One of my oldest friends is from abroad (and lives there now), but was in the UK as a kid/teen when we met.
When I got married she sent us a present for which I paid over £100 tax/duty because she made a mistake with converting currencies and filled out the form like it was a goods purchase. Initially the post office card arrived here when dh and I were on our honeymoon and missed the payment date, so it got sent back to my friend. I apologised for missing the package, said there was a fee to pay (didn’t say how much) and asked her gently to check if she needs to correct the form because the gift she mentioned didn’t warrant such a tax. She sent it again without correcting, I gave in and paid the fee (didn’t say anything). Just to add, it seems usual for her to convert stuff the other way or add several more zeros just through our conversations when she mentions rent/salaries/prices.
Fast forward a few years, dh and I recently had a baby, and my friend wanted to send us a baby gift. In these couple years she also got married, had a baby and got a divorce. As a friend group we supported her as much as we can, including ordering her baby stuff off local to her places. She’s a single income household now with no child support from ex and a massive gender gap in salaries.
When she offered to send something I felt bad for her spending money (since she’s been highlighting how expensive everything is), I said maybe when we go out to visit her on holiday we could do something together with the kiddies instead. And at the back of my mind I didn’t want to do this potential back and forth with the post office again, quite honestly..
also we just moved house as I fell pregnant so for dh and I there have been a lot of expenses with the mortgage/deposit/furniture/baby etc (yes, our choice but still it just feels exhausting)
anyway, today I got a card from the post office referencing my friend’s country. I asked her if she sent something and she said a couple of toys and baby blanket. Again, the fee is like £70…… I don’t know if it’s the straw that broke the camel’s back but I feel so divided on this… I appreciate her gesture and sympathise with her general situation… I’m also fed up literally paying for her maths errors… I’m not going to ask her to foot the bill.. what would you do?