out with a close friend after something similar happened. We had arranged to meet up for a meal a few weeks in advance. The weekend before I messaged to say perhaps we should book as it was a busy time and what did she fancy. She replied saying she'd let me know about the meal as has a busy weekend. She did have a busy weekend so I thought nothing of it. A couple of days later I messaged again saying what about this place and didn't get a reply so later texted saying I've booked it. This was all on WhatsApp and she had read my messages but not replied.

After 9 pm the day before we were due to meet I still hadn't heard anything so messaged her saying I need to know if we were meeting as I'd be going straight from work and needed to bring things with me. She then replied saying sorry she's been busy and now her child is not well so she couldn't meet. This would have been fine if she hadn't ignored me all week!

I am autistic and maybe it should have been obvious to me sooner that she meant she'd let me know about dinner meaning she didn't know if she could make it. I just thought she'd get back to me about where we were to meet. I then didn't hear from her for months so I just felt there was no going back.

Plans change, people forget, things come up, but you should have some basic respect and consideration for your friends.

Just call her. She won't answer if it's not convenient. You can leave a voicemail if you don't speak to her. Just say that you are worried and hope everything is OK. If she doesn't answer or respond then let it go but initially I would be concerned that something was wrong.

It really is and why on earth are people suggesting calling? people who choose not to reply to texts (which is something you can do at your leisure when its convenient) are hardly likely to be picking up the phone to phone calls which demand an immediate response!

I see this suggested constantly on threads about non text replying friends "just CALL her" and the OP has usually always tried that and got no answer because the friend does not wish to respond, obviously.

News flash, normal people also text. Ignoring messages is plain rude.

Yeah I agree @sofaofchange & @ILikeItWhatIsIt absolutely no reason for her not to send a quick text, definitely just leave her to it now, it's shit that she's done this to you

I had a friend I saw regularly. Almost two years ago, we met for lunch and afterwards, said our usual friendly farewell. I texted her to thank her for her company, as usual and enquired about an activity she’d talked about during lunch.

No reply. I texted again once or twice, but still no reply, so I gave up. As far as I am aware, we parted on good terms and I have absolutely no idea why she simply ghosted me. But there we are.

Whilst I understand why you feel hurt not to have heard anything from her, your message saying "don't worry if you've forgotten.." makes it sound like the arrangement was no big deal to you. I think inadvertently you implied that you weren't particularly bothered about meeting up.
So it's possible that she was hurt by that or just didn't think much more about it.

I agree. She's clearly ok and not in a coma or whatever if she's been on social media liking instagram pics etc

Yet she cannot take 10 seconds to text OP- 10 measly seconds to text her friend after she's politely asked twice?

She is no friend. I wouldnt block her but I absolutely would drop the rope completely and see what happens or if she makes an effort to get in touch. If she doesnt then I'd drop her.

I refuse to continually chase people who make zero effort to reply

Aren't you worried that something has happend to her? It's really unusual to just ghost someone. But in your shoes I would have called.

How do you know she didn't go to the agreed place, and it's you that's stood her up?